I'm a freak.
I'm not fooling anyone.
It's never going to be okay.

I should never ever have lived, my friends that died deserved the life more than me.

I will never be loved.

I will never love myself.

And so on...

I feel so useless when Istart to think about the body I have.

When I felt very bad sometimes I ve put some music and told these voice in my head to shut up.
I've learned that these thoughts are delusional and not me, cause I still hope to make my part insociety one day. I have love from everyone, altough I am not out yet, sometimes I feel they know me better than myself, my familiy accepts me and everyone I meet is kind.
I hope that soon after crying considering the problem, other thoughts will prevail

Fight harder

Be slimmer

Study more

Focus more

Be smarter than everybody

Be kinder than everybody

But if they try to break you, don't let them do it without scratching them.

If what you do is not enough then do something more, you can prevail

You can

No more GID, that's the good part, now having "girl-issues" is the bad part.

Smart enough, BUT....... nowhere near fem- and good-looking enough -ever-!

Ugly girl/duckling syndrome?

Lucky enough not ALL THE TIME, since my new "clam" looks at least some 40 years younger...

Oh well,
Axelle

Quote from: Axélle on November 18, 2011, 10:52:09 PM
No more GID, that's the good part, now having "girl-issues" is the bad part.

Smart enough, BUT....... nowhere near fem- and good-looking enough -ever-!

Ugly girl/duckling syndrome?

Lucky enough not ALL THE TIME, since my new "clam" looks at least some 40 years younger...

Oh well,
Axelle

Lol I never thought about how aging might affect that particular anatomical region. Now my head is all cockeyed and I'm really trying not to research the topic. xD

Wow Felix!?!

guess why "vaginal rejuvenation" has move so far up on the aesthetic surgery lists - 'cause they tend to get a bit sloppy with age and of course child birth...

Mine is brand new, and no child birth effects either - at least something compared to age lines in the face, no? :-)

Axelle

Quote from: Axélle on November 19, 2011, 12:53:50 AM
Wow Felix!?!

guess why "vaginal rejuvenation" has move so far up on the aesthetic surgery lists - 'cause they tend to get a bit sloppy with age and of course child birth...

Mine is brand new, and no child birth effects either - at least something compared to age lines in the face, no? :-)

Axelle

I probably have childbirth effects. Human heads and even baby bodies really shouldn't be exiting through genitalia. The physics are crazy. I do Kegels, but that's internal change and not visible. Childbirth is gnarly. I had a small episiotomy, and then I fell and ripped the stitches and made the incision crooked, but that was just perineum stuff. My vagina in general...come to think of it all the girls I've been with looked pretty different (they were all younger than me), but there haven't been that many of them. Maybe I don't watch enough vagina-containing pron. Sounds like a research project.

It actually not THAT complicated (vaginal rejuvenation).
Its mostly is labia plasty (plus some clitoroplasty) - labia minora tend to keep growing with many ggs as one gets older, and sometimes one side more then the other. That makes for an 'apron' (Hottentottenschürze) and often a skew one at that... also my require some tucking - before wearing hot-pants and some such.

Take the current school-girl-vj-look (bald) all is on 'show' leading to some self-critique in this area. It would trigger not GID but self-rejection/embarrassment, seeing oneself in the eyes of one's partner?

Sorry, still slightly of subject - I may be forgiven?

Axelle

Quote from: Axélle on November 19, 2011, 03:06:23 AM
It actually not THAT complicated (vaginal rejuvenation).
Its mostly is labia plasty (plus some clitoroplasty) - labia minora tend to keep growing with many ggs as one gets older, and sometimes one side more then the other. That makes for an 'apron' (Hottentottenschürze) and often a skew one at that... also my require some tucking - before wearing hot-pants and some such.

Take the current school-girl-vj-look (bald) all is on 'show' leading to some self-critique in this area. It would trigger not GID but self-rejection/embarrassment, seeing oneself in the eyes of one's partner?

Sorry, still slightly of subject - I may be forgiven?

Axelle

Hmm. I just did some image searching. That german word brought up some great stuff, as did the phrase "labia apron." Color me edified.

My labia minora are definitely longer than the majora, but I like it. It feels good. The inner stuff is more sensitive, and I like it being kinda outer. It's not something I was aware of until recently. About a month ago, I shaved for the first time since teenagerhood (I prefer natural fur), and I was a little surprised at how much the external appearance had changed.

Lol I just took it further off subject.

Let's bring it back. I may not have much genital dysphoria, but my chest makes me want to not be seen. For an ftm, I think the previously mentioned word "tumors" is appropriate. Feels creepy to have these things clinging on. Makes me feel tainted and defiled.

And yet more GID thoughts?
When ever we hear you guys going on about your 'tumours' all it does to us poor flat-chested TGs is getting ever so sad (me, no question) that we can't just have a donation and take that unwanted 'extra' of your hands - well chest rather... sob.

We see a gg with cleavage we get jealous --- grrrrrrrrrr it bits us in the nose!

I keep on wishing, funny eh,
Axelle
PS: though I just can see the flipside regards our original bottom configurations... oh well, nothing at all to donate there, other then just a little 'filling'... (corpus cavernosum penis) soooory

Mostly shouting "you're a f****** idiot" and "I hate you" repeatedly at the mirror.
Also
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Why on earth do I have this chest?" (most of it is top dysphoria)

So much shame of cusing pain to my kids, so afraid of goign to the grave with an "outie,"  I will never be able to change my voice

Even when I get on testosterone...I feel like it won't matter how "manly" I look (body hair, facial hair/shape change, muscle, top surgery) if I don't have a penis. Even if I managed to get  phalloplasty, I'd still be inferior to bio-men, and straight women wouldn't want me, or worse...would cheat on me 'cause I'm not "man enough" for them. Can't even fulfill their possible want for creating biological children together 

Kills me just to think about it...