I'm still living as a guy, and I haven't even transitioned yet or gone fulltime or done anything but there is so much anxiety right now because all I can think about is "Will I be a pretty woman?"  Well judging from what I look like as a guy right now (tired, veiny eyes, lousy skin, receding hairline, aging HORRIBLY at 26) im not very hopeful.  Yet its all I can think about.  Maybe because im so miserable wearing the same guy outfit everyday - james' stupid sweater, his stupid men's jeans, his stupid men's sneakers, his stupid men's jacket... I cant wear makeup, so i just look exhausted all the time.  I still have a nasty pot belly.  I've got hair growing everywhere on my body.

Whats worse is I think when i went off the estrogen from my first transition attempt i think I became uglier.  I was on the bus commuting today and looked into my reflection in the window and what I saw was this big ugly Italian nose and a miserable-looking man staring back... not a chance in hell of ever passing, much less becoming pretty...

Im also a virgin, and a loser.  I have no social life to speak of, no job, hardly any friends... I only have two things in my favor: money and a family that is trying to be supportive of me. 

I desperately want a sex life.... why does this bug me so much?  Most people my age are working, they're too busy to think about sex... but its all i can think about.  Will i ever lose my virginity?  Will i ever get laid?  Will i ever get a boyfriend?    Im 26... and ive never had anything... by the time im done with my transition ill be like 31 and ill be lusting after 20-year old guys that i can never have. 

This all sounds pathetic but its very depressing.  This is the most frightening thing i have ever tried to do because it means expressing my true self... up until now every waking moment of my life has been as James - this loser who's getting older everyday and losing hope.

Quote from: sysm29 on December 06, 2011, 08:24:19 PM
I'm still living as a guy, and I haven't even transitioned yet or gone fulltime or done anything but there is so much anxiety right now because all I can think about is "Will I be a pretty woman?"  Well judging from what I look like as a guy right now (tired, veiny eyes, lousy skin, receding hairline, aging HORRIBLY at 26) im not very hopeful.  Yet its all I can think about.  Maybe because im so miserable wearing the same guy outfit everyday - james' stupid sweater, his stupid men's jeans, his stupid men's sneakers, his stupid men's jacket... I cant wear makeup, so i just look exhausted all the time.  I still have a nasty pot belly.  I've got hair growing everywhere on my body.

Taking the first plunge is the hardest part, I think. "Will I pass?" "Will I be a beautiful woman that everyone wants to date and hang out with?" "Will I make a good woman?" I have my few physical flaws that I would like to correct, but let me tell you - you are often your OWN WORST critic.

And let me tell you what someone else told me in real life - "Would you want to look back and wish you had transitioned earlier? Don't wait until it is too late."

The longer you wait, the less and less chance you might have as passing as a pretty woman as you age, and get more depressed - becoming more destructive with your looks.

Quote from: sysm29 on December 06, 2011, 08:24:19 PM

Im also a virgin, and a loser.  I have no social life to speak of, no job, hardly any friends... I only have two things in my favor: money and a family that is trying to be supportive of me. 

If you say you have money (but you said no job, so I infer that you come from a rich family???), then you obviously know what you can do - get FFS (after you have done hormones for a while), and buy real good brands of clothing and makeup - make yourself look classy. They can go a long way.

Quote from: sysm29 on December 06, 2011, 08:24:19 PM

I desperately want a sex life.... why does this bug me so much?  Most people my age are working, they're too busy to think about sex... but its all i can think about.  Will i ever lose my virginity?  Will i ever get laid?  Will i ever get a boyfriend?    Im 26... and ive never had anything... by the time im done with my transition ill be like 31 and ill be lusting after 20-year old guys that i can never have. 

Are you kidding me? I am 30 and just started transitioning, yet 20 years old ish guys still have pursued me! Check out my other thread "HELP! I feel like a cougar!" LOL. There is still hope for YOU yet!

