I got to thinking because of the recent new thread "at what age did you transition"....

What was the final straw that broke the camel's back for you as in you just had to DO IT... not think/debate about it or long/yearn for it? I am guessing for many, thoughts of suicide was the catalyst...

For me, I was on the fence for most of my 20s, denying my transgender feelings and mistakenly identifiying as a gay man because my primary attraction was to men, but never feeling happy. I was open about dressing like a woman to my freinds and siblings, but not to my mom or workplace.

I would lie in bed every night, after the makeup, wigs, and dresses were off and I was back to my "male" persona. I would get so depressed because I knew there was a beautiful woman inside me waiting to get out. I even entertained thoughts of suicide but never seriously because I believe suicide is selfish.

The final straw for me was when I moved to San Francisco and I made new transgender friends. They kept telling me, "D o you want to look back and wish you had transitioned earlier? Don't wait until it is too late for hormones to do much on your body." And I saw further and further signs of masculinzation beginning to happen - I decided that was it - it was NOW or NEVER ! So... I went ahead and took the jump over the cliff.

About two years ago I saw the before and after transition pictures of a middle aged woman.
As a man she was a very homely hispanic man.
As a woman she was a normal looking hispanic gal who would not have made me look twice.

That was when it sunk in that I was not doomed to look like a man and I could transition inspite of a lifetime of fighting it.

I never got to thank her, so I am very open with my pictures now to pay her back by paying it forward.

I really owe my life to her.

A friend trusted me with some information and I wanted to repay her, as well as I'm nearing the 25-year mark (I'm 22) and I want Hrt.

I always had this issue where I would end up accepting myself and then revert back into denial.
There was this one time when my dysphoria was so awful - I was sixteen, but my birthday was in couple of months.
At the time I had been dating a girl who I initially thought was really supportive of me, but she ended up pushing me back into self-doubt and insecurity.
I did come out to my parents because of her, but after that, she quickly began to question my motives and why I needed to transition - and I think this was mainly because I found out that she was horribly underexposed to pretty much anything involving the LGBTQIA community... Not just trans issues, but everything.
The story is actually much more complicated than merely that, but I'm not going to elaborate further in fear I might end up writing a novel if I do.
Essentially though, I think my poor experience with someone who I thought I could trust is what made me sure that it was time to transition. Of course, this was decision came after months of repression that was induced by the way they treated me. Only until I developed a some sort of disdain for this girl and the situation she had put me in was I finally able to get some of my self confidence back and be courageous enough to discuss transitioning with my parents once again.
This was nearly nine months after the first time I came out to them.

Quote from: ClockworkHazel on November 20, 2011, 11:00:29 PM
A friend trusted me with some information and I wanted to repay her, as well as I'm nearing the 25-year mark (I'm 22) and I want Hrt.

I am not sure I understand what you meant - how is that exactly the final straw for you?

Quote from: JasonRX on November 20, 2011, 11:20:51 PM
I always had this issue where I would end up accepting myself and then revert back into denial.
There was this one time when my dysphoria was so awful - I was sixteen, but my birthday was in couple of months.
At the time I had been dating a girl who I initially thought was really supportive of me, but she ended up pushing me back into self-doubt and insecurity.
I did come out to my parents because of her, but after that, she quickly began to question my motives and why I needed to transition - and I think this was mainly because I found out that she was horribly underexposed to pretty much anything involving the LGBTQIA community... Not just trans issues, but everything.
The story is actually much more complicated than merely that, but I'm not going to elaborate further in fear I might end up writing a novel if I do.
Essentially though, I think my poor experience with someone who I thought I could trust is what made me sure that it was time to transition. Of course, this was decision came after months of repression that was induced by the way they treated me. Only until I developed a some sort of disdain for this girl and the situation she had put me in was I finally able to get some of my self confidence back and be courageous enough to discuss transitioning with my parents once again.
This was nearly nine months after the first time I came out to them.

So for you, basically, there was no "final straw" - just a cycle of coming out and coming back inside?

I'm still in the stage of fluctuating between "I HAVE to do this NOW or I'll wallow in misery until I die" and "Maybe I can just stay as I am, and make it good enough, that's so much easier..."

Nail polish.

I'd been out in some spheres of my life, but I was afraid to tell my daughter, and I wasn't taking any concrete steps in transitioning. I was spinning my wheels and pretending this wasn't a problem.

Then one day my daughter got aggravated at a pharmacy checkout, demanding to exchange the pinkish-red nail polish she'd picked out for a shiny gum packet that she saw on the shelf. I said no. She said well fine but I don't want the nail polish. I said whatever, I'll buy it and wear it myself then, but we're not making purchasing decisions at the register.

