Very much so. This is my only shot at truly living, and it's within my grasp. I tried to give it up, to call the whole thing off, and I realized that it's the only thing I was living for. I can't imagine a future for myself without it (can barely imagine a future at all). If it became impossible, I'd be dead very soon.

Knowing I can transition and that it will someday get better is all that keeps me going.

Quote from: Kyle_S on December 04, 2011, 11:41:35 PM
Hey, so I've been suicidal for the last few years and have made a few pretty good attempts. Just life circumstances getting to me and such.
But since I came to know myself more and started to really think hard about transition for the past 2.5 years, its been overwhelming thoughts about what if I never get a chance to do it?
That makes me panic and throws me into bad states and aggressiveness. It makes me want out of life to avoid being stuck like...this forever.
Yet at the same time, the hope that I may transition someday if I work hard enough is the ONLY thing keeping me alive. Not friends, not family, not anything but transition.
I'm going to try to find a therapist to help keep the bad thoughts away so I can do this, but I wanted to know if anyone else has ever experienced the same push to die, yet pull to live because of being trans?   

Hey Kyle,

I was kinda in your position prior to my transition... I was depressed, angry at the world, totally introverted, and sometimes suicidal. The only thing that kept me going was the thought that one day I would be female and pass, and my dysphoria would be gone and finally I could be on the outside who I always was on the inside. I used to cut myself every day and honestly the best thing for me was transition. The sooner you start, the better you'll feel. It's hard to be proactive when you're depressed, but find a therapist! If you don't know any, ask around and you'll certainly find one nearby. The Laura's Playground site has a good list.

I wish you the best of luck with everything. Hang in there, stay focused on your goals and the future, and remember that we all love and support you here. <3

Hugs
Kaeleigh

Nope. But I hope I'll never get to that point. When I get to that point, it's either transition, or army.

- Keri

X8^