Being MtF and STILL attracted to problematic females...
Always wanting to please (my mother?) and to help... (showing off old 'male' know-how?) "Hey, look how great I am!" Get your pool sparkling, stop your doors squeaking, cook you lunch and dinner, drive your 4x4 like a 'proper' dude, fix your lawn mower, and look after your puppies...

If a person is simply without issues it seems to get boring and no challenge is present. Also I'm so in need to be wanted/needed/appreciated and get pissed if I always be the one doing the 'running' after (emotionally) the person I'm attracted to. Always be the one to give hugs, kisses, touches, smiles...

The end result is then a sort of panic that makes me run away, feeling sad, and surplus (old inferiority complex?).
The need to run from relationships can reach panic levels, like just wanting to vanish for good out of a persons life so as to 'punish' them for not giving me more of themselves.

Is this a pretty common 'thing' with us MtFs?
I sit and wonder...
Axélle

idk if its common with mtf's but that describes me perfectly.

Really common thing with me at least... Have been told I am almost like a girl, in regard to those traits, from partners...

when I was just pretending to be a man, I was attracted, like bonded to problematic women, and with problematic i mean they didn't care about me enough, or as much as I did for them.
I eventually understood it was me, not searching a mature relationship, and how could it be one in with I pretended to be the guy?

Don't know if this is similar to your experience.

Of course also mature relationships never come out easy, have problems to deal with, but there's the background of care and love that makes the efforts bearable.

There are a number of suggested explainations as to why some are attracted to propblem female partners. (As opposed to problem male partners which is a rather different matter).

With respect, I won't try to list any since none are worth considering. Everyone has some baggage. Even the perpetual, 'Momma didn't love me blues'. That's life and the fun is sorting it out.

All that really matters is, you are attracted so someone, you learn mutual respect. You discover that you've spent x years together, and wonder how you managed that. Then you realise you're more hooked than heroin.

Nothing wrong with any of that. Just drop the lablel. It's arrogant and disrespectful.

I'm not a problem, I'm a challange!

I have a lot of those same traits. The need to "Fix" stuff, or people, is a major motivator, attraction.

Another, more subtle, reason why we feel that we must "fix" all these things is that it is far simpler to fix someone else. We know we are screwed from the get-go being trans. Anyone else's problems are a cake-walk in comparison, or so we think diving into them 

When I was a man I always wanted to be the Knight in shiny armour riding to the rescue. Somewhere along the road to transition I figured out that really isn't a very healthy way of living. I am a healthy woman, at least healthy enough to have a woman who isn't in need of rescuing.

Huggs

Emily

Quote from: JoanneB on December 06, 2011, 05:49:46 PM
[clipped]
Another, more subtle, reason why we feel that we must "fix" all these things is that it is far simpler to fix someone else. We know we are screwed from the get-go being trans. Anyone else's problems are a cake-walk in comparison, or so we think diving into them 

Seems Joanne hit the nail right on the head - oh my.
I can just feel it when ever the truth hits me, uncomfortable as it may be.

On the other hand, sloppy non-caring, non-fixing folks would then be just great to live with? Oh really?

Hum, their couldn't-care-less attitude just gives me the heebie-jeebies e.g. dog pee and dog poo all over the house, green swimming pool, dirty kitchen, sticky utensils, jars, pots and pans, unwashed bedding, just to mention a few of those 'non-problematics'...

Axélle

Personally I am not attracted to women...

Idk about MTFs but guys do this a lot, I think it's because they're more aggressive and dominant so they want a submissive woman that can't do anything without them.

Ugh. I do find myself attracted to some strong women, but I always have to double check myself when I see someone "vulnerable"/in need of "fixing." I like to think I could change someone for the better...and in fact, I have been told by others that I empowered them. But it's not healthy. No.

Quote from: Axélle on December 06, 2011, 04:38:49 AMIs this a pretty common 'thing' with us MtFs?
I sit and wonder...
Axélle

lol i'd say "pretty common" just about everywhere ya go ! ! i for one know i am transitioning to get OFF the female radar (RadFemdar?). . . being wallflower & disappearing into woodwork can be a good thing am very weary of giving to those who only know best How To Take !

Quote from: Caseyy on December 12, 2011, 04:38:07 AM
Ugh. I do find myself attracted to some strong women . . .

I love Women Who Work, are rarely home at all!

I think it has to do with the interaction between attempting the male role while having a predominately female personality.  It was your nurturing aspect being funneled into the only possible form of expression with its outward appearance refashioned to fit and support your male role.

