I have a feeling that I was born in the wrong brain! Maybe this doesn't make sense, but English is not my first language and this is the best way I know how to put it.

I never identified with the statement "born in the wrong body" and the other day it occurred to me that my brain in misaligned with my body because my brain is working well it is my body that is not keeping up with my brain.  So maybe in order to do something about it I need to change my brain not my body.  Of course I need to change my body at some point but not before I get what is wrong with my brain... My brain is the issue not my body.

Does this make sense? Do I sound psychotic  ? If you understand the science fiction that I am trying to convey and you have felt something like this please let me know what you think.

Thanks

I think I may really understand...

When I decided to start taking hormones it wasn't issue with my body exactly...it was my chemical make up. It was...as you may say, my brain. The brain is run by hormones and my hormones were all wrong. So I started testosterone and it's been the best choice.

This reminds me of a topic I started in another area of susan's and it didn't go over that well hehe  but ya, I think if it would work I would trans my brain to accept my body as it is. Absolutely.

Sevan, yes HRT kind off solves the issue because it is from the inside out.

Espo, that is exactly what I mean.  For some reason I feel that dealing with the brain will somehow deal with the physical part.  I don't know how though.  Maybe like changing the coding of the DNA to become more feminine like (in my case)?

Quote from: espo on November 16, 2011, 08:23:04 AM
This reminds me of a topic I started in another area of susan's and it didn't go over that well hehe  but ya, I think if it would work I would trans my brain to accept my body as it is. Absolutely.

actually, when i ended up on the pill i found that it started to change my personality. i was happy with my body, with the way society treated me, i started acting differently...

so yeah, i think it might be possible to change the brain if you take the 'wrong' hormones.

if that's what you want, go for it, but i have a lot of words of warning for you here: you won't be yourself any more. it will change who you are.

are you that unhappy with yourself that you would wish to change that rather than change your physical body?

i was fine at first until one day i realised my life had started to go in the wrong direction, all my previous dreams and ambitions seemingly forgotten. and i wasn't me.

Believe me, that's not the kind of feeling you want to face one day. i slipped into depression at that point.

and you can't just stop and think everything will reverse itself. it might never do that. if you'd rather mess with your personality than your body that's up to you, but please be careful. i've obviously had a horrible experience that i'm still getting over, but do think it over carefully before you look into how that might be possible.

Physicist,

I really sorry that you went through this.  At the beginning of your post I was so excited about trying HRT and thought that it might change my personality in the right way then I got scared.

Maybe you took the wrong hormones?  I guess it is still risky to get on hormones because it hasn't been experimented with enough and the right mixes for every person has not been achieved.

I feel that I am really aggressive and sometimes it affects my body in a negative manner.  I get really tired from this added aggressivness and for me, for now, the way I put it is that if I try anti-androgens it might balance out this aggressive nature of mine.  I am not sure I would need Estrogen or Progesterone yet but maybe a little anti-androgens will help.

Thanks for letting me know.

Hi Metroland,

I do think that it might be very individual depending on your brain make up. With cis people it's very clear what the brain make up is, with FtM and MtF there have been a few studies at least (although mostly not very conclusive from what I read), but for androgynes there's nothing really.

I think I've probably always had more testosterone than the average person, but that might be due to many factors, such as the amount of sport I do and my diet even. I definitely believe certain areas of my brain were 'masculinized' in the womb (or something like that, the science is still a bit unclear on the causes). but why that should necessarily be linked to increase levels of androgens, I couldn't really say. it may be more to do with the life style choiced i made... but i can't deny that when i was on the hormones i made other life style choices that might naturally have changed the balance of my hormones anyway.

I'm finding it very hard to get my head around what exactly might have gone on, so all i can offer is really how it affected me, and only guess at the causes...

A lot of FtM and MtF seem to be happier when they take the hormones that push them more towards the gender they identify with. but the cause of feeling more content might be something other than the hormones themselves, but more the secondary effects they have on the body...

... but still... my guess would be that changing my hormone levels to be more out of whack with what my ~roughly half masculinized brain would like them to be led to that masculinized part to somehow be 'over-ruled' or suppressed.

until I, as in that part of my brain too, woke up and realised that that wasn't me.

:-/

trying to make sense of it makes my head hurt and like i said, any explanation i just tried to offer is probably complete and utter bull->-bleeped-<-.

i will keep reading journal papers, lol, but they don't seem to help clear up my confusion because obviously i'm not an expert so i can't understand 90% of what they write, lmao.

I would need more then hormones to get my body and brain aligned properly lol  but ya, hormones can change a lot of aspects of a person. I was thinking more futuristic like if they find a gender gene or something like that haha

OMG Espo, you are reading my mind.  That is what I was thinking of.  Some DNA dial or something that you choose your gender with.  Maybe even change your gender to your mood ::thumbs up::.  I was also thinking along the lines of stem cell research.  That stem cells are planted inside the body that will infect the cells around it and control the gender that is needed.  Interesting.

Physicist, I am sorry that you are going through this and I think that it is ok that you are talking about it.  It must be tough.  It seems that you are getting your way through it by doing your own research but from my experience this might make you more frustrated because we are not the experts and the information out there could lead us to get more worried.  I would consult a physician if you know of a good one.  As for feeling better, maybe this is not the end of the road for you.  Maybe it is a stepping stone to know where you want to go.  Maybe the hormones you took were too much and you want to scale down on them a bit and maybe try another direction instead. Try to take a breath and let things be a little bit maybe things will straighten themselves out.  You might have not gotten where you wanted yet.