I can't forget the primary reason I come here, and that's to salve the wounds until I gets my surgeries performed. Sure, I'll probably stick after that, if I can stay out of jail or whatever, but I sometimes stop thinking about my goals and needs and stuff starts to fall to he**.

I am one of those who will require SRS, the alternatives are just not big enough fixes, and I don't consider this to be a fortunate understanding.

I am not focused, nor am I effective.

I guess I'm just whining or something. I'm like a person that's been knocked off course temporarily and has little desire to do what's best... My dysphoria is making me into a depressed loser. I have to focus and make this a positive thing again. It has been done.

Sometimes, as my ex says, you don't progress or digress--you just "gress." I used to interpret this as the equivalent of keeping my head above water and not drowning. I did a lot of gressing.

If you do start to drown, we'll try to hold you up.

Hi Emma,

      I don't know if you've been to a therapist, yet, but that's an important step in this process.  The therapist can help you sort out if you really do have a condition that surgery will help.  If your dysphoria is the result of other things in your head, you need to find that out.  There are many stories of people who regret having surgery.  There are also about 98 stories of those who are very happy they did it for every one who regrets it. 

      Many people will tell you that it's an impossible goal, but as one who's done it successfully, it's not all that big of a deal.  You just have to want it and to not just say you want it, but to act like it.

      I've known people who say they could never afford it and they're driving cars that will end up costing them more than the surgery would. 

       One of the biggest steps is getting cleared to start hormones if you do qualify.  Hormones will calm down your brain some and, hopefully, allow you more peace of mind.

       You need a clear goal--time, place, price.  If you buy a car, the finance company does all that for you.  They tell you how much the payments are, how long you have to make them and where to mail the money.  At the end of it, you own the car.

       If you do the same thing and make the payments into your own savings account, you'll have the money eventually and you're set.

       Above all, others will give you advice.  Look at what they have before you listen to what they say.  If they have what you want, you may listen to them.    HOWEVER, if they don't have what you want, don't listen to a thing they say.  Be very careful about sharing your dreams, for most people can't understand and will try to talk you out of it.   There are many success stories to be read and used for inspiration.  Seek them out and pursue your dreams.

       You can one day wake up and find what you've always wanted between your legs.  The day that you do, you will find that all your mental anxiety is gone.  Vanished, poof.  If you talk to many successful post-op women, they'll almost all tell you that their brain was fixed by a surgical procedure.

      Surgery doesn't just fix your body, it can fix your brain.  There is such a thing as a cure for transsexualism.  You may not have to live with this forever.

       Just for the record, I am one of those successful post-op women.  I did it all on my own, with no financial help from anyone.  It can be done.  You just have to believe it is possible and act accordingly.

Re:Joyce:

I guess I need my post count back, don't I?
(You don't remember me? 1600 posts? Wiki staff? Loopy and serious at the same time?)

I have been to a couple of therapists over three years. I have a good, inexpensive one that I have kept on for 9 months. My run of problems stems from GID and money matters. I have been on HRT since late March. The reason I seem all wacked is because I simply need more money for the many things that passing and getting out of transition requires. I lost my income when the economy went all the way south, the downturn cost me my career, my references, my credit, drained all my accounts, I very narrowly avoided bankruptcy...

Anyway, today is my birthday, and it's another that I just won't celebrate. I need a place to vent and here is where I make myself look as insane as I sometimes feel.

Your advice is good, though, for someone just beginning.