I'm just coming to terms with being trans and I have this feeling I won't find a partner because of it. I'm involved with my schools GSA and it's mainly gays and lesbians. A lot won't date trans people. A few would, but I just wonder if it's like this all around. I'm really shy and have issues meeting people. I see some people on here who have partners both male and female or another trans person. My question is, how do you do it? I assume it's possible I just can't seem to get passed the "friend zone" with people.

I didn't do anything, I even tried my best not to get involved with anyone. Figuring I'd be best off alone and just with friends.

It just sort of hit me in the face one day and it got so bad I couldn't deny it anymore. He (still she at that time) had a major crush on me about a year before that, so I just had to hope it didn't fade completely yet.

But I don't think people can honestly say they couldn't date a transperson. Ofcourse, sexual attraction is very important, but those who say that underestimate the personal attraction one feels while in love.

Hello, I believe when the time is right, you will find someone.  After I broke up with my ex gf (which was the first person to support me), I thought that no one would ever love me again for the man I am. I looked, and looked and tried to force relationships that were not meant to be. Then, I stopped looking..... She found me.

The best way to find love is to let it find you.  Obviously, you wont find love if you stay at home and never go out, but furiously pursing usually results in finding losers (in my opinion)

My partner and I came together on facebook, we started off as friends, he lived a state away and added me cause he thought I was cute, we became best friends, and we both secretly were wanting each other but we both thought that we were out of each others league. I wanted to be with him so bad, but I had no idea he felt the same way about me. Turns out he was secretly thinking the same thing. Eventually he let it slip how it felt and we met in person several times over about a year, had a few ups and downs because of the distance, but now i am living with him.

It just kinda happens

http://gaymalelove.tumblr.com/post/13015289164/yup

I definitely know how you feel, Darrin,
I'm sort of at the same place where you are right now (Not that I'm still coming to terms with being trans, I'm pretty far passed that xD)

But, I've never been very good at getting into relationships or making the first move. I was raised to be the ultimate girly girl, and was raised to believe in very traditional relationships. Like the whole; You HAVE to fall in love during high-school, you HAVE to play the sweet shy and virginal girl or NO man will ever love you, You HAVE to get engaged and have the perfect ring, He HAS to ask your father for permission to marry you, and You HAVE to have kids AFTER you marry and NO sex befor then...But the problem for me, is that I don't believe in any of this, and the more they drilled it down my throat, the more I gagged on it.

The only part that seems to have stuck is the fact that I feel that I need to wait for the relationship to come to me. For my whole life, I've been extremely shy, and I had massive Social Anxiety at one point (To the degree where getting the mail caused me to break down into tears...and the mail-box was on the door) Obviously, I know how being shy is, and I know what a massive obstacle it can be. However, I've managed to come a long way.

As far as relationships go though, I'm still where I used to be. I've only dated one person since I've started to identify as trans. And I've sort of decided to swear off of it for a while, though now I'm thinking about throwing myself back out there. I'd really like to find a girl, but the only way that I ever will is to get back into it, and let peopl know I'm looking <333

Sometimes I just meet people in the normal course of things, but lately I've been experimenting with a dating site, and it's a lot more worthwhile than I expected it to be. I also have a BDSM relationship that we arranged formally and carefully enough that I don't think that guy should be included in what you mean by "partner."

Because I'm not fully transitioned, I do end up with people who are in the queer community, or who are looking to experience something new. I don't know what it will be like once my legal name and body look different.

Quote from: Elijah on November 20, 2011, 11:49:20 AM
The best way to find love is to let it find you.  Obviously, you wont find love if you stay at home and never go out, but furiously pursing usually results in finding losers (in my opinion)

My partner and I came together on facebook, we started off as friends, he lived a state away and added me cause he thought I was cute, we became best friends, and we both secretly were wanting each other but we both thought that we were out of each others league. I wanted to be with him so bad, but I had no idea he felt the same way about me. Turns out he was secretly thinking the same thing. Eventually he let it slip how it felt and we met in person several times over about a year, had a few ups and downs because of the distance, but now i am living with him.

It just kinda happens

http://gaymalelove.tumblr.com/post/13015289164/yup

This is 100% true in my experience.

As far as I've been able to tell, the current younger generation is much more comfortable with non-hetero sexualities and gender fluidity/trans people than previous generations are. Good news for trans folks under thirty.

I've been single for almost 3 years. I've been unable to find people to date locally that already know about trans stuff since I'm still sadly seen as female. I don't like explaining my situation. At the same time I'm not interested in ->-bleeped-<-s.

So...that's where I'm at.

From my own personal experience I found to be one of the hardest things in life to try to get with someone. If I found someone and we seemed to hit it off, there was always that very uncomfortable discussion that needed to be covered where I explained that I'm, "not like a regular guy". A lot of that was my bad, because I never did find a suitable way of bringing that up. I once dated a really fly, totally hip artsy music chick that I was completely into, but basically screwed it up because after several months I hadn't made a move on her. She even stuck with me for months after that uncomfortable conversation trying to get me out of my shell so to speak but I was a complete dork about it and guess I just didn't have the raging hormones at the time to override my anxiety.

