I am still in the closet and have only told 3 people that I believe I am mtf transexual. It has only been about 9 months since I told anyone. But I'm still on this high from it.

So, I was getting my haircut yesterday. As the stylists was finishing up she asked "have you had some sort of hormonal change lately? Change your diet? Go thru menopause? 

Go thru menopause? Wow!  Obviously that last one was a joke, but still. What a shocking thing to ask somebody like me!

She said "I can see it in your hair." I have pretty long hair and she could see a difference in the end lengths from the new growth.

I had already been thinking that my body is changing just from telling people and accepting that I am transexual. I feel like I'm on this high still. And then for the stylist to ask me if I have had any kind of hormonal change lately because she can see it in my hair. Wow. Apparently my body is changing, because I haven't changed my diet. Just my outlook on life and the high that acceptance has brought.

Things like that actually make me feel good.

Like when somebody accidently calls me ma'am because I have long hair and don't look real masculine. They apologize when they realize I'm male, but inside I'm going "YAY!!!" 

Honestly, I noticed the same thing about myself.  That's why I give credence to Harry Benjamin Syndrome.

Melissa

Quote from: Melissa on March 02, 2007, 11:43:39 AM
Honestly, I noticed the same thing about myself.  That's why I give credence to Harry Benjamin Syndrome.

Me too. I was looking through my old driver licenses one day and thought, "what the...?"

I started looking more feminine right around the time I SERIOUSLY started wrestling with transitioning... this was YEARS ago. Not FEMALE mind you, I'd never pass or anything, but my facial features definately softened over the years.

Mighta just been getting older, mighta been the Propecia I was on for years... who knows?

Weird though. Especially since my T levels were borderline abnormally *high*.

Kate

Although I am keenly interested in Melissa's theory my opinion would be that it is possible that since you have opened up to a few and are exploring more, you are relaxing and in doing so you are being more yourself and it is healthier which would have a positive effect on it all.

Ive had something similar happen twice in my life....

First time was moveing the heck out of my parrents house....
Second was comeing out to my at the time SO...and everyone else...

I beleave its that reduction in stress, When I moved out of my parrents house I had a 6 inch receeding hairline that grew back most of the way on its own preHRT.  Stress is a killer and causes hair thinning and hair loss and gods know how many other things....   When I came out to my SO and family I noticed that not only was it growing back, but it started growing in thicker and fuller overall... I guess keeping secrets like that is poisonous as well...  Anyways once I started HRT it got even better from there... and its taken about 2 years for my stylest to make it all work right (sence I refused to go that short before and wanted the hairline to correct itsself as much as it would on its own  LoL)

Ummmm,  Tink,  there are many types of IS and not all of them are found in your chromosones...  like you could have had androgen insencitivity syndrom or something like it      But in the end It really dosnt matter unless you want some sort of validation.    *Hugs*

Me too?

Something feels very different. I would love to be able to explain it all but all I can do is wonder and enjoy.

I just started telling  a few close friends (10 days ago) what I have known forever and it has been incredibly liberating. Its like the hormones I was meant to have have been released. Yes I'm sure much of it can be explained as placebo and release of the stress and just my imagination - but the effects on my mental state are very real.

Debbie

QuoteNow, besides everything else, I believe in science more than anything really  , I really do.  And considering that both of my karyotype tests came back XY, I am not sure where I fall in the "intersex" category. 

Yup.  I'd bet $$$ that you are a type of IS person. Your situation sounds a lot like an old friend of mine.

There are cases of women with type XY and men with type XX in the literature, in addition to all of the XXy's, and XYY's and whatnot everyone is more familiar with. We have to remember it's not that well understood. Ironically, they seem to know more about ->-bleeped-<- and transsexualism than intersexism.

Believe me, sometimes I think that you are better off not knowing, because in knowing, you may find out things you wish you hadn't. Betrayal by family is often difficult, if not impossible to contend with, or to grow beyond. We depend on our families to look out for our best interests, but all too often, they are simply seeking to avoid a certain level of embarrassment?

