As I write this, I've just gotten out of the shower, turned on Madonna, and wearing my ever present black camisole and bra.

I've often pondered what a transsexual woman is.  After all, this is the title thrusted on me by my friends, family, and even gay men I've had relationships with. I read through the stories on this board, and I can't help but feel a bit different. I love my male genitalia and would never do anything to it. It's as part of me as Madonna or the Teachings of RuPaul. But for many people here, they have deep dsyphoria that goes beyond anything I've yet to understand.

I got into wearing makeup, hair, etc back in high school. Growing up I had always been an effeminate boy, but I was more inclined to monster/robot action figures than Barbie any day. I admired Barbie for her style, hair, and makeup. I knew it was certainly a career path for me when I was younger. In high school, I was the only boy who listened to Britney Spears, wore glitter, and when I got my own money...I bought very feminine clothes. Of course, my lesbian parents threw a fit and I had to put on my transformation on the side. Even going as far as hiding my gayness from them. My Mom wanted a grandchild, and I think to this day...she wants a legitimate one.

But my Mom always knew, and I think a lot of parents didn't want the child who they raised as a boy to become the very image of a female...Most post 70s feminists like my Mother wanted to avoid.

18 was very much a turning point for me. I was openly gay, extremely feminine and when my "metal head" friends in high school went away. I wanted to fully embrace who I was. But of course, my Mom needed me to support her and got me a job at a local stadium. I was told to act like a boy...and it damaged me. But I also got to questioning who I actually was... Even to this day I question who I am. I try not to think too much about my identity defining me, and just

I knew what MtFs were from a young age. But I knew I could never relate to them 100%. I was cool with drag queens. I loved drag queens, some of them looked better than any woman I had ever seen. Even to this day, I relate to them more than any MtF. Most of my facebook friends are drag queens. They praise me for doing what they do on the weekends...fulltime. We've had several discussions about transsexuals and they see a correlation between what you're doing and what they.

But in discovering my interest in drag queens. I had discovered more about myself, back in 2008. My gay relationships had fallen apart. There were numerous std rumors connected to my boyfriend and I. We were both extremely promiscuous and I had been looking for more validity than just being another kinky twink in SF. I got more into drag than I ever was in high school. Starting in 2009, I went from having an androgynous kink look(shaved head with military fetishes) to Kat Von D's ripped up tops, pixie haircut and more makeup. But I was surprised how many people did not see me as male. I put my interest in DQs on the side and decided to go all the way.

2 years of HRT later, I have a life I only wished for as a gay male....except I am not able to perform and I still crave a real relationship with a gay male even though I am far from anything a gay male wants. I identify as a gay male first, albeit an extremely hyper feminine one and an MtF first. As nothing can change that I have XY chromosomes. My mind simply cannot wrap my mind around going beyond the illusion. I don't identify with CDs, but I definitely see the whole MtF/TS/TG/CD/DQ thing as being related.

The only difference is how we feel inside.

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on December 09, 2011, 05:04:26 PM
As I write this, I've just gotten out of the shower, turned on Madonna, and wearing my ever present black camisole and bra.

I've often pondered what a transsexual woman is.  After all, this is the title thrusted on me by my friends, family, and even gay men I've had relationships with. I read through the stories on this board, and I can't help but feel a bit different. I love my male genitalia and would never do anything to it. It's as part of me as Madonna or the Teachings of RuPaul. But for many people here, they have deep dsyphoria that goes beyond anything I've yet to understand.

I got into wearing makeup, hair, etc back in high school. Growing up I had always been an effeminate boy, but I was more inclined to monster/robot action figures than Barbie any day. I admired Barbie for her style, hair, and makeup. I knew it was certainly a career path for me when I was younger. In high school, I was the only boy who listened to Britney Spears, wore glitter, and when I got my own money...I bought very feminine clothes. Of course, my lesbian parents threw a fit and I had to put on my transformation on the side. Even going as far as hiding my gayness from them. My Mom wanted a grandchild, and I think to this day...she wants a legitimate one.

But my Mom always knew, and I think a lot of parents didn't want the child who they raised as a boy to become the very image of a female...Most post 70s feminists like my Mother wanted to avoid.

18 was very much a turning point for me. I was openly gay, extremely feminine and when my "metal head" friends in high school went away. I wanted to fully embrace who I was. But of course, my Mom needed me to support her and got me a job at a local stadium. I was told to act like a boy...and it damaged me. But I also got to questioning who I actually was... Even to this day I question who I am. I try not to think too much about my identity defining me, and just

I knew what MtFs were from a young age. But I knew I could never relate to them 100%. I was cool with drag queens. I loved drag queens, some of them looked better than any woman I had ever seen. Even to this day, I relate to them more than any MtF. Most of my facebook friends are drag queens. They praise me for doing what they do on the weekends...fulltime. We've had several discussions about transsexuals and they see a correlation between what you're doing and what they.