I hate to say this - but you might want to become "gay" or bisexual at very least (since you apparently want a boyfriend someday as a woman), so you can get involved in the LGBT community and find a man to lose your virginity with while you are making your journey. Consider it as your training grounds! 

QuoteIm also a virgin, and a loser.  I have no social life to speak of, no job, hardly any friends... I only have two things in my favor: money and a family that is trying to be supportive of me. 

I am in exactly this position. I felt like I was reading my own post when I read this. I've tried making friends and meeting people in my area, but they never seem to have time for me. I end up sitting at home most days, wishing I could be out doing stuff. Doing things by myself seems so pointless, I want to share my experiences. When I can't share, I just end up not doing anything at all.

QuoteI desperately want a sex life.... why does this bug me so much?  Most people my age are working, they're too busy to think about sex... but its all i can think about.  Will i ever lose my virginity?  Will i ever get laid?  Will i ever get a boyfriend?    Im 26... and ive never had anything... by the time im done with my transition ill be like 31 and ill be lusting after 20-year old guys that i can never have.

Have you tried an online dating site? You should check out www.Okcupid.com , it's a very active site with lots and lots of members. I recently met a girl there about 2 weeks ago who is fantastic and who I'm planning to meet soon. I suggest making a profile there to test it out, it's 100% free.

QuoteThis all sounds pathetic but its very depressing.  This is the most frightening thing i have ever tried to do because it means expressing my true self... up until now every waking moment of my life has been as James - this loser who's getting older everyday and losing hope.

It was the hardest thing I've ever done too, but it gets better. I am 26 too and I am so thankful I had the courage to begin transitioning. 26 isn't too old, there are a lot of girls on this site who started much older than we did and they look amazing!

 I feel for you love. I really do. You are young and you will find your beauty if you take some steps.

I don't relate to Sysm at all.  sure I was lonely and poor and saw a male staring back from the mirror but I never was desperate for a sex life.
I'm inclined to think anyone can have a sex life by just going to nearest club or answering a few ads in contacts/lonely hearts page.
as you're so miserable but have money why not spend some of it on joining a fitness club where there will be lts of potential sex partners and the endorphins from exercise will make you feel and look happier.

On th eother hand as you tried estrogen then stopped you maybe got a testo surge which heightened your sex drive at the same time as it guyed up your maleness to give you the rough skin and perhaps produce a bit more male shaping like a second puberty.

get some therapy by a gender specialist to try figure out what you are or find your nearest crossdressers bar or club and go along to see how nonpassing many are but are still enjoying themselves and having sex too.

I think very few things are easier to get than 20-year old men. =p

Quote from: sysm29 on December 06, 2011, 08:24:19 PM
I'm still living as a guy, and I haven't even transitioned yet or gone fulltime or done anything but there is so much anxiety right now because all I can think about is "Will I be a pretty woman?"  Well judging from what I look like as a guy right now (tired, veiny eyes, lousy skin, receding hairline, aging HORRIBLY at 26) im not very hopeful.  Yet its all I can think about.  Maybe because im so miserable wearing the same guy outfit everyday - james' stupid sweater, his stupid men's jeans, his stupid men's sneakers, his stupid men's jacket... I cant wear makeup, so i just look exhausted all the time.  I still have a nasty pot belly.  I've got hair growing everywhere on my body.

Whats worse is I think when i went off the estrogen from my first transition attempt i think I became uglier.  I was on the bus commuting today and looked into my reflection in the window and what I saw was this big ugly Italian nose and a miserable-looking man staring back... not a chance in hell of ever passing, much less becoming pretty...

Im also a virgin, and a loser.  I have no social life to speak of, no job, hardly any friends... I only have two things in my favor: money and a family that is trying to be supportive of me. 

I desperately want a sex life.... why does this bug me so much?  Most people my age are working, they're too busy to think about sex... but its all i can think about.  Will i ever lose my virginity?  Will i ever get laid?  Will i ever get a boyfriend?    Im 26... and ive never had anything... by the time im done with my transition ill be like 31 and ill be lusting after 20-year old guys that i can never have. 

