Well, entire life time and here I am, recovering from what was until now only a dream, countless nights laying in bed and imagining her, beautiful, soft and sensual, just as she always was but deprived the experience for the sake of acceptance and conformity.
40+ years denying her place among the living, and only recently through pain and sorrow becoming true and real. But real amongst others seamed far away concept, missing was the key ingredient.................... unmistakable presence!
Such was the need for FFS and to begin with, surgery was as far fetched as living full normal life. But miracles do happen, and after quite a few of those presented it self before me, I started to believe!
I talked to my friends who have accepted Inna with open hearts and slowly money became available. During these trying times for everyone, those loved ones came through for me, even though they them selves were not sure of tomorrow, such is their love, without limits yet immaculate and real.
Here I shall write a recollection of events unfolding and perhaps be able to help some of you in opportunity otherwise way too expensive and denied to a person in my shoes.

Love,  INNA

November 16th was a date I was to depart from Tampa Florida to Guadalajara Mexico. I woke up that day into a dream, it seamed, wow! the day had come when I shall start a journey to my birth into reality of this place, to be acknowledged and respected for who I feel I always was, a girl within shall become a girl in flesh as well!
I got a ride to the airport from my dear friend who was instrumental in financing major part of this process, he carried my luggage saying "well, you are a girl now, so it is only proper for me to help you this way" it was wholesome as well as surreal. I waked into the terminal and through all the aspects of process, all throughout I was called maam, since about couple of months I started to be noticed as a female however, sometimes I would get the stare of puzzlement

Security went smoothly and I was boarding my plane soon. Flights went on as scheduled and I had arrived in Guadalajara at 10pm local time.

There I got picked up by Vicente one of two gentlemen who run Rest and Recovery house in conjunction with the surgeon who shall perform the surgery. Vincente made an impression of clean and wholesome guy with face of an angel, cute as it gets and handsome as well!

Beautiful city reminding much of European flare, small cars and requiring driving skills of a formula one driver.


I settled down in my private room with my own bathroom and A/C unit, something quite unheard of in Guadalajara.


Next morning a trip for the final, except real time, consultation with the doctor and assisting surgeon. So I got invited downstairs into a dining room for a meal. WOW! what a meal it was, Vincente is the Mama of the household and his culinary skills are of highest standards, I only wished following the surgery that I would not be operated in my mouth because stitches prevented me from enjoying all that fab cooking and I had to result to soups and shakes............still, soups and shakes were fab withing its own right!

I hope no on responding has discouraged you from post more. I am looking forward to each part of the story. And when are you going to get yourself over to Melbourne, or at least in O-Town?

Inna, best of luck and a swift recovery. Stay safe.

You absolutely deserve every bit of this Inna.

Go forward and claim the world as yours.

Take it by storm if necessary. There is a big place in it for you

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

thank you lovely girls and so I go on!

Those boys are as cute on the outside as they are wholesome on the inside, Vincente is a Mexican born who left for US and worked at the Mexican abasy that is where he met Tyler, American handsome stud, Georgia boy and sparks followed. They did get married but because of federal laws preventing from recognition of their marriage they decided to leave for a place where such marriage would be recognized and therefore wholesome and real. Mexico turned out to be more progressive in acceptance then States, go figure 

Here they are with their dog who makes old mans snoring sound when a sleep, I kid you not!!!



Accommodations are great, supremely clean house in the double gated community with security 24/7

..........although all that we hear about the Mexican violence is a farce, blown out of proportion and restricted to regions and fractions fighting their own war, city is bustling and alive with people going about their business and enjoying beautiful sites. Just as living in New York city could be compared to hell by a European reading News, life goes on without the glitch.



Consultation turned out to be just an awesome time spent with an awesome man! What a beautiful person, we hit off right away and shared plenty of information regarding the surgery. Being trained in design I had prepared the photoshop images with before and after Virtual FFS with dimensioning in millimeters. I wanted to convey the message of what I expect as precise as it gets so that I left no room for later surprises except of course I knew and accepted the nature of the procedure and possibilities of variant in result due to our own bodies limitations.

The next day had come, I woke up and went to take the last shower to wash my old face, but amongst all the anticipation this showering event didn't turn into a spiritual ritual but simply just getting clean for surgery. I was forbidden to eat or drink anything from 12 midnight lst night so on the empty stomach we jumped into a car and off to the clinic.

The clinic is located in the immense Spanish architecture house once a household of Cardenas family and place where Dr. Cardenas grew up. With a typically Spanish flair it feels more like home then hospital, something quite pleasant and homy. Availability of another location, hi tech glass and granite and stainless steel facility requires more funds for the same surgical procedures and staff, and obviously the same outcome, so considering my options as to weather do the full FFS or have a red carpet treatment with limited procedures, I opted for the obvious!

