Quote from: lonely girl on November 18, 2011, 12:56:17 PMChances are really rare

Sort of like hitting the megamillion.

do you think if I'm beautiful enough (with surgeries) they can overlook that fact? Most really pretty TS i know are dating

I don't think it's just a matter of how attractive someone is.  Certainly, someone attractive can get more looks and interest.  But I don't think that's the only way to attract a guy.  It probably depends on who you are trying to attract.

It depends on the kind of relationships you want.  If you want relationships with extremely attractive people, and that's your main criteria, it's not surprising if they would want the same thing in you.  But not everyone is seeking that.

I find my wife attractive, but there are plenty of people I wouldn't have dated who are very attractive - looks were not anywhere close to the top of my list.  I was looking for someone who was interesting to be with, had a sense of humor, was attracted to me, and had most of their life in order, and who was mature.  Different people want different things, but it's not fair or right to say all straight guys (or even masculine guys) want the same things.

Certainly someone who prioritizes how people see them (their image) above the characteristics I mentioned would want someone that furthers that image, which I accept.  I just hope that people won't think that everyone is in that category.  (note that I don't think my priorities are any better or worse than anyone else's - this type of thing is probably likely personal and likely at least somewhat hardwired, but not necessarily related to how masculine or straight a guy is)

Quote from: lonely girl on November 18, 2011, 01:01:53 PM
do you think if I'm beautiful enough (with surgeries) they can overlook that fact? Most really pretty TS i know are dating

Girl, you look cisgender and this is coming from someone who has made enemies by being too honest here.

Quote from: lonely girl on November 18, 2011, 01:01:53 PM
do you think if I'm beautiful enough (with surgeries) they can overlook that fact? Most really pretty TS i know are dating

If that's you in the avatar pic, you are already beautiful.

Quote from: Annah on November 18, 2011, 12:15:51 PM
Also, I am stealth.

   

QuoteAlso, to put into perspective: I have not met one transgirl yet who has dated a man or a woman for over ten years where the man never found out...whether through an accident or by her lips. Not one.

  And you probably never will because they're stealth....

Quote from: lonely girl on November 18, 2011, 01:01:53 PM
do you think if I'm beautiful enough (with surgeries) they can overlook that fact? Most really pretty TS i know are dating

  Yeah you look really pretty lonely girl. I think if you have surgery and meet the right guy things will pick up for you!


   xo 

Aww thank you girls for your kind words ^^ I have many flaws that I want to get fixed tho, other than that thing down there

Quote from: Lily on November 17, 2011, 01:33:46 AM
Since October I've been rejected by about 15 girls, and I'm starting to get used to it. The repetition and predictability is making me numb to it.

I hate dating, and I hate meeting people once that I'll never meet again. Dating is the worst and most alien feeling to me, worse even than the feeling of being a man. My one wish is to be married to someone who would also be my best friend for life, and who would never ever leave me.

Do you think that could be because you just started and don't quite present as fully female yet? Lesbians are like any other woman.... If you are going after lesbians now at this point when you don't quite look the party. They won't be into you...Just like straight men weren't into me when I first started.

Give it some time and revisit it later after more HRT.

Quote from: Elle Le Interdit on November 18, 2011, 05:53:41 PM
Do you think that could be because you just started and don't quite present as fully female yet? Lesbians are like any other woman.... If you are going after lesbians now at this point when you don't quite look the party. They won't be into you...Just like straight men weren't into me when I first started.

Give it some time and revisit it later after more HRT.

I'm never the one to initiate contact. These are girls who see my pic and send me a message saying they're interested but then stop when I say I'm trans.

I say on my profile that I am not gender conforming and that I'll give more info on that when messaged, but none of them seem to bother to read what I wrote.

Quote from: ZeldaHeart on November 17, 2011, 09:51:58 PM
Well Brad, that's nice advice, but those guys aren't into transgendered/transsexuals "in spite" of of someone being trans.  It's BECAUSE they're trans that the guy would be interested.  That is creepy in my opinion.  Like, turning someone into an object of desire.