At least if you are (IS), you are one of "the lucky ones?" You have moved on, and become a really cool person, a productive person. So many people get mired in resentment, and get stuck in the same place. I know a few people like that. Been there, done that myself. But at some point, you have to let go of the old to start the new.

Like my Mother always says, "life goes on."

Brooke it is so nice to read your post!

It has taken almost two years for the excited feeling to break through for me!

It was a bubbly chatty really nice feeling.  I did share that with my friends here.

..........
I was at an exam place a week ago and I asked a lady where the restroom was located.  She told me the ladies restroom was to the right!  She did not correct herself and a bunch of ladies overheard her.  Of course I visited the men's restroom but the water fountain was broken.   I proceeded to go over to the ladies' restroom for water at their fountain.  The ladies waiting outside kept telling me the men's restroom is on the other side. I had to assure them I only wanted water.   

.............
Tink I am not sure what intersexual means.  However when I was 12 my breasts swelled and if I rubbed them a whitish fluid would came out.  I showed them to my mom who of cause called my dad (my dad always challenged my masculinity anyway).  The doctor said, "It can happen." By 14 Mr. T had me up to 120 pounds and 5' 8".  I guess I would not need breast augmentation, body or face hair removal, or SRS to be a MTF.  I was still a pretty girl at that time.

I grew a few more inches and put on close to 100 pounds of muscle by 23.  I did not take steroids and exercised 3 hours a day.  I guess I was a girl Spartan?
.......
I am a total closet person.  Wendy is screaming inside and yet if I can appease Wendy in any way possible I would stay a girl Spartan! I need to tame that wild girl.

Tink and Wendy...I wanted to adress something wrt to the breast sorness/swelling and even the fluid Wensdy mentions.

Both males and females CAN produce breast milk or at least colostrum. That is a medical fact and may not be related at allo to TG issues. Infant GM's are get swollen breasts as well.

Quote from: Brooke NY on March 02, 2007, 07:13:59 AM
I am still in the closet and have only told 3 people that I believe I am mtf transexual. It has only been about 9 months since I told anyone. But I'm still on this high from it.

So, I was getting my haircut yesterday. As the stylists was finishing up she asked "have you had some sort of hormonal change lately? Change your diet? Go thru menopause? 

Go thru menopause? Wow!  Obviously that last one was a joke, but still. What a shocking thing to ask somebody like me!

She said "I can see it in your hair." I have pretty long hair and she could see a difference in the end lengths from the new growth.

I had already been thinking that my body is changing just from telling people and accepting that I am transexual. I feel like I'm on this high still. And then for the stylist to ask me if I have had any kind of hormonal change lately because she can see it in my hair. Wow. Apparently my body is changing, because I haven't changed my diet. Just my outlook on life and the high that acceptance has brought.

Things like that actually make me feel good.

Like when somebody accidently calls me ma'am because I have long hair and don't look real masculine. They apologize when they realize I'm male, but inside I'm going "YAY!!!" 

hormonal change as in increased estrogen levels?  not possible!

decreased testosterone levels.  very possible.

men only produce a very small amount of estrogen by the adrenal glands, so an increase of this hormone is very unlikely; yet, if your testosterone levels are decreasing due to whatever reasons, it may cause some mild feminizing effects.  you could ask your doctor for a testosterone test just to see if it falls between normal range male levels.

QuoteThere are cases of women with type XY and men with type XX in the literature, in addition to all of the XXy's, and XYY's and whatnot everyone is more familiar with. We have to remember it's not that well understood. Ironically, they seem to know more about ->-bleeped-<- and transsexualism than intersexism.