It's my personal belief that some mtf lesbians might be bisexual, but the dysphoria of male characteristics upon their own body is projected to males, thereby creating disgust and inhibiting their attraction to men.  Though I accept I may be totally wrong about this.

Quote from: Inanna on December 14, 2011, 02:35:00 AM
I think it has to do with the interaction between attempting the male role while having a predominately female personality.  It was your nurturing aspect being funneled into the only possible form of expression with its outward appearance refashioned to fit and support your male role.

It's my personal belief that some mtf lesbians might be bisexual, but the dysphoria of male characteristics upon their own body is projected to males, thereby creating disgust and inhibiting their attraction to men.  Though I accept I may be totally wrong about this.

Thanks for that interesting psychological post, Inanna :-)

If I go to a bar with my very femme girl friend we talk of course guys.
We look around - and all I see is 'low-end male potential" same for her by the way, and for all I know she is > 90% straight, for all I can tell by now, but she likes my company. Quite a lot :-)
I do see some pretty women - which often also do not attract me either - then some tall muscled scruffy blond will catch my eye - big time :-)  Sexy! Still femme though, but with a tough strong aspect, actually a bit like I see myself.
Is that all created by my earlier rejecting my male-bodied-self? It could well be, as I hardly recall any male that would have me look at them twice - save some gorgeous male models, yet they may be all there is to them, just to look at?

So, I do have my male fantasies, just none I bump into seem anywhere near the mark. How some ggs can get on with such crude folks really eludes me. YMMV

So I go for the problematic female instead – and there seems little alternative at present, fussy bitch that I am :-)
Great ass and boobs looks so much better then some male-male beer guzzling alternative...

Axélle
PS: some would say I'm a woman in body also by now - because I like them so much....

Quote from: Axélle on December 14, 2011, 03:32:59 AM
Thanks for that interesting psychological post, Inanna :-)

If I go to a bar with my very femme girl friend we talk of course guys.
We look around - and all I see is 'low-end male potential" same for her by the way, and for all I know she is > 90% straight, for all I can tell by now, but she likes my company. Quite a lot :-)
I do see some pretty women - which often also do not attract me either - then some tall muscled scruffy blond will catch my eye - big time :-)  Sexy! Still femme though, but with a tough strong aspect, actually a bit like I see myself.
Is that all created by my earlier rejecting my male-bodied-self? It could well be, as I hardly recall any male that would have me look at them twice - save some gorgeous male models, yet they may be all there is to them, just to look at?

So, I do have my male fantasies, just none I bump into seem anywhere near the mark. How some ggs can get on with such crude folks really eludes me. YMMV

So I go for the problematic female instead – and there seems little alternative at present, fussy bitch that I am :-)
Great ass and boobs looks so much better then some male-male beer guzzling alternative...

Axélle
PS: some would say I'm a woman in body also by now - because I like them so much....

In my transition, I felt the same way about 2 years ago.  I recognized that my disgust was related to my own body issues, as well as fear of males because of physical and verbal abuse from guys all my life.

So I began trying to untie the knots inside me.  It was a very gradual process.  But since it was my real sexuality on the line, I could do nothing less.  Why free my gender if I was only going to suppress my sexuality?  They're both important.

Now, while I can certainly admire female beauty and may be physically attracted, it doesn't feel like a "complete" sexual orientation... more like a fragment.  I only feel complete when I'm with guys, both emotionally and physically.  It's the most wonderful and powerful feeling I know.

And, beer guts are still not very appealing.  Comparing breasts and ass to that, is like comparing firm, rippling muscles on men to cellulite on women.

Quote from: Inanna on December 14, 2011, 04:00:11 PM
[clipped]

Now, while I can certainly admire female beauty and may be physically attracted, it doesn't feel like a "complete" sexual orientation... more like a fragment.  I only feel complete when I'm with guys, both emotionally and physically.  It's the most wonderful and powerful feeling I know.

Hum, now how does one 'learn' to overcome fear of males?!? By time alone?

I had just more recently 2 experiences - kind of second hand - that was enough to put me off for life! Guys can be SUCH ->-bleeped-<-s it is almost beyond believe...

What does NOT help, is having emo-sensitivities like I had ALL my life. Running on E is not exactly helping this either.

Lastly, I actually can't recall a single male person in my LIFE, that I, in today's terms, would want to either admire, care for, or hook up with.

At present it be friends (female) at best, and the rest of males can just leave me alone - it's what I feel, - and I'm with tears in my eyes just typing this, feeling so sad.. Oh boy... oh boy.

Makes me wonder who's 'done me in' to feel that way. Please don't say I MYSELF -  because you just might be right.

Axélle