Hi sisters and brothers.
I am a 32 Years old person, still in the process of expressing her true self. This situation is very painful, i spend many days just wanting to stay in the bed forever, I am fighting with depression that derives from not being able to feel myself and to satisfy my needs. But it's ok cause some days I am still able to make my life work a little better.
I am an aerospatial engineer currently unemploied, i keep my mind busy with friends ( not so many, but i guess they're never enough for anybody), painting, composing songs, i just try to let my passions burn to strengthen me.
I hope to be soon strong enough to live fully as myself, first in the manners and then also to start transitioning ( I don't know, i guess i hate my body so much that i don't see other opportunities, even big problems as 'passing' become less important).
I didn't had a satisfing relational life, very few love affairs, maybe it's also because I pretended to be a straight male, and relationships were really an hard test for my childish impersonation. Since i started focusing on discovering the real me, at least three years ago, I found so many difficoulties in confronting my little soul with so many problems, facing them without the ability to overcome them, learning to suffer slowly. And I had never found love again, but I guess it takes all my energy to go on toward transitioing, so it's ok ( well maybe a kiss or two would be equally ok )
Anyway this is my story, summoned. I don't know, I guess it is common.
I wish  my partecipation to this blog inspires someone, as I wish to be inspirjed by all of you, cause I've got a lot to learn, but I really love everyone so I am sure I will overcome this part of the journey.
Kisses

Hi, welcome!!!

Don´t think you have few love affairs because of your identity; probably it is just because you haven´t find the correct one.

You sound as a lovely person.

Quote from: Aintza on November 16, 2011, 03:21:57 PM
Hi, welcome!!!

Don´t think you have few love affairs because of your identity; probably it is just because you haven´t find the correct one.

You sound as a lovely person.

Thx
You seem a lovely person too. Maybe for the emotions of sharing some part of me, I exxagerated the bad aspects. I know somehow I will find serenity and love, it's just that it takes time. It takes a bit of luck too. Anyway i find more and more interesting, day after day, also the life without them, learning new things, understanding little truths about me and the world outside, that when I will find a decent work, a bit of serenity, and  a bit more love, it will all came as something more.
I said to myself, maybe i should be more optimistic... Suffering is not the only thing about discovering the real needs and feelings, there's something more important: hope, and love for the things I do.
Sweet Blue Girl
(Serena, soon )

Hi Serena (now), why wait for the new name when you can practice using it here? We'll call you anything you like, just ask. See you around, hugs, Tracey

I think it is harder for us to date in a casual way. When you aren't happy with yourself then it is hard to want to make someone else happy. Personally I didn't date at all until I was in grad school. And then only because I met THAT person. She made me feel better about myself just by being around her. BUT here is the thing to watch out for....  Don't think that because THAT person makes you feel better that you can keep pretending and keep your trans related thoughts to yourself. That only works for so long. And then you have lied so deeply to the one you love that it hurts them terribly. I still regret hurting her like that.

As far as the depression goes please remember that it isn't always as dark as it seems. When I was at my lowest a year ago I felt that I couldn't even start transitioning for at least 5 more years, maybe even never. There were days that I wondered why bother anymore  And yet now here I am already a couple of months into my RLT.

 Hello ,
  Hope you have the life you deserve . Everyone deserves a little happiness in life  .
Good luck with your transformation .   
                                                                  Many happy thoughts
                                                                    Rossalynne

Hi, and welcome to Susan's! We have people come to visit us from all over the world, expressing different points of view, and you are likely to find someone to help you along your way   

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Welcome and Hugs

Cindy

Hi Serena,

And welcome to the family at Susan's

Quote from: Sweet Blue Girl on November 16, 2011, 06:10:39 PM
I said to myself, maybe i should be more optimistic... Suffering is not the only thing about discovering the real needs and feelings, there's something more important: hope, and love for the things I do.

You are 100% correct. Optimism opens up some fabulous opportunities, allowing you to part take in what ever serendipitous events, optimism presents.

You are no doubt aware, transitioning is a multi stage process, and as such is quite difficult to negotiate on your own. Do you have any supportive friends? Do you know of any local support groups?

I know you said you were unemployed, but with this extra time you have, might be a good time to seek out some directed support. Even a therapist if you can afford one. Being a professional engineer, you'd be very aware of how effective a life plan, towards set goals, can energise and spur an individual into action. Maybe now's the time.

There is an absolute mountain of resources here for you to jump into; and an untold wealth of experience, just waiting to answer whatever questions you have.

Hope you stay a while and enjoy the company.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine