I have a trans friend who is "striving to become gorgeous" she is not happy with herself even though she has already had srs and grs. She still has some masculine traits and she has had extensive facial feminization. She is 36 and has spent the past 10 years and who knows how many thousands to try and become beautiful. Ive known her for almost 3 years and she is obsessed. Sadly there are things that she cant change such as her large bone structure, height and certain facial traits but she just doesn't get it. She is obsessed and is willing to spend all her money to look like a 100% genetic woman . My question is, isnt it enough to just change our bodies to match or do we have to be gorgeous and completely passable too?

I will simply say that we each have our own set of goals within our individual transitions.

I'd only need to be beautiful for one other person. Beyond that, passing is my only concern.

Looking like I take care of myself is important though. I often fuss over my hair because if it's not dried and flatironed a certain way it looks really unkempt. I like to look presentable, but that's not the same as wanting to be hot.

Hmm, well, some are satisfied with the way they look, some are not. This is not exclusive to trans women only. Natal females, males, and trans men do it as well, albeit in different ways.

Plastic surgery is one of the hottest industry in America and I do not foresee it going away at any time. Heck, I would like to have some plastic done on me, but nothing major, though.

  Passing is very important to most transwomen so idk if i'd call it an obsession but it does sound like her expectations are a little to high.

Her obsession has been of way more than just simply passing, she's had silicone injections in a way that would be considered "back alley"  she's currently trying to find a way to change her pelvic width and actually squeezes and forces her feet into smaller sizes to attempt to change the size of her feet while looking like she has smaller feet than she naturally does.

I don't really have any advice, but rather just an observation.

It's amazing to me how wide-ranging of goals that transsexuals can have. For example, (In my case and in others I imagine) estrogen being supplied to the brain is enough to make some of us happier than we ever have been. While on the other extreme end, your friend exhibits an obsession with forming herself into a mold that she will not fit into comfortably; and will not stop until she does fit into it.

It's almost like there is something even more psychologically complicated in her case. Kinda like an anorexic will never view theirselves as the correct weight. Does that make sense?

yeah i totally understand what u mean, i have a feeling that's what is going on with her

She is delusional, she doesn't accept being born in a male body. I guess it's common. But everyone has to set realistic goals to live happy.
I look myself and i confess, by now, not having done no modification at all, and not evn being on hrt, i wish i will start soon and i feel sad and delusional too

well personally in my case i just wish to be able to only appear female i don't care for looks. ok i do but when every girl you meet says your hot you kinda hope when you finally look how you should boys will to   i don't think she's anything but justified because no one should judge her beliefs   i often get sad about my body when i really shouldnt but that's how it is just let her try eventually she will realise. its no ones place to judge her  

this happens to a lot of people, including non transgender people like myself.... i could never afford surgery or anything but i have a feeling if i had the money i would get things changed... I think it's more of a deep rooted problem that is totally different than gender issues

Quote from: roseofthedevilsgarden on November 26, 2011, 04:57:52 AM
I think it's more of a deep rooted problem that is totally different than gender issues

Exactly. And honestly if she is doing it to a point where she is putting herself at serious risks (ie backalley injections), then somebody needs to step in and tell her she needs psychological help.

unfortunately this sounds like body dysmorphic disorder
it's something i actually suffer from so I understand it well.
It can turn into a nasty form of obsessive compulsive disorder, which it is to begin with
but the obsessions can get worse if she doesn't treat herself.

It may be, from what I understand, that she's in great pain.

Quote from: Sweet Blue Girl on November 26, 2011, 04:19:52 AM
She is delusional, she doesn't accept being born in a male body. I guess it's common.

+1.

I feel transition is a great thing. But people need to stay grounded in reality at the same time.