Not everyone is going to wait around to deal with all your issues. You do have to take charge and be honest and upfront as soon as possible if you feel really attracted to someone and they're reciprocating. Sometimes they'll freak out when you tell them the truth and sometimes people will surprise you. So it's kind of up to you about getting out there. In that respect I don't think it's any harder than it is for the "normal" people.

But like some others have said, if you try too hard, that's not the best way to find love either. Love has a way of finding you and just kind of magically working out if it's with the right person and you're ready to let it into your life.

Thanks all. I guess I just have to wait. I'm honestly very content being single, I just get down sometimes because I feel so unattractive and unloveable. Hearing some of these stories makes me hopeful.

I have been single for probably near on the last 4 years and I can honestly say I don't think I've ever had a real 'adult' relationship.. The longest I've been in one was when I was 18, she was 19 and it lasted 2 years - and I really don't think that one qualifies.. I too am happy for the most part being single but approaching 30 I must admit I thought I'd have someone by now.. I'm beginning to worry I've already met the girl of my dreams at the service station and I was too busy, shy, distracted or wrapped up in myself to notice!!

I used to think I shouldn't date someone because I'm still a work in progress so to speak.. But I am beginning to come around to what others have told me countless times - that what is meant to be will be.. Not point putting my life on hold til I feel 100% myself - coz that's at least the next 5 years, and realistically who says I or anyone is ever 100% happy with themselves...

I truly believe there is someone out there for every one of us - gay, straight, bi, pan, ftm, mtf, genderqueer or whatever!!! Chin up brother - you will find your other half, we all will!

I had given up.  I was a discussion board non-trans-related and I met my now-wife.  She believed me to be a cisguy and I wasn't looking to meet anyone, so I just carried on.  Then when it became clear that we had feelings for each other, I didn't know how to tell her the truth because I thought no hetero ciswoman would want me.  But I told her and she didn't care, just wanted to know when she could fly over to see me!  So again I think when you stop trying so hard to find someone it just works out.  P.S. I never dated lesbians or belonged to that scene as I always identified as male and figured that pretending to be a lesbian defeated myself and would be lying to a potential partner.  I also never dated gay men as I'm hetero.  So my experience was pretty much zero.

i think it really depends on the trans guy if youre a guy who looks really male and is attractive then ive found a lot of people will look past the 'you have no dick part' mostly. especially if you dont let being trans stop you from being yourself. so just be confident and be yourself dont let being trans define you. thats what its been for me a lot of cis straight girls have had crushes on me, and i think my guy friend had a gay crush on me but he is in the closet so i didnt want to bring it up. you will find someone who loves you for you.

Pretty similar for me to what Nathan90 said, Id tried my best not to get involved with anyone. I personally didnt want to be with anyone while I was pre-op (both chest and lower surgery). I felt it would be too hard for me to  have to deal with my body with someone, while it was how it was.
  I got on to a programme to do voluntary work abroad. 10 weeks with 15 other UK young people, living in a village in Africa. (Looking back on it now, I feel Im braver then than now as I was ->-bleeped-<- scared I would be "found out" in a foreign country with noone to protect me.)
My now girlfriend, was another volunteer. We became such close friends instantly. We worked together and hung out everyday. We flirted, and the whole 10weeks I fretted about telling her. I waited till we got back to England. I figured, if I tell her and she takes it badly, atleast I dont have to face her everyday.
She completely accepted me, and weve been together since. She was even there for me during my chest surgery.

I really didnt expect to find anyone, not so soon anyway. When I did meet that someone, I certainly didnt think after telling her about me, things would go so smoothly.
I thought things about dating/finding someone,would be different and much more complicated as I felt Id have to be so careful.

Things just work out. The best thing is, not to stress or worry about it. Dont let it hover in your mind too much and get you down.

It's weird, after I got pregnant I had resigned myself to being a single parent for god knows how long. Decided just to focus on the kid and my transition because it would be way too complicated to get in to anything. Then randomly hit it off with a guy selling me an xbox in a games store. Been together over a year now. I told him right at the outset that I although I look like a blatantly pregnant woman I'm actually a guy and he was totally fine with it....turned out he's an androgyne


Anyway the point of the story is you just never know when or where you'll meet that person. All I was doing was buying an xbox, didn't expect that to lead to engagement and getting a house together and everything xD

I have an interesting story for y'all. Three years ago, I went on a school trip with 6 other people to Rome and Ortona (in Italy). It was a 12 day trip I think. I was dating a girl from work then, and I wasn't looking for anything. Also, this was before I began to identify as trans.
Anyway, we got paired with two other schools from about three and a half hours away from mine. We were the only school from the province going on the trip. In the airport in Rome, we met the other groups and waited for the tour guide. I was minding my own business, listening to music on my PSP, just looking around at everything and everyone. Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone who was exactly physically my type, but she turned before I got a good look at her.
So we got on the bus, got to the hotel, ate, and did all that stuff. We saw the Colosseum, which was excellent. I kept seeing her, and I wanted to talk to her, but I couldn't. She always got away.
I called my girlfriend, talked for a minute, saw some more cool Italian sights. I wasn't really in love with her, and we both knew it. We just tried though.