This all sounds pathetic but its very depressing.  This is the most frightening thing i have ever tried to do because it means expressing my true self... up until now every waking moment of my life has been as James - this loser who's getting older everyday and losing hope.

I know exactly how you feel, cept im older than you.. but there are things you can do to make yourself feel better.
I too was overweight after sitting around after an op and revising for my finals-what did i do? diet and exercise, dropped from 196 lbs to 160 lbs in 3 months, and still going, go for it, and thats one problem gone right?It would probably also help your skin.
After my exams this summer my SO pointed out to me that it looked like my hair was thinning, totally freaked me out, and i went and got on Fin and Spiro- over the counter drugs to used to combat hair loss. Completely recovered after 2 months (though it might have been hair loss from stress to be fair, as it was sudden).
Warning about that tho,i'll be honest i have had side effects-

• Softer skin
• Slower thinner beard
• Lost the 3 chest hairs i had
• No morning woody etc, tho can easily perform still when in the mood.
• Hardly any ejaculate, and its clear.
• Reduced sex drive
• Felt quite chilled and calm in general with occasional bouts of depresion-normally due to forgeting to take the pill.
• Finally, i got puffy nipples and hard lumps underneath them that are tender.

So if you do take any medication for hair loss, research and consult your doctor first. I knew the possible sides before i started but quite frankly they don't bother me at all.
There is always hope, and if you got money, its easier to achieve things like surgery etc.
I understand your lonely, but its hard for people to strike a friendship etc with someone who is depressed, as people generally don't like spending time with miserable people.
if you make yourself happier addressing your other stuff maybe it will help.

I feel there are way more virgin/losers in the world then what we think. And being one myself and knowing I will be for probably all my life we just have to find a positive spin to it LOL

Why is it bad to be a virgin?  Why does that make you a loser?  Why shouldn't you be a virgin until you meet someone that you make a meaningful connection with.  Who is more the loser the one who is a virgin or the one who isn't because they slept with someone ONLY so they weren't a virgin anymore?

Some people feel comfortable with sex without a connection, but if you do not then why is that bad?  Don't do anything like that because you feel forced.  And be honest about your feelings.  Without the trust, sharing, and love it will feel empty.  It is just something you did for temporary pleasure like scratching an itch.  There is no harm in it, but you could have so much more. 

I was a virgin until I was 24.  I never felt connected to anyone so I never cared.  Until I found someone that saw me for who I was (or at least as much as I let her see), I had no desire beyond my T induced urges.  Of course I should have taken the hint when I couldn't actually perform as a male on our wedding night.  We actually bought how-to guides because we neither felt we were doing it right.  Sure there was physical pleasure, but there was never anything else in that specific activity.  Of course the other parts of being with her did bring an emotional closeness, but I was so afraid to say anything more about that action's emptiness because I might lose the only person I had ever loved.

Don't settle for something just to say you have. 

Hey I am italian too, i am 32 and except the fact I am cooping with the urge of sex, but i prefeer call it need of care and love, I am in the same position!
Plus I don't have money, my mom gives me what I need to live, but I can't buy me sessions of epilation to start my transition!
What I should do? Should I kill myself!
I tell you what I am doing!
i am investing in improving my mind!
Making good priorities, putting sex apart is a good choice ( and I am virgin too ), learning more how to deal with my feelings and how to fit into society, not as a man, how to fit with my dream/need to be a woman!
Searching a job! Improving my hobbies, reading, making music, art! Seeing the few friends I have! Oping to get new ones and to make important cultural things like watching exposures and so on!
And when I will finally have the money, and I will have the ability to cope with my needs and feelings, I will surely transition!
Probably I won't be cute! But who knows, for sure I will be better! And beauty is in the soul not just in the eyes. it is in the gentleness, in the caring! Will I be always virgin? Who knows? Why should I complain? What does complaining gives me? Absolutely nothing!
Fight hard! Put yourself on diet! Work on your mind! You'll find my support!

