Okay, I want to be clear that I am speaking from a very neutral position and I don't want those people on this forum who are already parents to feel bad or mad. It is not my intention to do such a thing.

As my doctor just told me - I have approximately 6 months to decide whether I want to bank sperm or not before I could go almost irreverisbly sterile. As you know, banking sperm every month for years can get quite expensive and all those money wasted if you eventually decide you do not want to have a kid.

Now that my doctor has raised that question for me,  I have talked with some friends, both trans and non-trans. I also have listened to some posters about how they were so happy they had their kids even though they wished they had transitioned earlier that they would never give them up and even if given a life re-do, they would do things exactly the same way.

Basically, it has made me wonder - would it have been better for me to have had a kid before I transitioned so I do not have to bank sperm and worry about how to have a baby in the future?

Or better to have transitioned and never had a kid - so h/she will grow up knowing me only as a mother?

Or like someone put it this way, "If I cannot reproduce the female way, then I won't reproduce at all."?

Tell me, hopefully within 6 months! 

Typically it's always best to tell your kids very early on in life.  I have a friend who transitioned when her kids were still very young.  The youngest doesn't even remember the old person.

As far as having kids after you transition, would you be going the Christine McGinn route?

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/The-Mom-Who-Fathered-Her-Own-Children-Plus-the-Cast-of-Modern-Family_1

Before I started transition... I didn't want kids. They just seemed like trouble hehe.

But, at about month 7 of hormones I think I shifted to kind of liking the idea

I didn't save anything in a bank (having genetic child would be nice)... but, I am pretty ok with it just being from my husband He can do the "fathering"

Oh, as for "before" or "after"...

I think it is DEFINITELY an "after" type of thing. For me, transitioning has sometimes been a little stressful and random (like HUGE mood swings, or some really emotional days)... I wouldn't want to subject young kids to that.

In my opinion, transition should come first, kids later but it doesn't always happen in that order, unfortunately.

Kia Ora MsDaz,

I'm fortunate enough to have 'fathered' four children and can't imagine my life without them...However I'll 'always' be their 'father' and would never deny their biological mother her right as the 'mother', and nor would I deny my children their right to have a 'father'...

When out in public with my children people just 'presume' I'm the mother and neither myself or my children correct their mistake...

I'm just a happy 'trans' parent....

So back to your question....

For some it's better for others it's not....

Metta Zenda

Well, I would think before is a lot cheaper and easier if you just have sex, lolz

My overall judgment is clouded due to having my son.  I love him more than anything and couldn't imagine my life without him.  However, trying my best to be neutral and not think of my son specifically, if I had to choose I would focus on transition first, as I know the amount of time and money required to prepare for and raise a child would most definitely postpone transition for quite a while.

When I adopt kids I want them to always have known me as Lily.

Quote from: Lily on November 23, 2011, 06:40:05 PM
When I adopt kids I want them to always have known me as Lily.

You mean you want them to call you Lily, not Mom?

I waited until my yougest kid was a teen before I startd to adjust my appearace. I have six kids (4 boys/2girls). I know I missed a life-long of female experiences, the joy of being a sexy chick, etc. I long for having transition in my 20's. Yet, I have the memories of diapers and milk bottles, boobos, tricycles, a new teeth, teddy bears, barny. mickey d's, powder puff girls, hulk, x-mas and Hannukku gifts, first shaving cream, first high heels, teaching them to shoot, swim, drive, etc. 

No, I  would not exchange that for anything,

Think ovary transplant. Before.

I personally think it's wrong to breed while there are so many already-living children who don't have parents.

Don't take what I say too harshly, though. I did birth a child, so I'm a hypocrite.

It's a no-no if you get a female pregnant knowing full well you one yourself.

For many of us in denial and repression - we too badly pretend we don't know - it happens, it is just so...

Hoping not to be misunderstood,
Axelle

Transitioning at 22, so I'm going with the "no children" route for now. Once I'm comfortable with a partner (if that even happens) I'll start thinking of adoption. I'll love the child just as much as I would as if he / she came from my loins.