Here are some picks of the top notch, posh location, oh la la and some more funds to go along!



I was shown to my private recovery room, handed paperwork to sign and stripped into a patient gown, not a chic garment by any means, but I have made every effort to tie it in the most couture way possible!
Then laid down on the hospital bed and awaited.................
Knock on the door and door opens slowly revealing Dr. Cardenas and his surgical team, they all walked in and greeted me with bunch of lovely smiles. Then Doctor proceeded to marking my face as to the lines of entry and injection points. They discussed once more the overall procedures and left saying, "see you soon". Moments later lovely nurse had come and proceeded to find a suitable vain to poke at with her IV line. I was prepped and ready, ready like never before in my entire life, the moment I dreamed about since 7 years old.
The door opened once again and the nurse invited me to follow her into the surgery room. I got blue booties and a hair cover and walked into already bustling room full of nurses assistants and doctors, laid on the table and took a deep breath and thought, "If I go away today, I had experienced the most beautiful and wholesome joy and happiness, and I feel fulfilled and whole". With that mantra I glimpsed to my right and from the corner of my eye spotted  anesthesiologist's syringe approaching an IV line. Then the cold feel of a liquid infiltrating my vain, I said;"oh.............. tequila, gracias! I heard the quiet laughter of the staff and then............................................................................................... 

Oh Honey thats great

I woke up in my recovery room, weak to the point of barely able to stand on my own. Of course it is a standard issue following general anesthesia. As I am bandaged and drugged I run my hand over my throat and feel Adams apple as pronounced as always. A minute of surprise and then back out again! A soft knock on the door and I awake to the nurse coming in with meds. IV, fluids and all the vitals being checked. After a while she leaves the room. Next I awake to another girl coming in and asking if I am hungry, I nod YES and she leaves saying "I bring food" in the heavy Spanish accent. I feel uncomfortable and out of it, literal feeling of a truck running over your head seems to be eased by a soft blanket of pain medication which does the job but can not return the strength to my body. Numb, yet with realization that steps had been taken to further my arrival in this world I feel very present in the pain aspect of the procedure. (Below attached link to the photo of a graphic nature representing post surgical face of FFS patient. View it under your own discretion) https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/emDYGx_6OZFfFQj35Ik4vZTgcl8u5Eixz3owxkKS_YI?feat=directlink

Again and again I awake for a moment to drift away and repeat this process continuously throughout the night.

Morning arrives as though I had been awaiting it for several days, knock on the door and the beautiful face of a Doctor emerges. Big smile on his face, as ever present, and his words, "IT LOOKS GOOD" . I nod to that, "I feel ecstatic" words roll out, and the essence of truth fulfills the room, beyond the pain and suffering, I AM, here, now, REAL, or at least the steps to all that had been taken already.
"What about the trachea" I say, touching my throat? "I had to leave this procedure for later because we ran longer concentrating on your face and I wasn't comfortable exceeding 6 hour threshold" said Doctor.

I agreed and was put at ease about this knowing it will be taken care of. As suppose to the American experience of general anesthesia, outside of US, it is regarded that length of anesthesia alone is a big factor in recovery and mortality of patients yet in US it is a standard to run an operation of FFS into 12-13hour span. Of course the health as well age of a patient have much to do with the outcome.

I get to 2pm and release out of Intensive Care Unit. I slowly put my clothes on and stumble out of the clinic and into a car to be taken to the recovery house



Second day seems bit better but the weakness persists and sleeping is a real bitch As a must, every patient must sleep with their head in the vertical position, no compromises! It is so that blood swelling is reduced and therefore possibility of infection i as well lowered. Well if you ever tried to sleep up right you probably know that it is simply impossible, so entire night goes by with me awake or lets say, semi-awake and only at the exhaustion point do I fall a sleep for an hour or two towards the morning hours. Pure evil, sleep deprivation! But that is the reality of what must be done.

I then take few naps during the day to catch up with sleep. Because of the stitching perimeter of my jaw inside my mouth, my meals are reduced to liquids only and so Vicente makes me the most delicious soups and smoothies ever. I finally have a reason to indulge in drinking smoothies without the regret of a calorie count.

By the third day I feel much stronger but still unable to sleep, recovery feels heavy and burdensome. Although comments from the boys seem to reflect very speedy recovery as suppose to swelling and bruising. Well I suppose my sleep deprivation torture has a good side effect

I'm glad you're doing well.   You should feel much better in a couple days.  I assume you have another surgery in a week or so?

just as the surgery is winding down
1st day recovery back at the house
2nd day
3rd day
4th day

The longer I had to filter all the drugs pumped into my veins during the surgery the better I felt. Sleep deprivation was an extreme experience, something I wouldn't want to repeat again. Fatigue of not getting proper rest and shut down exhausted me entirely and even though days kept on bringing new strength, lack of sleep was making such strength quite shallow.

