i have a problem i dont know and still dont know how i feel about me ((i have aspergers so its hard or me to even understand my own feelings))

what my problem is, if i wanted to changed id want to be an actual girl rather than a woman who looks like a man in a wig with fake boobs
thats the one thing i would be scared of the most
no offence to anyone or anything

i think that is the thing that scares me most



that is me looking as i do now as "androgynous"

help?

What was your question?

You didn't really state it.
Your fashion sense and makeup is very nice btw, but it's androgynous and sorta genderqueer.
Nothing wrong with that at all.

But you want to be seen as a natural looking woman?
And completely blend in?
That means you'd have to tone it down ALOT.

You can't be colorful and daring.
You have to be boring, like every other woman, if you want to blend in.

Grow your hair out, wear less makeup, but still contour and highlight to feminize your face.
Just don't wear that loud lipstick.

Change your clothes a tiny bit.
Tone it down.

Quote from: JoeyD on November 11, 2011, 07:07:27 PM

But you want to be seen as a natural looking woman?
And completely blend in?
That means you'd have to tone it down ALOT.

You can't be colorful and daring.
You have to be boring, like every other woman, if you want to blend in.

+1

With just the few suggestions that JoeyD made you'll be fine. If you are going for the punk rocker look then just tone down the lipstick and you'll be perfect

A quick look around the checkout lines of the supermarket says it all about typical women. Those women have always been my Gold Standard when it comes to passing and how to.

Yes, you can do glam, just like other boring women do, when appropriate. Dramatic makeup is no longer dramatic when it is an everyday look

Another +1 to most of what JoeyD said (the bit i had an issue was the bit where it was said you cant be colourful, there are a lot of colourful women out there)

I think i understand what you were saying about not wanting to seem like "a woman who looks like a man in a wig with fake boobs" but the way to do this is to start young, be determined and observe what the genetic women do.
Based on your photo i would say, smile more, try and get a bit of curve in your eyebrows, that lipstick shade isnt really working for you, i dont really do lipstick i find it to be too loud for the day-to-day. The punky style seems to be working for you clothing wise so thats good . With the hair i would suggest trying a style with a side fringe to frame your face, i was amazed by the difference it made to me. All in all though i think you have a lot of potential!

Oh, let me clear up what I had meant then.

Yes women can be as daring as they want, but that privilege might only belong to cis-women.
Being colorful is going to be attention-grabbing and if you still have a little bit of "trans-ness" in you, people might clock you.

That what I had meant.

I dunno,  imho there comes a point in every transtion where the only thing that is gonna make you more passable is confidence and being a little bit loud. Wearing loud colour can makes me feel more confident and the effect that has on my body language has helped my passability no end. There are limits of course. No clown make-up or hookerboots and some very carefull concideration to colour matching and even more care when it comes to anything sparkely!

I dont neccisarily disagree that drawing attention to yourself can be bad if you dont look 100% genetic female but sometimes people will pick up on someone who is trying too hard not to be noticed aswell. Its the middle ground that you want to be in i think.

Passing aside sometimes i need to be a loud (still not talking about volume of course lol) person. I spent 20 years hiding who i was and to risk sounding like a cliche. "Im here. I dont care if you know im trans or not. Im a strong confident woman and im not hiding anything from anyone"

El you are amazing hehe

thanks for your advice everyone, i thought i might do some makeup and dress up haha see if i could change a little
i toned the lips down i got rid of them haha






what do you think??

Huge improvement already! You gotta smile though, it does all sort of magic things to your facial muscles that make you look more feminine

I like the top :p

thanks!! <3

Between the first and second set of photos, the second looks wonderful! But I agree with El, smiling makes the difference. Also, body language is a good way to emphasize passing. I can't tell you the number of times as a kid I heard my parents tell me to stand with my legs closer together, keep my arms a little closer to my body, ect because it was "ladylike".

You look great though. The top is flattering, and shows off just enough collar bone.

hehe thanks so is there hope for me? as i dont look that developed male wise?

Some subtle make-up, some hormones and a smile and i recon you would look stunning . Give it time and effort, you'll go far

hehe yayyy

Heya, I don't know if this will actually help you, but it might help you feel more "normal." (Whatever that is!) I have high-functioning autism, and I've been doing some research on the relationship between people on the spectrum and gender identity. As it turns out, gender issues and being on the spectrum have a high correlation. Those who have Asperger's (particularly those with a genetic female body) tend to identify as either bi-gendered or a-gendered. (I identify as bi-gendered.) As our understanding of gender expands, I'm hopeful our society will learn to accept those of us in the middle area more and more.

My two-cents: I think you look really exotic as an androgynous person. But what really matters is where are you HAPPY? Like someone else has already pointed out, having a smile automatically adds a splash of glamor to any look.

Best to you on your journey!

~~E

You, and the rest of us too, will never achieve total change.  It's like proving a complex theory, such as evolution or the origin of the universe.  There is only evidence moving towards proof, and no absolute proof is possible.  There is only moving towards total change, or accepting a rung lower on the scaffold.  We all have to come to grips with the fact that I will never have an hourglass figure, menstruate or bear children.  I will never have been raised as a girl.  If I was always going to be unhappy that I can never achieve total womanhood, I probably should not transition.  But I can achieve suspension of disbelief and forget I am not totally 100% female, so it works for me.

I think you'll be alright.