Quote from: sysm29 on December 06, 2011, 08:24:19 PM
Im 26... and ive never had anything... by the time im done with my transition ill be like 31 and ill be lusting after 20-year old guys that i can never have. 

It will be exactly 16 months from the first time I walked into a gender therapist's office when I go under the knife for SRS. That means I started at 26 and will have finished at 27. Now "breakneck" is not an appropriate speed for everyone, but it certainly doesn't need to take anything like 5 years if you don't want it to.

Quote from: Jeneva on December 07, 2011, 09:39:23 AM
Why is it bad to be a virgin?  Why does that make you a loser?  Why shouldn't you be a virgin until you meet someone that you make a meaningful connection with.  Who is more the loser the one who is a virgin or the one who isn't because they slept with someone ONLY so they weren't a virgin anymore?

Some people feel comfortable with sex without a connection, but if you do not then why is that bad?  Don't do anything like that because you feel forced.  And be honest about your feelings.  Without the trust, sharing, and love it will feel empty.  It is just something you did for temporary pleasure like scratching an itch.  There is no harm in it, but you could have so much more. 

I was a virgin until I was 24.  I never felt connected to anyone so I never cared.  Until I found someone that saw me for who I was (or at least as much as I let her see), I had no desire beyond my T induced urges.  Of course I should have taken the hint when I couldn't actually perform as a male on our wedding night.  We actually bought how-to guides because we neither felt we were doing it right.  Sure there was physical pleasure, but there was never anything else in that specific activity.  Of course the other parts of being with her did bring an emotional closeness, but I was so afraid to say anything more about that action's emptiness because I might lose the only person I had ever loved.

Don't settle for something just to say you have.

I can only speak for myself, of course, but I think its more I'm a loser therefore I'm still a virgin lol  Being a virgin is FINE per sè, even cool if it's on purpose.

Quote from: sysm29 on December 06, 2011, 08:24:19 PM
Most people my age are working, they're too busy to think about sex... but its all i can think about.  Will i ever lose my virginity?  Will i ever get laid?  Will i ever get a boyfriend?    Im 26... and ive never had anything... by the time im done with my transition ill be like 31 and ill be lusting after 20-year old guys that i can never have.

Meanwhile, I have a full-time job and can't concentrate because I make just enough to keep my family alive, with nothing extra to go towards transition.  As I posted elsewhere, I'm currently trying to save up to go bankrupt.  This, with $0 of credit card debt, for those who love to state that people file for bankruptcy because of irresponsible spending.  I have to try to convince people socially I'm a woman with no women's clothes, some cheap makeup, terrible stubble, male pheromones, and no breasts.  And I am 31 now.

You might see it as "only... two things in [your] favor: money and a family that is trying to be supportive", but for some of us, the lack of those two things keep us and those we love constantly on the brink of annihilation.

Thanks, Beverley.  I'm sure things will get better.  I just need to be patient and work hard.  Everything's just really frustrating right now.

I know that its hard =/. But keep going!

I am not that happy myself, got so pissed off by what I saw in the mirror today , an ugly big headed guy which is just a sorry mistake! And all the damn hairs that grows out too fast, it is a constant fight to keep them away.

I am just so frustrated that I do not know what to do anymore. Is this a "normal" phase to go through? because I am a real bitch right now and is not to easy to be around me at all. It feels like the whole world is going against me now and I hate it. My mood swings like a rollercoaster!

I have met a therapist a few times but havent started HRT yet. But at least they told me that it wont be long now until they let me on it. Dont know how much longer I cant wait actually!


Anyway try to do what you can to feel more feminine and more "you" it helped me alot to do just small things like plucking eyebrows, wear girl socks etc. The only problem is that you cant stop once you started , at least that is how it was for me.. I cant wear mens underwear anymore and I have to work real hard to put on male clothing nowadays, it feels so wrong to wear them.