But in discovering my interest in drag queens. I had discovered more about myself, back in 2008. My gay relationships had fallen apart. There were numerous std rumors connected to my boyfriend and I. We were both extremely promiscuous and I had been looking for more validity than just being another kinky twink in SF. I got more into drag than I ever was in high school. Starting in 2009, I went from having an androgynous kink look(shaved head with military fetishes) to Kat Von D's ripped up tops, pixie haircut and more makeup. But I was surprised how many people did not see me as male. I put my interest in DQs on the side and decided to go all the way.

2 years of HRT later, I have a life I only wished for as a gay male....except I am not able to perform and I still crave a real relationship with a gay male even though I am far from anything a gay male wants. I identify as a gay male first, albeit an extremely hyper feminine one and an MtF first. As nothing can change that I have XY chromosomes. My mind simply cannot wrap my mind around going beyond the illusion. I don't identify with CDs, but I definitely see the whole MtF/TS/TG/CD/DQ thing as being related.

The only difference is how we feel inside.

Kia Ora Mahsa,

Only time will tell, so in the mean time if how you feel about things is not a big issue... Enjoy life don't waste it !...Who knows, in a few years time you might feel the need to have genital surgery, and if this should be the case, just go with your natural flow and ...Enjoy life ['without' a penis] ! 

* Transsexual-is just another label....

Metta Zenda

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on December 09, 2011, 05:04:26 PM

I've often pondered what a transsexual woman is.  After all, this is the title thrusted on me by my friends, family,

Definition of TRANSSEXUAL

: a person who strongly identifies with the opposite sex and may seek to live as a member of this sex especially by undergoing surgery and hormone therapy to obtain the necessary physical appearance (as by changing the external sex organs

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/transsexual


http://www.mental-health-today.com/gender/dsm.htm

Suppose that you are not what would be called a transsexual... so what just be yourself... like Zenda said, "transsexual" is just another label...

Masha and I are alike in some ways, yet so different in other ways. lol.

Like Masha, we started out as gay men.

Unlike Masha, I loved Barbies and had an aversion to other male toys.

Like Masha, I had interests in makeup and hair in high school.

Unlike Masha, I was immaculate and preppy (no makeup, or anything) in high school.

Like Masha, I was openly gay and feminine by the time I was 18 and in high school.

Unlike Masha, I was not happy with being gay throughout my college years and early 20s.

Like Masha, I had dressed like a woman, although not drag like she did, throughout my 20s.

Unlike Masha, I was very happy when I was dressed like a woman.

Like Masha, I don't particularly hate my genitals.

Unlike Masha, I am happy with where I am going now.

Like Masha, I absolutely adore gay men and would definitely not mind sleeping with some I have met, lol.

Unlike Masha, I ultimately want a straight man and settle down with him for ever. 

Quote from: MsDazzler on December 09, 2011, 08:00:36 PM

Unlike Masha, I was very happy when I was dressed like a woman.

Unlike Masha, I am happy with where I am going now.

I am happy with the way I dress. Just sometimes... I get a bit dsyphoric...Like, 'wtf, who would want to sleep with that?"

Sweetie darhling... catch yourself a man who is bisexual and effeminate. Rich would always be a plus as well.

Quote from: Michelle. on December 10, 2011, 02:32:56 AM
Sweetie darhling... catch yourself a man who is bisexual and effeminate. Rich would always be a plus as well.

I like effeminate guys, but ones within a masculine range. I don't want him to steal my cosmetics or even apply them to his face. On a related note, my boyfriend and I got our sex life back. It was the best it's ever been tonight, even if I had Ryan on my mind.

I currently feel like I have entered  a slightly more fluid state,  and seeing myself as moving a bit towarrds a self-description of 'transsexual' more than 'transsexual woman.'  I am also noticing a slight attraction to men sexually.  I am also not as dysphoric as I was a few months ago, and starting to think that an Orchi,. for physical comfort  may be all I need rather than full SRS.

I will be discussing this with my Gender Therapist next week, and think it may be because I am feeling more secure and therefore starting to relax my boundaries a little, and not feeling as much need to self-label.  I will revisit this thread after my appointment.

Damnit Mahsa, as much as i find myself disagreeing with you in other threads you gotta realise you are a strong confident no-nonsense woman and you dont need a label to classify yourself, your unusual mix of + and - Rep on this forum shows that you arent afraid to say what you think or do what you want and as much as i hate to say it, i do admire you at times.

