So lately ive been having a struggle with my family. My extended family, mainly my cousin's, aunt's and uncle's. Every month we have a family dinner, not to mention thanksgiving, birthdays, and just random parties. I know my family looks down on me and my boyfriend too. Let me explain the boyfriend situation.. i found a great guy named Randy, he accepts me for who i am and he is aware of me being trans. He's fallen down on his luck lately and he just recently moved into my apartment with me. He lost his job earlier in the year and i let him stay with me. He helps around the house, buys his own food and clothing and pays part of the rent so he is hardly a mooch or anything he is on unemployment and looking for a job at the moment. My family see's us a gay couple so they look down on him for being "gay" as they think since they dont see me or refer to me as a woman even though me and him see ourselves as a hetero couple. The first time that he met my family they acted like snobs and my aunt even accused him of stealing my younger cousins game console (psp) i know he didnt because he was with me the whole time and there was even other's there with us. Now the whole family sees us as "->-bleeped-<-s" and they also see him as a thief and me an accomplice. This saturday i went to a nephews birthday party since he is my brother's son i felt the need to go. When me and him showed up i felt like a million eyes were just on me and him. Some people came to say hi but the rest just sat there and pretended like we werent there, it made me so uncomfortable that i couldn't go up to them and say hi. Their eyes just looked like they were judging us, as "->-bleeped-<-s" and thieves or so they think. Ive told everyone that he didnt steal it yet they dont believe us and now he looks bad to my family apart from that fact that we looked bad since the beginning. I really believe that someone just made up that accusation to make me and him look worse. I am now afraid to attend family gatherings, my cousins, aunts and uncles give me the stare of death now that they see me and him especially. I dont know what to do, should i stop caring what my extended family thinks of us? ive tried to clear his name and i found out that my cousin who is 23 yrs old and pretty social has been telling everyone else that he is a thief she even threatened us that she would confront us on the next family dinner (online of course). I was wondering what ur humble opinions are i feel like i should just stop going to these gatherings and stop caring about such rude people. Help anyone?

   Some people just can't be reached, sounds like the "he stole my psp!" thing is just an excuse to mask the real reason why they're acting like ignorant snobs which is because of you being trans and having a boyfriend. Sometimes all you can do is stop talking to those kind of people even if they're your family.

I see only two options.  The first, as quoted below...

Quote from: Rukia87xo on November 22, 2011, 09:57:41 PM
Sometimes all you can do is stop talking to those kind of people even if they're your family.

The second is the opposite.  Continue showing up at these events and show them you are proud of your relationship and being transgender.  Approach your family members with a lovely smile and greeting.  Show them that unless they speak up, you will continue to attend these events and quite simply their attempts at intimidation have no affect on you otherwise.  And if they should speak up and shun you from their lives, that is most definitely their loss.

QuoteThe first time that he met my family they acted like snobs and my aunt even accused him of stealing my younger cousins game console (psp) i know he didnt because he was with me the whole time and there was even other's there with us.

Have they actually given any rational reasons for how they think it happened, or when they think he could have done it?

Quote from: rosetyler on November 22, 2011, 10:59:27 PM
Have they actually given any rational reasons for how they think it happened, or when they think he could have done it?

No they have never given a reason other than my bratty little cousin said it was him. He is 8 yrs old and is very rude and out of control. His parents let him get away with everything and they let him act however he wants even towards adults. He got upset just because we told him that he should pick it up off the floor he simply told my boyfriend "dont tell me what to do" while pointing a toy gun at him. I have never met such a rude and annoying little kid in my life i know he's a child and everything but he is out of control

This is a difficult situation. Let things cool down - everything seems votatile right now. After few months or a year later, the incident will have lost its impact and become distant. Only then - your family will be more amenable and reasonable when emotions are not clouding their logic or judgment.

Well me being me.

I would turn up to every family meeting and make sure you and your boyfriend were totally on top of your game. Friendly and affectionate to each other and respectful to the family. Totally clamp down on any accusations firmly and clearly. 'No I did not steal anything, I am being falsely accused and that is totally immoral.'

You can always throw in the 'precocious child, he is going to have behavioural problems unless he learns some manners' to other family members.

Standing tall and proud is what I'm about. Stand tall. The one person, male , who got upset and started to insinuate things I stood in front of, and said. ' Do you think this is easy? Do you think I would choose this unless I had to? Do you have any idea of my courage and character? ' The room went quiet and a person left. It wasn't me. I'm now completely accepted to the point were my sisters in law phone me so we can go for dinner together, shopping etc. My brothers in law drive us when we have  a girl's night out. Including the twerp  , No one has a problem. I think the twerp's wife had large pieces of him after our confrontation. He even holds the door open for the females now.

Good Luck, be strong

Cindy

Most men are frightened of woman who stand up for themselves. 

"Most men are frightened of woman who stand up for themselves.  ."

I think we scare them because they see us as stronger than cis-women, and they realise can't bluff us.  You can always suggest that the child will grow up as a criminal unless he is pulled into line.

I'm so sorry. Unfortunately, we cannot choose relatives like we can friends. But that doesn't mean you have to put up with all their BS. I would cut them all out from my life and live happily ever after with your boyfriend without all the stress they are causing you.

Quote from: JenJen2011 on November 23, 2011, 08:25:43 AM
I'm so sorry. Unfortunately, we cannot choose relatives like we can friends. But that doesn't mean you have to put up with all their BS. I would cut them all out from my life and live happily ever after with your boyfriend without all the stress they are causing you.

I am a little afraid of this piece of advice... It is not healthy to pour all of yourself and everything you have into one person , especially if that means cutting off family... because what happens if you and your boyfriend break up? You suddenly find yourself afloat at the sea, without a life raft.

I believe that you should only cut off family as a FINAL resort when all attempts have been exhausted or you want to go stealth and want to hide your past.

Quote from: MsDazzler on November 23, 2011, 12:12:29 PMI believe that you should only cut off family when you want to go stealth and want to hide your past.

So you would cut off family just to go stealth but not if they're treating you and your partner like ->-bleeped-<-? Interesting. No one deserves to be treated like the OP is being treated no matter who it is.