So I'm coming out to my Dad for the first time tomorrow. I would have posted this in the 'Coming Out' section but he's really the only person I have left to tell and I figured people might leave more advice in this section.

My Dad is a Vietnam vet - racist, sexist, homophobic, etc. just basically hates everyone who doesn't look like him/criticizes everything.
I know there's no good way that it will end, I'm preparing myself for the worst and I know that there's a great chance I will walk out upset/angry.

More than anything I'm asking for advice on perhaps how to say it/how to cope with a pretty bad reaction, if anyone's had quite a similar experience with a parent with the same perspective on.. well, everything.

My father I assumed would be very unaccepting as well.  He grew up in the military and often made derogatory comments.

He was great the first night I told him, helping me come out with names.  Then, later, he blamed it on my mother, my ADHD (which he has but I don't), etc.

But, he surprisingly took it well and even has called me son in public.

So brace yourself for the worst, but you may be surprised.

Just don't beat around the bush, say it straight forward matter of factly with confidence.  It might be good to have someone that already supports you to be there as well.

I was concerned about coming out to my father as well, but knew I would have to if I wanted to start transitioning. By that point, I really did. The dysphoria was only get worse every time I slipped back into denial and about a year back, I decided I wasn't going to ignore it anymore. Basically my entire family knew I was attracted to females by this point; I originally just told my parents, but eventually it trickled to everyone else and all of my family seemed to pretty accepting about it. However, this did not ease my nerves about coming out as Trans. When there was a trans rights bill brought up on the News, my dad would always joke around (as he does with most things he should take seriously) and say that it doesn't make any sense that laws could pass that would allow all of his colleagues to dress like women at work. In short, I really didn't think he'd take me seriously. He also has somewhat of a temper and I feared for the worst alternative which would involve him lashing out at me. Eventually, I told him and he said, "I'm not surprised. What else do you have to tell me?"
   At first, I was relieved, but then I realized he actually didn't understand at all. He started throwing out alternatives to my decision like "just being happy with myself" or "enjoying the comfort of a female body". I spent about a 3 hours explaining to him how it wasn't the same thing and that I wish he would understand. He initially told me that he would try, but that if I came out to him expecting that he would help me pay for hormones or surgeries that "it wasn't happening". He took me to a therapist to talk about my problems and I ended up talking about how I wanted to start hormones to her, but she actually wasn't very learned in trans-issues and would much rather talk about other things, so I stopped seeing her shortly after. Nearly six months went by before I did anything else. I slipped into denial again because I had an abusive girlfriend who failed to understand that GID wasn't an issue with how other people saw me - it was my mind telling that believed I was a male, but knew that I would not be seen that way by others or even myself because I could not even look into the mirror without being overcome with immense enmity for the body that I saw but never seemed like it was the one I was supposed to have. Because the girl didn't understand (or more like refused to), she called me selfish, superficial, and stupid - or at least that was her entire point of her ten minute diatribes.
   Eventually, I was desperate to escape our relationship, despite this girl ruining my relationships with everyone else I knew. I pleaded to my father to understand me and help support me, because I really couldn't wait anymore. I sent him a seven or so page email about how I felt in harrowing detail. When I came home later that week, he told me he wanted to to talk...and he understood. He admitted to me he didn't know how to handle it the first time I told him because he had never been personally exposed to someone who was Trans before - but that what I told him was alarming and he only wanted to help me if I felt so poorly about myself. Four months later, I started HRT. He is now discussing with his company to see if they can offer an insurance package that will cover my surgeries. He corrects my mom when she forgets to call me by the correct gender pronouns. I guess what I'm saying is that a lot of people are afraid or hesitant about things they don't understand, but if your father really cares about your well-being, he will come around. Sometimes it just takes time for things to process things. I gave my father processing time unintentionally (because of ->-bleeped-<-ty people in my life) and got lucky that the third time I confronted him was when he finally understood that it wasn't something I could just brush off or get over. If you are really afraid of how he reacts, tell him how you feel slowly and just don't shove your entire emotional journey at him the first time you tell him. If the reaction is bad, then you have other people who support you, right? I had a really hard time, because only a few fickle friends of mine knew before I came out to my parents, but I'm assuming that's not the case for you. If he freaks out, you can always try again at a later date. But be persistent of it. Tell him that you aren't telling him to anger him, but because it's really important to you and you are hoping that he would try to understand.

I wish you all the luck, man. I have to tell my dad, and I can almost hear him yelling now. Actually, I have thought in the past to just let the hormones kick in and do the talking for me.

Seriously though, my dad is the same. He is very traditional, straight-laced, life long military. He used to be a cop and a drill instructor with the military. It seems like I am always the one pushing his buttons and making him learn something new. My best advice, and what I will be doing in a month or two is to be very to the point. Explain in terms of "I" statements. My dad takes everything as a personal attack, and I have learned over the years that talking about sensitive issues using "I" rather than "you" statements helps the process. Even if your father gets upset and angry, do not kowtow and backpedal. You don't need to attack him, or be angry in return, but don't let his being upset make you backpedal. The other thing I would say is explain that in reality, you are yourself. You have always been yourself, and you as the person is not going anywhere. All that will happen is that you will finally be able to be yourself without all the crazy filters.

If he gets upset and doesn't talk to you, you may need to take a step back for a bit and then re-address the conversation. If he is anything like my dad, (whose responses are usally something this: rage, confusion, anger, confusion, curiosity, anger, despression, acceptance), I have to tell him something and then ignore his calls for week until he calms down.

I will keep my fingers crossed for you, Morgan.

Thanks for your replies guys

I bit the bullet, went straight in there and told him. And he actually took it really well.
He told me he's always kind of known since I started high school, and he just kind of said he doesn't know how much help he'll be (he's not in a very healthy state) but will be there for me to talk to and said he's a good listener when I'd need him to be. He actually sat and asked questions about what changes I'm going to experience/what my doctors think/what the rest of my family thinks and so on.

Everything went well, which I am so grateful for.

That's awesome, Morgan. I'm glad your dad took it well. It's always disheartening to hear so many stories on here where people's parents and family are accepting (to downright mean). A parent should have unconditional love for their child, so it looks like your dad is straight on that concept

Congrats dude! Sounds like an absolutely awesome response compared to what you were expecting!

I'm so glad he was okay with it. I hope that continues.

I am happy for you, man. I actually thought about you earlier, and I am glad that it went so well. I hope that your dad keeps the positive attitude and is there to offer his support.