Its a bit of a pickle about performing and its a problem that i havent had to face (sex is something im avoiding till after my downstairs mix-up is corrected). I suppose you just hve to decide whether you want to be able to perform or you want to continue the HRT. Only you can decide that im afraid and i wish you luck! Just remember its not labels who make you who you are, its what you believe and what you do. Gender is a spectrum, sexuality is another, sometimes they overlap so theres a huge range of different types of trans folk, try not to worry about where you are amongst them.

So yea, as much as you irritate me, i love you and i respect you and i know when you figure out what you want, you will get it in double quick time.

Maybe on a different note; I just today wondered about that question myself.

"What is a transsexual woman?"

If anyone had to LABEL me that's what I am - I suppose. But does it FEEL like that to ME?

To be honest it doesn't. I'm Axélle, with some sort of trans-history. Do I run about declare myself at the top of my voice as being a WOMAN? No, - actually why should I?

Do I feel FEMALE? What do I know? Actually I always felt as I feel now... so now what?

I could only say: "I now feel like a female", if I'd had a comparison like having felt male before transitioning - and I actually didn't.

I never had this notion of FEELING male, or a PROUD father and such, wrong title that was (stress!), as little as I now FEEL female, I am just ME - what ever that is/was.

As far as PRESENTATION goes that's a bit different.
I'm only now presenting my real-myself, something I never could do, was not allowed to do before transition – and that, seems to be female - of sorts. What ever "female" is in the first place. It's a VERY wide range in deed, if you may agree with me.

So, what is a transsexual woman?! Something like me? I guess. Male frame, small boobs and a fanny... something like that?

It is a label OK, but nothing I personally feel to be - it's some sort of explanation rather - as be some far less flattering titles, you'd all know about.
Like say, "girl-with-extra" for the OP?
BTW I used that 'title' at times when pre-op, now the 'extra' is gone that title is lost too, he he.

Axélle

I still don't know the answer to that question. I simply know that I need to be myself.

Z

First and foremost, I don't believe that any person should be overly concerned with labels for themselves.  I think it's everyone's primary duty to be comfortable with who they are.  Our prime directive is to first love ourselves.  After all, we cannot love others until we first love ourselves.

      My understanding is that the term transgender means "across" gender lines.  Based on what you've said about yourself, I could build a case that you fit in the broad category of transgender.

      My understanding of the term "transsexual" is a person who desires to alter their body to match their mind.  Based on that definition and the fact that you state you're happy with your parts, I could build a case that you don't fit as a transsexual.   Based on the above definitions, all transsexuals are transgender, but not all transgenders are transsexuals.

       I further believe that, once GRS has been performed and the mental conflict of gender has been resolved, the body parts match the brain.  At this point, it could be argued that one is no longer "transsexual" anything, but that they are either male or female, depending on what surgery they had. 

       Being trans anything can really take over your brain and occupy your thoughts.  It can create serious compulsions at times.  Once the body parts match, the conflict can be over.  A normal life can be lived.  This might be one of the reasons that post-ops leave "the community", as they no longer have any identity with trans people.  They see themselves as ordinary people at that point.

       I can tell you that I no longer have any of my old thoughts of anxiety over gender issues.  I am very comfortably  a woman now, just living my life as I should have from the beginning.

       Should any other trans people reach the point where they are comfortable with themselves, they should consider that that is the right spot for them and they should consider themselves a success regarding gender issues.  We each have to find our own spot and no one else can tell us where that is. 

QuoteThe only difference is how we feel inside.

I usually disapprove of what you post, but this one sentence is the key one. Drag-queens, crossdressers, transvestites, transgenders, transsexuals, androgynes and even some gays to some extent have one definite common point : to varying degrees, they question, go against, their supposed sex.

The difference is how they feel inside. A transsexual, namely, is someone who deeply feels they do not belong with their birth gender, and as such, are subject to much dismay. As such, they do everything they can, given their social and financial situation, to join the opposite sex. Of course, some transsexuals will not go "all the way" by choice: the hassle of surgery and the money spent aren't worth the benefit they would get with SRS.

Still, I think that to qualify as a transsexual, an individual should normally, if there were no social pressure (e.g. a wife, homosexual friends, etc.) at all, if they had a magic wand that would make it free, easy, fertile and painless, at least "kind of" prefer having female genitalia.

But even without that (discutable) criteria, even if one is not a transsexual strictly speaking, they can still be transgendered, and transition is not wrong at all even in that less "crystal clear" case.

Over everything, you should not hassle yourself with such labels. Transsexualism has yet to be understood and studied enough. The key point is how happy you are. If you do not feel like a female or a male (because I doubt anyone feelig 100% male would go on HRT), very well. Even though such people are hard to understand for the great majority, me included, there are people who fit the best between genders.

