I am 22 years old and had my SRS a year ago, and I have been in a horrible whirlwind of PMS symptoms ever since my surgery to find my balance of hormones. I am so happy to have had the surgery and I am so pleased with my life, but I don't feel happy. I have no sex drive, I have swollen hands/feet, anxiety, poor metabolism, and the worst, I feel like I don't have a soul and I am just a robot functioning through the day. This is not at all who I was or used to be and trust me, it has nothing to do with any sort of regrets or such. I completely pass and I am so happy to live out my life this young and post SRS as my true female self, but I just am not able to enjoy it like I should be able to. I have been seeing doctors and have been put through the ringer with adding progesterone and testosterone creams to see if it helps but they only seem to make things worse. I swear these doctors will be the end of me considering I have had such horrible side effects from what they prescribe me. I am now only taking oral estradiol pills and I know in my gut instinct that its what I should be on but im struggling so hard for the past year to find my right dosage and method of taking it.

Ideally I need to help/advice from someone post srs who is young and is hormonally balanced. I am begging for help and I would appreciate it if people could message me so I can find out what is going on here and what I need to adjust. I want to feel that life magic so to speak where you can't wake up to start your day and be a social butterfly.

Please message me privately if you have some really pertinent information we can discuss through email.  Thank you my sisters <3

Please see my PM

You actually need to take time and let your little girl grow up. If you go from an adult male body to an adult female body without allowing time for your little girl to grow you surely will feel like a robot. It took time for you to get here and it will take time for you to grow into your new body.. Its not a toy to test out like new equipment. Let what a female feels to take over. Thats where the feeling for love and respect for another will excite your body. Its not about JUST DOING IT.. well for some raw people it might be.. Let the mind stimulate the hypothalamus to stimulate the pituitary to creat coitercoisteroids to stimulate the adrenals to stimulate the cowpers gland to stimulate the erectile tissue because of a true feeling for someone not from thoughts of sex..

.. The old male body is gone there is not hot quick sex.. its not about that.. you left that.. you have to grow over time from a young girl into a woman for that to happen and that takes yrs to grow from a female into a woman.. relax.. go slow .. use your mind and DO NOT think of sex... thats what men do.. think of finding love and do not play with yourself.. let your dream world give you natural wet dreams and in time your new female you body will be acting normal like an average female and one day you will grow up to be a woman.. then you can be much more sexual with your partner.. your different now.. your body is different... connect with the true new you.. hgs love Danielle

PS: I am in my 14th yr being post op so for me i am now just a teen and all works fine below.. its nothing like before..

I don't know all your particulars, but Amazon was spot-on with her advice about letting go and allowing the woman to emerge.

     I lived my life under the rule of T for years and everything began to slowly change for me as I transitioned.  I find now that each day, each week and each month I develop a little more as a female.  I just let go and went with the flow.  In the beginning, I rode a roller coaster of emotions and I just rode along.  I didn't try to control them, as I was advised that I couldn't, anyway.  I just let them wash over me and enjoyed them.  Yes, I enjoyed the down times, as they were new for me.  Every down has an up and without downs there are no ups. 

      I do trust that you are having regular blood tests done and that your E and T levels are within normal ranges for your stage of development.  Being female is totally different than being male, so if you're looking to get back to the emotional control that males have, it's not likely to happen.

      I'd suggest that you try to make friends with some young adolescent women, to better understand what they are going through.  I've done this and it caused me to realize that many of my "weird and strange" feelings and emotions were actually pretty normal.

       Being female is a lot more than just having T and A. 

Quote from: Amazon D on December 11, 2011, 06:07:46 AM
.. The old male body is gone there is not hot quick sex.. its not about that.. you left that.. you have to grow over time from a young girl into a woman for that to happen and that takes yrs to grow from a female into a woman.. relax.. go slow ..

