hidely ho transerinos (and transarinas)

I feel lately like I'm struggling a little, I've started transitioning in a way. Had therapy and getting voice coaching, which is actually so much tougher than I thought it would be, I don't know why though coz my voice was never feminine to begin with.
Thats all going really well but I feel kind of stuck in a way. I'm out to my parents who aren't thrilled, and I wouldn't blame them, but are trying to be supportive. The thing is they have asked me not to tell my 3 younger brothers till after Christmas. That I can also understand since it could make the holidays awkward.

The problem with this is that I can't come out to anyone else where I live until after I tell them because it would get back to them quickly enough. At the same time I don't want to tell anyone else in college (2 of my best friends already know) until I'm ready for everyone to know, family and all because there is some overlap in social circles and news like this would travel quickly enough if even one person couldn't keep it secret.

All of this makes me feel kind of stalled, I can't practice my voice/makeup at home if anyone is around and have to keep pretending i'm still the guy I just want to escape. Every extra day I have to keep pretending it just gets worse.

On top of all of this I recently realised I can't decide on a name. I thought for ages I wanted to be called Claire, but now that it's getting closer to the time to start using it, even in only very limited ways, in the real world it is impossible to commit. Along with the pressure piling on in college now I just feel a little overwhelmed.

I guess some of you probably went through similar things, a few probably had it much worse I know. I was wondering if anyone had any tips on how to keep that feeling of momentum  into the life you deserve when eerything seems to be stalled??
Also how did you guys pick your names?? I have a shortlist but it keeps changing every day 

Hang in there!
The Christmas is in just a month so you should be able to just take a little break and go on after it with your transition.
As for voice practice you could do this while driving i.e. or in the shower, elevator, restroom and such.

I choose my name simply because it resonated with me. I couldn't just pick any name but a name that I thought could be me.
This turned to freak out my parents as my new chosen name is what my younger sister's name was potentially going to be but I was too little to remember that.
Some people choose the female version of their male name. James into Jamie, Steven into Stephanie, Brian into Brianna...
good luck!

As has already been beautifully said, hang in there!  I know all too well what the brick wall feels like.  I'm stuck waiting for my visa to be approved which could take another 9 months - I can't even make an appointment to see my GP to start the process because I have to wait for the visa to be granted before I can use Medicare.  I also have a no work clause which means until I get the visa, we can't afford to pay out of pocket on just my wife's income.  I honestly feel like giving up sometimes, especially seeing other transfolk starting hormones left and right.  But I just keep focusing on my social transition in the meantime - working out clothes and haircuts and socialising with my TG support group. I chose my name as it was one that I had loved since I was young.

I keep typing and deleting. /too sleepy to think

My transition has been and still is pretty slow. There was a long time where certain people knew and others didn't, and there were people I didn't tell because word travels fast and I didn't want to be out to my kid yet. I don't know how I held on. I struggled a lot too with feeling stalled-out and frustrated.

Also I took forever to pick a name, and if you like Claire but don't feel like it's you, I think there's nothing wrong with trying out something else. I thought about all sorts of meaningful names, significant letter combinations, etc, but I picked Felix for no reason other than that it felt comfortable to me.

Wow, do I ever understand you. And how annoying is this?

But it does give you some time to be prepared for the most important point of all. What to actually say.

You see, if it were me, I wouldn't say anything like, I'm going to be a woman/I want to be a woman/I'm changing my sex. Simply because this isn't true and I wouldn't want to start on a not of dishonesty.

I would simply tell them, I'm female. I always have been. I've been living a lie but now I'm going to be who I am.

Another thing springs to mind. Will the parents try to make it some big moment? Will they gathyer everyone round, telling them there is something they have to hear, that XXX will be making an important announcement? 

I'd try to avoid that. I think I'd prefer to wait for the day after Christmas, then, over dinner or something, just come out and say it. Almost casually.

Thanks for the support guys, My main concern with the name thing is that I won't know whats right till I try it out in real world situations but if it's not right I don't want to keep changing my name every week. I feel that would make it seem like I don't know what I want, and my mother would use that as a sign that I'm not ready for this.

Spacial, It will be a big announcement thing alrite.  The matriarch has decreed, so it shall be  The day after Christmas here is St. Stephens Day and is quite a big thing in my family, we spend all day in my grandparents house with the extended family and stuff.

It will probably be sometime in the new year, but that presents the problem that my Birthday is at the end of January and seeing as its my 21st my parents won't want to "make it awkward" which pushes this back to February and then my brother has important exams coming up, it would be unfair to do this now. I'm sure you can all see the pattern that's forming. This is typically the way my mother deals with awkward things she doesn't like, She says she'll support them and then finds one reason after another why it shouldn't happen or its the wrong time.

I guess I'm just under too much pressure in college to be up for such an uphill battle right now as well. On top of all that I have seen a GID specialist psychologist privately and got a diagnosis, I am currently seeing a regular psychiatrist to get the mandatory second opinion (student healthcare means thats not costing me much) and now he has suggested I talk to a councellor in college about the ore day to day issues, also not at my expense. The problem I have with thisis I am far too busy right now to keep making appointments with three seperate people and then having to come up with bull->-bleeped-<- exuses to my friends when I need to go see them because I'm not out. I'm just not having a nice time of it right now.

That turned into a much longer rant than I thought it would. Thanks again for the support and putting up with this.

Sounds to me like trying to find a good time to quit smoking. You may not find a time to come out that isn't going to interfere with or derail other events in your life.

I understand about not looking sure with the name. Don't give ammo to those who doubt you. Try out names online, or in your head, or on paper.

Best of luck. I'm glad you have healthcare at least, so you aren't having to spend out of pocket for all the runaround. Btw, I don't have a GID diagnosis. I didn't bother trying to get one because it seemed kind of obvious and redundant. Lack of official diagnosis hasn't interfered with my treatment at all.

Oh I know there won't be an ideal time, like the title suggests life gets in the way, but trying to tell that to my parents is like spitting into the wind.

It's a requirement here to get a diagnosis in order to get on hormones. Only one place ion the country that does it on the public system and private is waaaaay to expensive.

I can definitely relate to feeling stalled out. I am not able to come out while in my current job for reasons I won't go into here and I have had no success in finding alternate employment (haven't given up on looking). So, I'm kind of spinning my wheels until something changes. I'm focusing on my voice for now, since I can do that when not at work and it something that needs to be done anyway.

As for my name, I started out with Caitlin because it really resonated with me. I started using Dana because I like the sound and thought it would be a good transitional name. It has a flowing grace when written. It is gender neutral so I can use it, for example, on my credit cards while still legally male and still get away with using it in most cases when presenting as female. It sounds close to my given name, so if I accidentally respond to the wrong name for my presentation while in public, I can always claim "I must have misheard you..."

So, my name going forward, at least for now, is Dana Caitlin H****. I can live with it.

Some of my friends who are "in the know" also call me "Cat", partly due to my occasional cat-like behaviors apparently.