Since you joined, I've been uneasy towards you. Your posts are often crude; sometimes plain unappropriate. But you never feel like a troll, or anything. You feel honest, but in some way distressed. I don't know your whole story, but the glimpses I get of it through your posts feel kind of unhealthy. And you seem like you know something is wrong inside you.

Some people thrive the most in so-said "unhealthy" lives, but if you were one of those, you wouldn't be questioning, looking (clumsily?) for help of some sort, would you?

It's just my own opinion, but I think you might get a great deal of help from a good follow-up with a psychologist, to the conditions that you imply yourself in it responsibly and honestly, and that the professional is comfortable with gender issues/differences and will not focus on that as being your only, obvious problem. I think something, deep inside you, needs to be soothed... But even though I don't stalk you for posts, nor do I know if you're like that in your everyday life, you feel like you easily get sarcastic, "aggressive". You're going to have to open up.

I hope I could help.

Quote from: A on December 10, 2011, 03:18:46 PM


Since you joined, I've been uneasy towards you. Your posts are often crude; sometimes plain unappropriate. But you never feel like a troll, or anything. You feel honest, but in some way distressed. I don't know your whole story, but the glimpses I get of it through your posts feel kind of unhealthy. And you seem like you know something is wrong inside you.

OMFG...LMAO

Why because I don't live in the transworld? Cuz I have the elitist "gay" attitude? Cuz I am upfront about sexuality and my past. I am sorry hun, I know I was born XY and I've accepted it. I happen to like that part in my pants. I am not gonna deny my past...that's idiotic.

There is nothing wrong inside of me, I am secure within myself and successful. I just don't live in the trans "bubble" and don't suspend my believe system. I don't see things through rose colored glasses.

Quote from: A on December 10, 2011, 03:18:46 PM


It's just my own opinion, but I think you might get a great deal of help from a good follow-up with a psychologist, to the conditions that you imply yourself in it responsibly and honestly, and that the professional is comfortable with gender issues/differences and will not focus on that as being your only, obvious problem. I think something, deep inside you, needs to be soothed... But even though I don't stalk you for posts, nor do I know if you're like that in your everyday life, you feel like you easily get sarcastic, "aggressive". You're going to have to open up.

I hope I could help.

No you can't. I don't even know you... LMAO

I am sorry. I don't support gender therapists or other people in the community "helping". I'd rather go get help from my drag queen and transgender performer friends. I feel the therapists ignore an important part of transition...that is staying grounded in reality. I had a therapist and I was pretty much "secure" and ready to go the day I showed up. I have no family or anything...No commitments, so I am not hurting anyone. I loved when the old married transitioner in the group insisted on coaching me how to act "lady like"... Shrink attitudes...LOL

Btw, I am extremely shaddow, sarcastic, arrogant, superficial and aggressive in real life. It's just how I am...

I think, based on what little knowledge I have, that TG/TS/CD/Gay etc are probably descriptions of a continuum...although it's not strictly "this" or "that"; one can have elements of one label, while elements of another label might dominate the person's (public) presentation and/or (private, inner) self-awareness.

For myself, I am what I am...and I'm happy with where I'm going.

Sigh, I guess I am wrong. I won't burden you any more.

Quote from: A on December 10, 2011, 04:47:55 PM
Sigh, I guess I am wrong. I won't burden you any more.

I never said your burdened me. LOL

Quote from: Beth Andrea on December 10, 2011, 04:46:12 PM
I think, based on what little knowledge I have, that TG/TS/CD/Gay etc are probably descriptions of a continuum...although it's not strictly "this" or "that"; one can have elements of one label, while elements of another label might dominate the person's (public) presentation and/or (private, inner) self-awareness.

For myself, I am what I am...and I'm happy with where I'm going.

Thank you...you got it!!

I feel like a gay man inside, but it's my personal identity...But want to present as a female outside. trust me, hang out in the gay community long enough and you'll see all the variations. People who say, "gay men are attracted to masculine men and not transgirls/femmies" has never had an A4A account where most people thought i was an FTM when I was living as a boy...LOL

Gay men are as varied as straight men.

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on December 10, 2011, 04:54:33 PM
Thank you...you got it!!

I feel like a gay man inside, but it's my personal identity...But want to present as a female outside. trust me, hang out in the gay community long enough and you'll see all the variations. People who say, "gay men are attracted to masculine men and not transgirls/femmies" has never had an A4A account where most people thought i was an FTM when I was living as a boy...LOL

Gay men are as varied as straight men.

So, with ail due respect, I am just trying to understand your post above, and do nnot want to insult you. You are a gay man who whants to present as female in the outside to attract male gays who like gay males who look like a female. Is this right ?