Amazon, you put it very well, Im 25years post op, its completely different just being a woman, it took me a long time just to get in touch with my feminine feelings, Im very lucky to have a loving and caring husband who knows how to treat a woman, its normal for us Jasmine to feel this way, Iv been there, welcome to womanhood!

Quote from: Re: Joyce on December 11, 2011, 06:49:55 AM

      I'd suggest that you try to make friends with some young adolescent women, to better understand what they are going through.  I've done this and it caused me to realize that many of my "weird and strange" feelings and emotions were actually pretty normal.

Thats very good advice Joyce, Iv learned from girlfriends, my Mother etc. just dealing with all the new issues and my life now as a woman, best of luck Jasmine, it takes time to adjust, the hard bit is now done, these emotions as Joyce has said are pretty normal for a woman.
Pauline

Princess, What you're going through sounds horrible! I don't agree that you just need to grow up and get used to the new woman, versus the old man. I don't believe for one moment that SRS should change you like that, overnight. I don't know what's going on, but it sounds like something is terrible wrong. I've found that the body often has a way of healing itself, so if you don't find an answer, perhaps it will just come. The only and best advice that I can give to you is to not give up in your search to find the right balance of hormones, or to find out what ever else is wrong.

Hi Princess

I think Amazon is so right, she really hit the nail, it takes time.
I'm more than 27 years post op and I was walking in your shoes long time ago.
I did call it the post srs depression.
I think it has all to do with expectations, while in transition one will be guided by therapists, endo's and surgeons.
Living with the wish to be completed and have srs, that's the goal.
Once srs is done, there are no people to guide you anymore, suddenly you are on your own.
Before srs I had wild dreams about what to do with my life when all was behind my back.
Everything should be possible and the world was my playground.
The reality is somewhat different, I was a girl now and girly life has limitations, just like menlife btw, only different.
Like everybody, there is time needed to adapt to the new life.
It takes a few years to get used to women's life, to get used to your body, the role you have to fulfill in society.
I made the mistake to rush everything, there were so many lost years, I had to make up time, get what I deserved, and had missed.
It won't make anyone happy to ride in the highest gear.
Don't make the same mistake, take your time and just live, you'll see that every piece of the puzzle will fall into the right place.
just like Amazon said, it takes time to be a woman, you have to go to girlhood first.

It's really frustrating when I receive replies like this because if it were something I could work through emotionally and change, I would totally do it. I would be the first one to admit that I need to adjust and give everything time.

However, its been over a year since surgery and the problems I am dealing with go beyond just typical letdown of expectations.

No, I am talking about the fact that I have practically lost all of my development from before surgery. My breasts and nipples have shrunk greatly, my friends have even noticed my butt and curves are much less, my hands are always swollen, I feel fatigued alot of the time, I get little facial hair whiskers that pop up from time to time even though I have had tons of electrolysis, I have more muscular arms now than I did before surgery, I have a horrible metabolism whereas before surgery I felt hungry at least every 3 hours as opposed to now needing to go without food for 5 or more just to physically feel hunger, I don't feel happiness like I used to. I know I am in a state of chemical and hormonal imbalance but I just don't know what to do to get myself out. It seems I have tried everything possible but I am not going to give up and I think I will just have to find a doctor that will listen to me who knows a thing or two about hormones. I just want to feel like my girly happy self again and I want my body back

Hi Princess Jasmine,

I'm so sorry to hear you are in, not such a good place.

From what you have described, particularly the swollen hands, reversal of physical stature etc, and taking into consideration your young age, I think it necessary for you to somehow kick in doors at the Professorial level of the College of Endocrinologists. If you have to physically throttle or threaten your doctor with grievous bodily harm, then do it. I think you are beyond 'entry' level endo's. If anything, you deserve answers.

It's a well know fact that there is, and has been, too little research done in both MtF and FtM transitions. Bases on that precept alone, should have us all rattling the Professorial levels of research.

I'm inclined to believe your condition may extend outside your transition and be affecting other aspects of your development.