I think you're responding to my post.  This attitude sounds to me like a recipe for much sadness all around.  There are plenty of guys out there who are good and decent and are interested in a relationship beyond what's down below.  I have always been open to the idea of being in a relationship with a post-operative trans woman and, although I could see myself being involved with someone who is pre-operative and intending to have the surgery, I have never gone chasing after someone because they are pre-operative.  I am attracted to trans women the same way that I am attracted to genetic women, and I don't consider this to "creepy".  I wish there was a way that guys like me could prove that as it probably would have saved me a lot of mental anguish over the years; but, then again, that would probably make like too easy... :-)

I just have to say I'm not a fan of the fatalistic attitudes about transwomen dating. When I first started reading trans forums and stuff as a teenager I thought I was doomed to a life of singledom. But then when I started actually dating and meeting people I realized that there are a lot of open minded people out there who will look past it.

I have dated/met guys who haven't cared about my past, yet I didn't just run and marry them just because I thought they would be the "only" guy out there who would accept me. I don't believe that ALL straight men will reject me for being trans, and I think that belief is both harmful and untrue. We aren't going to find love and acceptance from others if we can't love and accept ourselves. We are transwomen, we are strong and we are beautiful. We have nothing to be ashamed of.

You are young, so why not just date without any expectations of finding a life partner.  Two weeks is hardly long enough to get to know someone properly, so don't beat yourself up over the breakup. 
The guys you are dating are young too, and still being  fairly insecure in their own identity and sexuality, will have issues of their own that get in the way.  If that is the case, just move on to the next one.
I'd just have fun with no preconceived expectations of where anything is going to lead. 
At least you are dating!  I have found that being a Femme Translesbian makes you doubly invisible.

Quote from: lonely girl on November 18, 2011, 01:01:53 PM
do you think if I'm beautiful enough (with surgeries) they can overlook that fact? Most really pretty TS i know are dating

Umm.. Are you serious? O.O you look great now!

I know of one guy who doesnt seem to have an issue with wanting to date a trans woman. Well, 2 actually. The 1st is still single and has aspirations of me getting a divorce and dating me. You're welcome to date him if you like. I'm still happily married and even if my marriage fails, I'm NEVER dating again. too much hassle.

Quote from: Rukia87xo on November 17, 2011, 03:30:20 AM
   Lol am i the only girl that thinks the guy doesn't need to know this?!?! Seriously why would you want to admit being trans to a guy? =/

   I think not telling him is a good way to test a guy and see if he's just interested in sex or if he really likes you, make him work for it.   


   If you're not planning on getting SRS in the near future then i could understand telling him, but other then that nah he doesn't need to know my past.

Ugh, if I have to keep such a big secret in order for him to stay with me, then I don't even want to be with him. I think honesty is very important in a relationship.

I agree with Trista wholeheartedly. Being with someone for life is an amazing thing when you can trust them with your soul. I would disclose to guys... even if the information shouldn't really change anything. A part of the logic is that he would find out eventually, but equally powerful is the desire to have an open, trusting relationship - one where we both know every single thing about each other. Keeping a secret like this destroys trust, I find, at least for the person keeping the secret.

I couldn't enjoy spending forever with someone whom I feared. If their finding this out about me would destroy the relationship, I would deserve better than them. He may not need to know, but when you find one that embraces it, and loves you for all you are... the relationship is priceless gold.

Maybe I'm crazy, but witholding this feels dishonest. And I hate feeling dishonest.

Quote from: Rukia87xo on November 17, 2011, 03:30:20 AM
   Lol am i the only girl that thinks the guy doesn't need to know this?!?! Seriously why would you want to admit being trans to a guy? =/

   I think not telling him is a good way to test a guy and see if he's just interested in sex or if he really likes you, make him work for it.   


   If you're not planning on getting SRS in the near future then i could understand telling him, but other then that nah he doesn't need to know my past.

I wish it were that simple, but I have to strongly disagree with you because I personally know that it is not.

As others have already said, unless you 1) separate yourself from your family, friends and anyone else who knew you prior to transitioning, 2) destroy all history of your life prior to transitioning and invent a fake background, and 3) are able to grapple with hiding something from the person you claim to love and who says they love you forever, they will probably eventually find out. Even then, they might still. And it will probably be ugly if it turns into "YOU'VE BEEN LYING TO ME FOR 10 YEARS?"