Anyway, so a few days after we got to Italy we took the bus out toward Ortona. She was sitting in the seat in front of me, listening to her music. It was loud, but I recognized it. She was trying to ignore the guy sitting next to her, who didn't stop talking almost the whole trip. We stopped at a truck stop for tourists for lunch. When we got back on the bus, I stole the guy's seat. I started talking to her, and she didn't ignore me. We talked about everything. She told me she was a lesbian, and we just...clicked. I snuck myself into her pocket to hold her hand, and she didn't move away. We went to the Vatican City, and it was hard to stop being so close to her when our schools split off to have a mass group picture taken (there were something like 35-45 schools there). There was another girl from her area that was on the trip, who we started calling Boots, and who was completely hitting on her. It made me so completely jealous that I couldn't believe it. I knew it was wrong to want her, which I did, but I couldn't stay away.

Anyway, I guess I'll cut my story short. Italy is a very romantic place, and I ended up telling her I loved her on the last day of the trip. I got her number and started texting her the moment my plane touched down. I broke up with my girlfriend on December 1, and on December 3, 2008 she asked me out. Ten days from today marks our 3rd year together, and we couldn't be happier. She accepts me for me, and there's nothing else I could want in a partner.

I wasn't looking for anything, but I found it. Or it found me.

Hmm ... I remember my ex telling me that I'd never find anyone else ... and how no one else would want to be with a '->-bleeped-<-'.  I started t in april ... she left me for a girl the beginning of August.  By the end of August, I had some one pursuing me.  Trying to make me feel better, and just generally being fricking awesome.  The first time we hung out was AMAZING.  I haven't had that much fun in probably 7 years ... We'll have been an 'official' couple for a month (in a few days).  We've been sleeping together longer than that ... She's  only known me a couple months, and is more accepting of the things going on with my body than my ex (who I was with for 3 years) ever was.  She's caught a lot of flack over not being gay anymore ... including losing a long time male friend over it (she's guessing because she wouldn't date him).

She doesn't freak out of my leg hair ... or my stomach hair ... she doesn't make me shave my face (which is a good thing since it's No Shave November) ... Even before we slept together, she started doing some research on FTMs and such.  Pretty sure it was brought on by that awkward conversation about not getting nekkid with her ... ever ...

ANYWAYS ... what I'm trying to say is, people can surprise you.  I'm not saying she'll stay around after top surgery ... or when I actually start to pass as male ... she might, she might not. She says she will, but you never know. For now, things are good.  Amazing people are out there ... and they tend to find you when you need them most ... and also when you least expect it.

Quote from: Darrin on November 20, 2011, 10:50:44 AM
I'm just coming to terms with being trans and I have this feeling I won't find a partner because of it. I'm involved with my schools GSA and it's mainly gays and lesbians. A lot won't date trans people. A few would, but I just wonder if it's like this all around. I'm really shy and have issues meeting people. I see some people on here who have partners both male and female or another trans person. My question is, how do you do it? I assume it's possible I just can't seem to get passed the "friend zone" with people.

its not just transpeople, many of my friends, say so as well.. "nobody will like me because im too fat" or "nobody will like me because im too ugly" "too shy" so and so..
to be honest I dont see it as being true, because our attrations are diffrent from person to person.
ex I had a girl she told me that she is attractive to fat people, but she liked it to be kept a secret, because she didnt like to seam fetishing or wierd for it. however its no issues for a person today to say there attractive to slim people, so its just a sociaty view thats "nobody likes fat people" and so on so on.
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I had somehow same thing with being trans, I seen people who looked as they where attracted to me or other transpeople or who diffently was, but the trans thing kinda scared them of fear for something "diffrent". I had same felling with my ex boyfriend, he where in fact the first guy I falled in love with for real and back then I where Christian and being gay where really NO NO spot for me, so it made me kinda scared and I denyed the fact for a long time, even thought it where clear I where attracted.
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I feel kinda like caseyy because I seen many trans relationships and heard many people being interesting in trans people and so on so on, so I dont belive your not able to find anyone cause your trans. But I feel the hard point have been the acceptense and the point if people had guts to go into it, what will friends, famely think or say or even react, and I must admit I somehow also ignore relationship alittle because I dont like to have extra attention for me being trans.
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p.s. just wanted to say even thought people say there not interesteed in something people somethimes get surprized,
in caise people fall in love there usunally fine with what they didnt expect.

I had many of those "I would never date" which I actually ended up with someone I found pretty attracting,
ex I once falled in love with a guy from the internet even thought I been a anti-internet dater.