Tonight was "make up night". I'm so pissed off and it's made my dysphoria about twenty times worse. Usually, I don't let dysphoria get to me. But since I got my dude haircut, my mom has been all about feminizing me. My dad said I was turning into a woman and it just breaks my heart to see him so happy about that.

Why the hell should anyone, girl or ftm or anyone perceived as female, have to be forced into wearing makeup? Why should anyone, when they obviously don't feel comfortable, have to put up with that ->-bleeped-<-? Now it's not coming off and everytime I look in the mirror I'm reminded even more so of what I am. Why does soceity feel the need to force women to wear make up? It's cool if you want to, but does it have to be necessary?

ANd I hate the fact that I can't come out right now. My mom's got some stuff going on within her side of the family, and said side of the family is coming over for thanksgiving. It's too close to thanksgiving to come out anyway, but they're going to tell me how pretty I am.

And I feel horrible and guilty about even thinking of coming out. it's going to hurt my parents and they're already so stressed out. I want to tell them, but I've already promised myself I'll wait until after December(not a good month to do it, I don't feel like explaining.) They keep asking why I don't want to wear make up, and keep saying it's okay to be feminine, but all I can do is say that I don't want to.

Ugh. I know I don't have it half as bad, but I don't know how I'll make it through the next month or two without coming out if I have to wear make up. It's stupid, but when I first got my haircut, I could look at just my face for the first time and recognize it on an emotional level as "me". If my mom wants me to wear make up, that is gone and I can't stand it.

Bleh. :/

I will never understand the obsession with make-up.  To be honest, it is really only good for professional acting.  For the most part, make-up just makes people look fake.  When I am interacting with someone, I want to see a person rather than a Barbie doll.

I say, leave the make-up for theaters and fashion shows.

Back in high school, my mom tried the same thing with me. I just resigned myself to the fact that she wasn't giving up in the near future, but I kept telling myself that once I was done high school I was done being who mom wanted me to be and that I was going to be who I wanted to be. And now I'm working on that.

It's rough, and the makeup sucks when you have to deal and they don't know why you hate it so much. Especially when you don't want to let them down or anything by refusing.
Be strong on the inside, and you'll make it.

What in the hell are you talking about?  Please do not tell me that your mother is forcing you to wear makeup?  I'm very confused.  But this is abusive IMO.   WTF?

Sorry about the way long overdue reply on this. I'm in a much better mood. Reading over it, I sound pretty damn dramatic.

@ mixie Yes, my mom is trying to get me to wear make-up, even though she knows I couldn't do it for the life of me and that I don't like it. But then again, if she knew I was ftm, make-up would be the last thing she would be thinking of...:/ Sorry for the confusion.

@ Jasper Sorry you had to go through that. O.o But thanks for the advice

@VeryGnawty Agreed. I don't understand what is so necessary about it. -sighes-

Thanks for all the replies, and I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner.

She's just teaching you how to do it so you know. I went out with a girl who had a hippy mother who didn't teach her makeup because she had some sort of hippy prejudice against it. She was so bitter about that because it took her years to catch up with the other girls and she thought it outcast her.

I think she had some embarrassing adolescent moments when she applied it inexpertly. She ended up wearing jeans and t-shirt and now in her 30's (when she thinks about it) feels she missed out on being girly when she was at her prettiest.

she really likes makeup too and she's very good at applying it.

I know she means well and all, but it sucks that I know she's just wasting her time. :/ But thank you for reminding me of that, it helps bring it into perspective more. A little bit isn't going to kill me, and she's only trying to help prepare me.