Hello everyone. My 19th birthday is coming up, and all my life I've had difficulties feeling discomfort about being a boy. ie at an early age, I'd always pick the girly-er stuff or girls in a video game..I thought maybe it was to look at their "assets" but I was always just drawn to picking them (yeah, I know this doesn't matter in the long run, but just wanna say it lol). At 16 it started to get really bad though. I started buying female body wash, deodorant, even tried clothes for a while there but it didn't work out lol. I shave all body hair and wish my body was more feminine. I've thought maybe it's just because I haven't had a girlfriend..but it even popped up when I had one (talk about awkward, because I get really emotional and want to talk about it..). However, at the snap of a finger it can just go away and I'm content being a boy and end up feeling like a freak. I don't understand it. Is this early signs? Has this happened to most MTFs? Everyday I wake up feeling like I don't belong in my body and sometimes it goes away throughout the day, sometimes it doesn't. It's been really bad for the past 3 years and I'm growing to barely be able to tolerate it..something has to give. Now that I'm a cashier, I check out women all day and I usually think "I really wish I looked like that" not "whoa..check out that ass". One thing I don't understand though is that I don't want to say I'm a female trapped in a males body..I just feel like I don't belong in my body. I also need to add that I've lived a very sheltered life..homeschooled from 8 - 14 which made me miss out on important social values plus I had awful childhood obesity until I lost 100 pounds by running and whatnot..I sometimes think those could be a cause. Did anyone else feel like this, or can someone "diagnose" me? Please, it's driving me crazy.

I dont think its something someone cant tell you. But i do know about choosing girly things in games like female fighters or whatnot. playing with barbies because i loved the hair and clothes. Everytime i would dream i was this girl who looked like me but a very female version. Its something i think you need to think about. Maybe talk to someone about it. Like a counciler or something.
You are not alone, I have felt this way alot for a very long time.

Quote from: Machiavellianism on November 15, 2011, 06:27:07 PM
Hello everyone. My 19th birthday is coming up, and all my life I've had difficulties feeling discomfort about being a boy. ie at an early age, I'd always pick the girly-er stuff or girls in a video game..I thought maybe it was to look at their "assets" but I was always just drawn to picking them (yeah, I know this doesn't matter in the long run, but just wanna say it lol). At 16 it started to get really bad though. I started buying female body wash, deodorant, even tried clothes for a while there but it didn't work out lol. I shave all body hair and wish my body was more feminine. I've thought maybe it's just because I haven't had a girlfriend..but it even popped up when I had one (talk about awkward, because I get really emotional and want to talk about it..). However, at the snap of a finger it can just go away and I'm content being a boy and end up feeling like a freak. I don't understand it. Is this early signs? Has this happened to most MTFs? Everyday I wake up feeling like I don't belong in my body and sometimes it goes away throughout the day, sometimes it doesn't. It's been really bad for the past 3 years and I'm growing to barely be able to tolerate it..something has to give. Now that I'm a cashier, I check out women all day and I usually think "I really wish I looked like that" not "whoa..check out that ass". One thing I don't understand though is that I don't want to say I'm a female trapped in a males body..I just feel like I don't belong in my body. I also need to add that I've lived a very sheltered life..homeschooled from 8 - 14 which made me miss out on important social values plus I had awful childhood obesity until I lost 100 pounds by running and whatnot..I sometimes think those could be a cause. Did anyone else feel like this, or can someone "diagnose" me? Please, it's driving me crazy.

Yo.

I just turned 19, and had a lot of the same feelings that you did before transition.  I've got serious reservations about saying "female trapped in a male's body", because I don't think that describes that.  There are days when I feel that my gender identity isn't female at all; regardless, I've transitioned and I feel that it was right for me.  Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more to someone who was in a similar situation.  I obviously can't diagnose you, but I'm happy to try to help you work through feelings and whatnot if you think it'd help.

I, too, have been and am in a similar situation as you. When I was younger I would always steal my sister's barbies, I loved to play with makeup and dress up in my sister's clothes and I've always picked female characters in video games. All without really considering what I was doing ... it just always felt like the "right" thing for me.
That being said though ... while those things may indeed be "clues" for some people that they are transgender (when I came out to myself, I was like "aha! it all makes sense now!"), it's also not a given that you indeed are ... sometimes you just have guys that are perfectly fine being a guy but like girly things (like for example stereotypical flamboyant gay guys).

In the end, it is you and you alone that will be able to make a clear diagnosis. You have to do what feels most comfortable to you, and anyone who tells you what you should do (on either side of the spectrum) shouldn't be taken to heart that much ... they have no idea what's really going on in your head.

But yeah, what I'm trying to say here is ... ignore what things you like for a minute, and just reach deep down and think what makes you feel more comfortable. Your answer doesn't have to be limited to girl or boy, the gender spectrum is very broad and people come in all flavors. Nothing wrong with being a woman and occasionally feeling like a guy or the other way around ... or even identifying as neither one of those ... or both!

There's definitely moments for me as well where I feel like a guy. Not necessarily comfortable feeling like that, but I do anyway (especially when I'm playing online video games using voice chat)