I dont know what is going on with me. For the longest time i have wanted to be a girl, however i have felt urges for them as well. I have felt those same urges for men too and I don't know if this is normal. I when i pleasure myself i always think of me being the girl however i cannot get the thought of being with a girl away too. One of the bigist scares i have is that i may be wrong and i really want to be a bi guy. i dont think so tho because every time i look at a girl the lust is not for her body per say its to be in her body.I also do not want to be a guy with a guy i want to be a girl with a guy i fill like this is very different! i have a few questions. first is my fear just, because you see everywhere you look "Make sure your ready because if your wrong there is no going back.", which i understand and am just scared of because of my lust for some women in a sexual way(keep in mind it may make me hard, but deep down i just want to be her). so i do not know what to do my life has been a living heck i just told my mom and she denied it i just want to know if you guys/girls would know what i should do please help!

p.s sorry for the flow of the sentences i have two forms of dyslexia its difficult and i needed someone to talk too.

First off a big hug for being brave enough to open up about this.  What you have written is not uncommon at all, so you are not abnormal in any way.  Gender and sexual orientation are two different things and it can be hard to untangle them at times, especially if you are still sorting your gender issues out.

I went through the same thing when I was doing anything sexual with a woman, and have finally concluded that as well as being a woman I am a lesbian.  Actually lesbian with pansexual possibilities is probably a better description.   

By digging into my past I can see that this goes back to an age before I was even aware of gender or sex as concepts.  Lots of lesbians have written about how they felt the first time they noticed another girl, at about 8 years of age or even younger.  They had no idea about sex, but just felt fantastic.  If you do end up on HRT you will find you male sex drive quickly disappears, and is replaced with a woman's.  They are very different.

As for not being able to go back, that really only applies to SRS, anything else is negotiable to a greater or lesser extent.  There are lots of exits on the Transgender Highway. Main thing is, nothing is going to happen in a hurry, and it is worth taking your time.

Karen.

I would encourage you to read up more on this condition.  The main pages here have a lot of links to information you may find valuable.

     I'd also see if there is a local support group you can attend, so you may meet other people who may have similar feelings and concerns.

     Also, see if you can find a therapist WITH EXPERIENCE in gender identity issues.  They may be able to help you sort out the feelings in your head.

      Finally, there is no harm at all in experimenting with a few articles of clothing, to see how that affects your thoughts.  You don't have to always dress like a lumberjack... 

       You are you and you are unique.  No one else can tell you how to feel or what to do.  Be patient, be as calm as you can.  Nothing is on fire and there is no deadline.  You have to be yourself, everyone else is taken.

Quote from: justmeinoz on November 14, 2011, 04:33:43 AM
First off a big hug for being brave enough to open up about this.  What you have written is not uncommon at all, so you are not abnormal in any way.  Gender and sexual orientation are two different things and it can be hard to untangle them at times, especially if you are still sorting your gender issues out.

I went through the same thing when I was doing anything sexual with a woman, and have finally concluded that as well as being a woman I am a lesbian.  Actually lesbian with pansexual possibilities is probably a better description.   

By digging into my past I can see that this goes back to an age before I was even aware of gender or sex as concepts.  Lots of lesbians have written about how they felt the first time they noticed another girl, at about 8 years of age or even younger.  They had no idea about sex, but just felt fantastic.  If you do end up on HRT you will find you male sex drive quickly disappears, and is replaced with a woman's.  They are very different.

As for not being able to go back, that really only applies to SRS, anything else is negotiable to a greater or lesser extent.  There are lots of exits on the Transgender Highway. Main thing is, nothing is going to happen in a hurry, and it is worth taking your time.

Karen.

*hugs back

thank you so much i have no idea what to do sometimes and i live in Alabama so there are not very many people i know around me that are that way or say they are to talk to. please realize that you really helped me out! and i don't think i am a lesbian i really just think that it may be the male sex drive like you said because when i get too serious, it always turns into me wanting to be her not wanting to be with her!

Quote from: justmeinoz on November 14, 2011, 04:33:43 AM
By digging into my past I can see that this goes back to an age before I was even aware of gender or sex as concepts.

That's exactly what I did and how I figured out who I really am. I think children know more of what they want than adults give them credit for at times.

Quote from: shortNsweet on November 14, 2011, 09:32:18 AM
That's exactly what I did and how I figured out who I really am. I think children know more of what they want than adults give them credit for at times.

I think you are right, and i did love to do girly things when i was young and love to do boyish things too, however i mostly hung out with girls as friends and played dress up, dance and walk on out tip toes! ( lol ) however i am just worried about the entire change, along with my weight. I heard that your metabolism slows and i am just wanting to get my weight down to i think compensate i want to be 120-140. Sadly i am 200, but i think that is fine because i started to work out a week ago and was 215. so i am getting there!

if any of you who have gone through the change can tell me, what happened with your eating and your weight gain? ( I know this can be personal so i understand but to be honest this is a personal site) 

I haven't started HRT or anything yet, so I'm at roughly the same place as you now, so all I can tell you is how I've been dealing with it up till now.

First of all, I'm with justmeinoz on the transgender/sexuality thing. They're just so vastly different and it really can be a mess to untangle sometimes. I have always felt like I was a woman, but I've also always felt like I was only really attracted to women. Come to think of it, it likely would have been easier for me to come out if I was into men ... it would somehow have made "more sense" in my mind that way.
I did come to the same conclusion as her though ... I am both a woman and am into women (with pansexual possibilities). And there's nothing wrong with that, they really are completely different things.

As for the metabolism issue: I'm with you on that as well. I'm pretty overweight right now, and I'm working it all off and will not go on HRT before I've lost my weight (even if it were offered to me tomorrow). I feel like I first need to stabilize my health before I do anything else. Just for reference, at the start of my journey I was 135lb, now (about 1.5 month later I think) I'm 213lb ... and my goal is somewhere between 165-175lb.