Well, it happened, I hit bottom, and last night was addmited into the ER. What happened? Very serious, very dark thoughts. Luckily I checked in and not out. Thus, now I will be seeing a military shrink, and I will be telling her the truth, because she seems to honestly want to help me.

I know I keep going back and forth, but this doctor seems to have options that I didn't have before. Maybe I can even get to the end of two years with her help. But I feel maybe someone in the military knew about me, someone who can actually help me at least.

My feelings last night were the worst I have ever had, all my life I have delt with depression, and last night I felt as if I had NOTHING to go for, that even being a girl was out of reach. I knew I had to get help, so I told my team leader, who got me addmited. The doctor who saw me was kind and took my claim seriously, and didn't put into any permenent file.

I write this now with a perhaps unbalenced mind, but one with hope at least. After talking things through with people, I feel, well, not quite so alone. Which is good, since my parents have disowned me, through words if not specific action. If anything, I feel that all of you on this fourm are more family to me now then the ones that I lived with for 18 years.

Anyway, as my friends I felt you all deserved to know what I am going through. Don't worry, I don't plan to do anything stupid now, I made a promise, and I always keep them.

Hey there Luana,

I'm really glad that you checked in and not out.  Hopefully your "shrink" will be able to help where others haven't.  And yes you have to honest otherwise what's the point, the only person you would be fooling would be yourself.

Take things day-by-day, and try to deal with one thing at a time, you have to be a pretty good juggler to keep all your balls in the air, and one slip can be disasterous, as it almost was.

I think that we have all been in the same position of going back and forth.  One thing is for sure, you can't do this by yourself, and thinking that you can will lead you in to a false sence of security. We all need help, that's one of the reasons that Susan's is here, and there is no shame in reaching out for it.

Regardless of the consequences you were right to tell your team leader, and just remember that you are never alone.  Even if you feel that your parents have disowned you, one thing they can't change is that you are there flesh and blood, just give them time, don't force the issue with them, and maybe, just maybe, they will come around.  Just remember that this was a huge shock for them to deal with.

Thanks for letting us know how things are, and remember that we don't judge, and be sure to keep those promises.

Take care,

Steph

Hi Luana,

It is good to here from you again. I was concerned after your last post that things were not well. Fortunately you did the right thing and when it all got to be too much you turned to those who were in a position to help first hand. We will be here for you too and you can always talk to us either by posting in a thread or PMs to those of us you feel comfortable talking to privately.

Try your best to see a brighter future because it is there for you if your willing to work for it and be patient. I know that is easier said than done but it does work. Let's hope you stay away from the dark place. I know that place and it is not a good place to visit and you don't want to live there. Be well and be alive.     

Cassie