My personal anecdote:

At one point in the spring I got a job as a waitress at a restaurant. I had moved to a different state. I'm fortunate enough that people don't recognize me as trans, and I didn't see any reason to tell my new bosses or coworkers. On what was literally my 3rd day working there, someone I went to high school with (in another state, and a class of just over 500 people) walks through the door.

While my face and body had certainly changed a lot in the 4 years since I'd seen him, I'm otherwise still the same person. I have the same mannerisms, expressions, voice, and apparently my eyes have the same look about them as well. While I obviously look female to someone I don't know, it wasn't too hard for someone who interacted with me on a daily basis in the past to make the connection. Sadly, he happened to mention it to another waitress, and by the next day, everyone who worked there knew. Suddenly, the large group of strangers I was going to be around every day from then on out knew, and nothing I could have done would have prevented it.

Never assume people will never know

Quote from: lonely girl on November 18, 2011, 12:56:17 PM
I told most friends im TS, so I kinda asked my straight male friends, in a hypothetical situation, if their GF came out to be trans like me, will they be ok with it... and pretty much I got 1 in 10 that would be fine with it... Chances are really rare

Actually, I would say that you basically were unlucky with asking the "wrong" people, so to say, as other t-chicks would actually rather say that most straight guys would be okay with it.
The number "60%" have been estimated more than once by T-people, when guessing how many straight guys that would actually be okay with it.
However, there are some conditions to this and whether the guy would be okay with this matter; First and most, apparence; That the T-chick looks and acts as a natal female, as the guy after all are heterosexual. And secondly, preferably that she is Post-op.
However, I do know that many 100% heterosexual guys have had a steady relationship with a Pre-op, but generally they are both waiting out time until she can have her surgery.

But yes, many heterosexual guys are okay with it, so don't give up hope.

If you are on a dating platform, I would say you should tell upfront, for both your sake and theirs.  I think I can say that you can have a one-night-stand without disclosing, but there's still a bit of risk if they find out later.

A lot of people meet their partners on a platform that is not focused on dating, and therefore you needn't disclose, and you may meet someone and fall mutually in love. Now, this can get tricky as to when to disclose.  I do think attraction and love is pretty powerful, so even if you disclose the person will work with you - maybe a lot, maybe not so much.

I know immediate disclosure invites all sorts of undesirable types, but it's really the same for non-trans folk.

Quote from: Bishounen on November 18, 2011, 11:31:41 AM
No, there is nothing wrong at all with being attracted to T-persons as long as you are not attracted to them only because they have a certain "set" between the legs, which yet too often is the only reason why many so called ->-bleeped-<-->-bleeped-<-s goes after T-persons.

Yes, there ARE good ->-bleeped-<-->-bleeped-<-s too, but unfortunately the bad ones give the whole lot a bad reputation.

Between the 00:43 and 2:54-mark, Nikki explains further the too typical problem with ->-bleeped-<-s; ]new update oct 2009

If I met someone who all of a sudden wants to date me more than before just because I'm trans, I wouldn't date them. Period. I'd date them because they like me, DESPITE being trans. So I don't care what excuses guys make, a ->-bleeped-<- is a ->-bleeped-<- and I'm not going to fall for one.

Quote from: sonopoly on November 19, 2011, 09:45:23 AM
If you are on a dating platform, I would say you should tell upfront, for both your sake and theirs.

Does your potential partner disclose upfront that he is a bigot that can't accept your transsexual background? If no, then why should a transsexual girl disclose upfront about her background?

My advice would be to at least get to know each other. If you get the feeling that he's a bigot, then dump him. If you get the feeling that he may be accepting, then go ahead, tell him, and pray for a good outcome. But there is no obligation to disclose whatsoever. You can even tell him that you have a 'history' and don't want to talk about it, and if he really loves you then he won't ask any further questions and accept that. No transsexual girl is being dishonest if she doesn't want to talk about her past, we really should get rid of that destructive mentality, because it implies that people have a right to know about our history. They don't. Having a transsexual past is not something that you should have to warn people for.

I also see a lot of victim blaming in threads like these. It's not the fault of a transsexual girl if not disclosing ends up in violence. It's totally the bigot's fault, and he is the one that should be blamed for that, not the girl.