Transitioning outweighs having a child with my DNA.

- Maja

Kia Ora,

"Different strokes for different folks !"

Kia Ora Axelle,

It's true, 'denial' and hoping that having children will 'cured' ones dysphoric state are for some of us the motivation[also along with an overwhelming desire to have children of our own whichever way possible-*maternal instinct*]...

However now that it's more main stream [the general public are more aware of 'transsexualism'] and trans-people are transitioning younger and younger, procreation the old fashion way [especially for the heterosexual 'androphilic' trans-women/girls] will become a thing of the past and sperm banks will take its place...Until that is, they can transplant certain body parts without fear of rejection...

Well that's the way I see things going for androphilic trans-women...But I could be wrong....

Metta Zenda  

I just lived in my imaginary world before children, they bring me more to "reality"
Problem was I can't live as male in this world so kids is the last straw for me, I love them so much, they brings happiness
Little problem is that as my wife was supportive to me at beginning now is against any femininity, transition or HRT
But I'm still happy, without her I probably wouldn't have children ever and maybe still be at denying depressive phase
BTW I want to donate some sperm and in this case I can have some stored for my need

Quote from: ♥ Alyssa Case ♥ on November 23, 2011, 09:15:55 PM
Think ovary transplant. Before.

lol, Anne Richards wrote a real good article about the possibility of transsexual pregnancy in the future. omg! 

Before I met my wife I was just a homebody cross dresser whom never had a life, never dated anyone. I told myself I would stop the cross dressing so I could have a real relationship, 10 years later we have 6 children (3 of ours and 3 fostered) and I never stopped cross dressing. I knew there was something wrong with me many years before we dated but didn't know what. I want to believe that I didn't lie to my wife, but I did, and I lied to myself as well. I am happy as a woman now.

Everyone's different, and no 2 stories are the same, do what you think is right, and be honest. Nobody is perfect, and as Christians would say,"we are all sinners".

If the partner knows you will having a sex change before hand and agrees to have a child with you anyway then great, Just be a good parent and love and help raise your child.

What makes my blood boil as parent are people who either abandon or abuse the children that they helped create.

PLEASE NOTE I do have children and any comments I make about having them before transition apply to me even more than others.

Zenda touched on the societal acceptance now vs 10 or 20 years ago.  It was such a stigma that most of us were in denial to ourselves even.  Just like Breanne I didn't really date until I met my wife.  And I didn't come out to her because, when I thought about it, I thought it was something that I could never do so why acknowledge it [and I tried NOT to think about it because it hurt too much].  We have 2 kids and both have been raised very accepting so they are OK with me now, but it is harder on them.  And in an ideal world it wouldn't happen.  I am incredibly happy with my children and I have many fond memories.  I would follow the same life path if it meant I could have them again, but it isn't just me in the picture.  Is it really fair to them or my wife?  Today it is much easier to get therapy to talk about gender issues then it was back then.  Therapy then was a boogie man.  Be good or you'll get locked away.  As the world becomes more and more aware of gender issues (even if it isn't accepted, just knowing others are out there helps a ton), I think we'll see a lot less transitioners with children.

Look at it this way.  With today's surgery we CANNOT bear children ourselves.  So if you are straight you can't have children "early" and storing sperm is pointless.  If you are a lesbian then why can't you be like every other lesbian couple and adopt or use a bank?

So basically I'm not a good role model for this, and all I can offer is excuses, but today those excuses are even less relevant.

Yeah... that is why when I get to know a man online, I prod and  subtly to find out his feelings about having children. If he reallly wants to have them someday, especially with his genes, then he is probably not right for me.

It would never work out for us in the long run - I would always feel sad not being able to produce children for him, and I would always feel threatened by other natal females because my husband might one day wake up and say he is leaving me so he can make babies with other natal females.

In a way, I am glad that I misidentified as a gay man through my 20s because that meant I was dating men so I never had an opportunity to get some gal pregnant since I was not interested in them. I guess I should be grateful that I do not have children to contend with or to postpone/sacrifice my transition for them.

For the record, I have never, ever had sex with a woman - natal or trans.