True.  I've been doing an independent study this semester involving alu sequences in DNA. Unfortunately, we're looking at Chromosome 16 (I really wanted to look at the sex chromosomes, but we don't have the resources here) and while I was researching alu I found an article that talked about it being linked to an XX male.  Another interesting fact, the amount of alu sequences is increasing in human births at around every 200 births, so there is definately some type evolving going, it's just that nobody's exactly certain what these alu inserts do and there seems to be a large dependence on what chromosome the insert occurs and also the location of the insert on the chromosome.  The one I'm studying is on the intron (the parts of DNA where the genes aren't expressed) so it's not coded for but there has been significant evidence of alu inserts on or near the exon (the parts of DNA where the genes are expressed) that are linked with certain genetic illness (a laundry list of them as a matter of fact, but it's apparent that alu isn't the only cause of these diseases).  It's really cool stuff, but sometimes it makes my brain hurt!

when you are done with that study i would love to read it for educational purposes

I'm afraid it's really not going to be all that exciting.  The alu sequence on Chromosome 16 can only be used to indicate the gene frequencies of a population to determine the evolutionary path the populations' ancestors were on and to check if the population is evolving or in Hardy-Weinberg Equilibrium. The true purpose of the independent study is to show Upstate Medical that I can do this type of experiment and use bioinfomatics to help me draw conclusions from the data I collected. 

No, the information I came across while researching the alu sequence itself is what I thought was really interesting, the actual experiment I have to do is pretty dull.  Someday, when I'm a full-fledged scientist, I would love to be able to research reasons why some genetic males expience the things that Tink was talking about.  Genes code for the production of every protein in the body, they code for the way a single cell becomes a human being, if there is a reason for transexualism it will be in the genes, somewhere. What if the X and Y chromosomes responsible for physical gender are not responsible for certain hormone productions?

Polycystic ovary syndrome has been linked to a mutation of a gene on Chromosome 15 and the entire basis for this syndrome is the presence of abnormal hormonal levels.  Hmm...food for thought...

i love any form of informations.....i would still be curious to see it if you are willing

Here's something that I found unusual.  I know your voice is not supposed to change.  However do your gestures change unconsciously?  I looked at my own gestures in the mirror and they looked different. 

i dont know, but it would be nice.  although most of my gestures and how light i walk are already feminine to a certain degree.

Wendy,

After admitting to a few close friends, colleagues and my wife,  I've noticed that I've let certain actions and feelings come out in public. I definitely have a more feminine feeling most days and it may be showing up in my gestures too.

I also have bad days, where things aren't moving along as fast as I want them too and/or my wife is having an especially difficult time with what I told her. Its those days that I go back into my shell and start wishing I never told anyone. For a short time, anyway, I feel like the old person I was three weeks ago. I don't particularly like that.

Also, I was shocked the other day (it was a good day) when I looked in the mirror and noticed a woman staring back at me for the first time ever. Very strange considering I have not shaved my beard. lol

The mind is a powerful thing.

Debbie

Debbie,

I am not sure if telling my wife will change my gestures however it is the correct thing to do.  Telling your wife may allow you to better express how you feel.  This feeling may have been suppressed for decades.

I have been told that meds do affect the brain over time and I  was wondering if some psychological changes such as gestures were being influenced by the meds.  I know I changed my hand gestures in mid-sentence.  I was wondering if this is a "natural change" or is it relearned.
............
Rachel unfortunately I am not light footed.  You are two steps ahead of me on that one.
 

Quote from: Wendy on March 27, 2007, 02:16:00 PM
I have been told that meds do affect the brain over time and I  was wondering if some psychological changes such as gestures were being influenced by the meds.  I know I changed my hand gestures in mid-sentence.  I was wondering if this is a "natural change" or is it relearned.

I don't really know why, but I can say that I act *totally* different now around people I'm comfortable with... especially women. I keep saying it feels like being drunk, having no inhibitions and just not being so darn rigid and censored and artificial anymore.

It happens around cute guys a lot too, which REALLY freaks me out afterwards when I realize how stupid and embarassing I just was, lol.

It's only around people that scare me - my wife, most men - that I clam up, and that old, super-controlled personality comes back. In crowds too.. I feel so self-conscious, I tense up and get protective and rigid.

It's funny though, I was trying to explain this all to my wife the other night, how I'm uncomforable around her because she gets so mad at some of the things I do... and during the explanation I accidentally started to do a hand gesture she HATES... realized it, stopped it, started to apologize, realized what had just happened, and laughed and said "LIKE THAT! SEE WHAT I MEAN??"

Kate