She cracked up laughing when I said I'd wear the polish. When we got outside I asked her why the idea of me wearing that nail polish would be funny. When she said "you're not girly" I just kinda blurted out "I'm not a girl."

Crass and indelicate way to come out to my favorite human in the world, but the nail polish thing was the last straw. I didn't exactly do it wisely, but it started the gears turning and now we are so much happier.

(I do actually wear nail polish once in a blue moon, but it's usually blue or green or silver)

I was really upset about not being able to get pregnant and I kept hopelessly wishing I'd be reincarnated into a woman after I died in like, 80 years. It wasn't all about being pregnant, obviously.

Ms Dazzler-

No. I'd say being verbally abused by the girl I was dating because of my gender identity was my final straw.
I don't put my trust in a lot of people, so when I do put my trust in someone, I usually hold them to high regards.
I wasn't going to let myself get pushed around anymore, especially by people who mattered to me.
Certainly, cycling in and out of denial was part of this process.
I didn't grow up in a very open minded town, so I constantly had to take into account that when I was ready to accept myself that didn't mean anyone else was.
I was self-aware since around the time my sexual awareness kicked in; that was around the time I was ten - back then I didn't even have a name for how I felt,
I just knew that something was not right with the way my mind was communicating with my body. I was well aware as to what it meant to be around my early teens. "Amaranth"'s vacillations of state seem identical to what I went through. I really didn't become so insistent on transitioning until being happy with myself as I was no longer seemed like much of an option.

I think the biggest trigger was during my college graduation ceremony.
When I heard my birth name announced and saw it written on my diploma, I felt like my life to that point was a charade....

Quote from: Amaranth on November 20, 2011, 11:36:43 PM
I'm still in the stage of fluctuating between "I HAVE to do this NOW or I'll wallow in misery until I die" and "Maybe I can just stay as I am, and make it good enough, that's so much easier..."

  I felt the same way back when i first came out at 18, a year later i started therapy & HRT, then alittle over a year later i decided to de-transition with the idea that "maybe i could find a way to live as a guy...it would be so much easier" but i was wrong.

  I went thru 5 years of hell trying to be a boy and in the end it just wasn't me so at age 24 i decided to re-transition & i think if it wasn't for youtube i probably wouldn't have. I was under the impression that i was to old to transition again (i know dumb right) but after seeing some vid's on youtube of trans girls who were around my age and older i decided to just go for it and i've never looked back since.   

I broke up with my girlfriend.

She'd known I was trans for a year before we got together, and we'd been friends for 2 years before that. Actually when we first met she hit on me, thinking I was a girl. (Not as weird for me as it sounds, I never passed well as a guy.) But she was entirely against me transitioning. Unfortunately, I was hopelessly in love with her, and I kept thinking I could delay a little longer to stay with her... Eventually I realized that she was emotionally abusive and I needed to walk away before she ->-bleeped-<-ed me up anymore than I already was (we'd been together 2 years). I started transitioning six months later after I finally found a gender therapist who would take me on.

out of an act of desperation I got on a grayhound bus and went to Houston Texas to a transgender support group to talk to someone on how I could get started. just before this I could not get suicide off my mind. I come very close to doing it until I heard about this place. I dropped everything took my pay check left without telling anyone what I was doing.

I had reached a point that I couldn't deal with it anymore, had too much hatefulness built up towards myself and others, had become very reclusive, then my house got heavily damaged by the storm surge when Hurricane Isabel made landfall and my dad was diagnosed with throat cancer . I figured, heck, what did I really have to lose at that point, things couldn't be much worse.

"System-crash" (Epiphany) 'bout 2 years ago, 3:00 am in the morning.

Male house-of-cards fell down - one big crash. End of BS-ing self - finally.

Result:
... Big-check-out or transition.
Went for the latter, so here I am 2 month post-op.
Miracle? Maybe.

Axelle

I met a guy and shortly after we met he asked me who I was fooling - apart from myself.. This made me realise just how bad I was at being a guy.. So off to the therapist I went..

 There was no one thing that forced me to transition. I wanted to forever, and I tried my best. Going full-time, on the other hand, was aided by positive reinforcement of my feminine presentation, though ultimately decided by the simple desire to be happy. I was determined to do it, whether the consequences be good or ill, because the bottom line was that I could not stand presenting as male anymore. The feelings had been growing since the beginning, and it was eighteen when the reached the point where I had to do something.

A positive-feedback reaction, by the textbook.

I got fed up trying to be something I wasn't.  I think the final kicker was losing my job.  Yet again I was being bullied and treated abysmally, as I had been throughout my life.  It had just got to the point where I said to myself what is the point of living a lie only to be miserable and depressed.

Dysphoria wore me down to the point i was only being a guy at work then i went full time when i lost that job!