I am tall. I'm a cisgendered woman who has been compared to Brigitte Neilsen my entire life. My name is very similar to hers as well. I'm sure you are just trying to be blunt and out there and supportive in a real way but at the same time comments like yours have made me NOT feel like a real woman pretty much my whole life. And I am biologically born a woman.
The thing is, honestly I've never had a male put boundaries around what a version of beauty is I've never had men tell me I'd look better another way. Just women. It was my mother who told me I was too tall and that I walked around like a man. She was a petite little thing and often told me I was mannish because i was big with broad shoulders and had small tits. In fact she ingrained this into my mind, it was a no brainer to me that I walked around like a lumber jack because of the things she said. It contributed to my insecurities in school, always felt like the odd one out, voted most unique in my high school but took it as a backhanded compliment.
It wasn't until 3 years later that I was working on a play where a director chided me for being too graceful in my movements, that I ever reconsidered how I came across. When I mentioned it to my friends they pointed out I was very dainty in how I moved and they thought my mother was crazy.
It was my sisters that told me I should grow out my hair so I'd look more normal. And I've grown it out, you saw the pix, they are uuuugly as sin and I like myself the way I am. I think I look cool.
I've been mistaken for a man a bunch of times in my life. And yes, some of the things you say are true, I am unusually tall and I don't have conventionally female looks. But the thing is.............I was born biologically a woman.
So I'm not trying to bust your chops or tell you about your unique experience. It's just to me, many of the people on these kinds of threads seem to think it's because they are not "passing" or something like this, when in reality it might just be you are tall and like any tall chick, it can be annoying.
Or a woman with a strong jaw, well yes it can be annoying, and bad hair, bad skin, big noses etc.
Telling me to accept the reality of my situation that most cisgendered women are not like Brigitte Neilsen and so I just need to accept that I don't fit into the normal standards of beauty is something that has been told to me by other women for years and years and years.
Not all women, but the ones who are insecure somewhere in themselves. The empowered women usually told me I looked like a model and that I was beautiful. I feel beautiful. Guess what I've gained a bunch of weight too. I still feel beautiful.
I think you are beautiful too. So are many women I see here and women I know.
QuotePHENOMENAL WOMAN
by Maya Angelou
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing of my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can't see.
I say
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
from And Still I Rise by Maya Angelou
copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou.