The fifth day had come and so did the second stage of my surgery, a trachea shave. I got up from my bed, once again, exhausted and by this time very weak in my legs. My equilibrium was also giving up and every so often I had doubts as to ablity to withstand yet another general anesthesia.

The things we do when life isn't as valuable as our quest for the truth my resolve to be ME, was relentless and even though I felt powerless and extremely weak I proceeded with head up high, or at least, as high as I could master. Yet again I repeated, "If these are my final hours, then I will truly go away the happiest I have ever been"

I stumbled towards surgery doors knowing deep in my heart that this is the path I shall walk. I laid down on the table amongst already friendly faces who kept asking if I do remember them, "yes of course how could I forget" I kept repeating. I could see from the corner of my right eye yet again the syringe of anesthesiologist, few more blinks and.....................................................

I woke up, just like the other day, in my recovery room under couple of blankets, but there was something different about this time. Immense sense of happiness and serenity filled the room, I felt rejuvenated, happy, light!
After a while nurse came in and I asked "did you give me morphine this time around" she looked with puzzlement and laughingly answered "NO NO no morfina" I was curious of what kind of medication made me feel this way, and felt I better never find out for my own good because the temptation would be huge. Days later I found out that there was nothing particularly different about this surgery from the first one, other then the length of the procedure.
The feeling was real, but it was mine, for the first time since coming to Guadalajara I felt joy and peace surrounding my destiny. I was born that day, joyful and beautiful, full of love and wholeness, Spiritual Morphine

All day long after being released at 2pm I felt I could move a mountain, all that right after general anesthesia, everyone was simply dumbfound but happy for my strength and resolve. I kept on improving and started to feel wholesome and strong. What a trip so far, what a lifetime, what a love I found, what beautiful people have crossed my path, something to right a book about he, he, I am on the 70th page of it by now!!!

Ever since that day of second surgery my sleep had improved tremendously, I no longer feel as though not able to find a comfy position. Now I lay down and out in minutes, but such could be attributed to less pain overall in my head.

As to the image in the mirror, well......................she ain't pretty!!! But don't get me wrong, "SHE ain't pretty".......................do you see a trend?
Yes I must admit that I was looking for beauty as well as sense of femininity, I got one so far, I am constantly reminded by everyone involved that only in about 3 months will I be able to tell what results had been achieved, and truly the image of true solid recovered face shall emerge in 6 months.
Still very much swollen and bruised, skin tight and stretched give sense of trauma. I still gaze at the mirror and look with ever critical eye, (I guess they should have a surgery for that as well..............oh wait they have, its called a lobotomy )

But here I am, anew, born again, free to be my self at last. As I was putting on clothes this morning to prepare for a check up visit at the clinic I felt sense of ease and normality! Black semitransparent tights, short over the knee floral skirt, cute black T with flower motive sown in, neckless, 4"black leather booties, I felt pretty and feminine, but not scared or regretful of the potential of compromise or someones critical eye poking at my psyche and instigating influx of accusation and criticism. I felt, just, wholesome, beautiful within, real and present, all that for the first time in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!

"Spiritual Morphine", that's so cool.

Heal quickly.

Are we going to get to see pictures of Inna throughout her recovery?

5th day and 1st after second surgery
6th day
7th day

I kept on improving remarkably fast, day after day strength kept on coming back and pain associated with head surgery was subsiding rather quickly. I was off the pain medication sometime during the forth day and never looked back at the box again. Mesmerizing was to see the inflamed cut lines disappear as though made of liquid substance making the fine line of the cut melt away in days. I was getting perky and more active as well, heading out of the house  with Vincente to do some shopping for fun. It is so funny to be shopping at Walmart far away from the states in the country with culture so different then ours yet infiltrated by commercial interests, no place to hide! There at Walmart I felt as though a skyscraper amongst suburban one story households, everyone here is 4' tall, I kid you not, and being 5'10'' (formerly 6'1'') I stood tall and slender like a model I am 
On the 8th day I waited long enough, so I took my make up bag and proceeded to the bathroom to see if I cover up my bruises what kind of face shall emerge?
And so here are few shots I took with light make up on:


I stood there looking at the images and didn't see beauty as I originally hoped for but one remarkable thing kept on reminding me of how phenomenal this surgery was, I was looking at the woman, a girl, unmistakable female! All that in the matter of 8 days.........................that's remarkable to me!

It's great to read your story Inna, don't stop writing! I don't think you looked bad before the surgery but I think you'll look great once the healing is over.