Hope you are able to resolve this matter very soon. In the meantime, be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Hi Princess

Sorry, you were frustrated by the answers, but the question was that you needed advice from post ops who are well balanced.
the first time after srs nobody was balanced and it has taken some time to get the right hormonal balance, every body is different and you need to find your way in hormone paradise.

Your first post is quite different compare to the second one, there I read more physical problems on a bad level.
In that case there is no other option than to go to an endo who knows what's all about, not just a doctor but someone who is specialized in hormone matters and they have to examine your blood levels, metabolism and so on.

If you are losing the female features, there is more going on, and I think you need a doctor who has studied internal medicines.
If you are becoming more and more male with your body, there is still some influence of  T.
The testicles are not the only organs who are making T, the adrenals will do this as well.
I think it's time for a check up.

After srs there was a time that I needed to go to the hospital to check the T levels produced by the adrenals, to see if they are not doing the job of the vanished testicles.
That was almost 30 years ago, when they knew about it than, they should know about it in the current time.
If it's that bad with you, you don't need help by a forum but help from a specialized doctor.
I hope there will be found a solution for you.
Annette

Quote from: Princess_Jasmine on January 08, 2012, 10:41:35 AM
It's really frustrating when I receive replies like this because if it were something I could work through emotionally and change, I would totally do it. I would be the first one to admit that I need to adjust and give everything time.

However, its been over a year since surgery and the problems I am dealing with go beyond just typical letdown of expectations.

OK, I'm not post op. Sad truth is, I will be non-op. So, the advice I will suggest comes from a completely different angle.

Stop trying.

I sincerely apologise for putting that so boldly, but I think you need to take note.

You've had a massive change. One which you wanted and want. One which you're happy with.

Now stop trying to be a female and start trying to live.

Jasmin & Spacial

    You know, Spacial, you must be a doctor, because you sound just like one. A woman comes into the office with re-occuring headaches, vertigo, and double vision. She gets a prescription for an anti-depressant, when in fact she has a brain tumer. Then she dies. Does Gilda Radner ring a bell? Jasmin comes in for swollen hands, muscle growth, hair growth, anorexia (lack of appetite), etc., and she gets a prescription that says "stop trying to be a female and start trying to live. " Jasmin, the one thing that stands out is the fact that your testes were removed. I'm not an endocrimonologist and don't know a whole lot about the field, but there may be more than just coincidence, here. The testes produce testosterone, which I assume you were taking something to block, and then stopped. The thing that would make sense would be that there is another source of testosterone other than the testes. On the other hand, the cells do need a little testosterone. Perhaps your were not producing any testosterone, but that really doesn't explain the muscle and hair growth. Your levels might be something worth looking into, as testosterone affects a whole lot of body functions. I would also question the quality of the source for your estrogen, but direct measurement of estrogen (and testosterone) in the blood, as ordered by an endocrinologist or GP is the way to go for all of this.  And I think that Catherine gave the best advice of all. Good Luck!

Jasmine,

      There is some other information that you should be aware of - the use of testosterone blockers and DHT blockers such as the brand name drug, Proscar (propecia, finasteride), and sporonolactone (brand name Aldactone) can lead to a near complete loss of interest in sex, as well as total impotence. This might not seem so bad until you consider the following. It's reported that MtF transexuals are more likely to be able to experience orgasm after SRS IF they experience orgasm up to the time of their surgery. Now, if one is impotent and had no interest in sex, none whatsoever, it wouldn't be very easy to experience orgasm, would it? Then, when you get the operation, your chances of ever having orgasm again are perhaps greatly reduced. Not a very good result to a poorly planned course of action.

Another thing... the use of these particular drugs are known to cause atrophy of the male genatalia, the skin of which is necessary for creating the neo-vagina and labias during SRS. How rapidly the atrophy occurs is an individual thing, but some doctors have recommended not waiting more than a year after starting them before getting SRS. Apparently, when your dick becomes affected, it REALLY becomes affected! Read as much as you can about the subject. Here is one warning page about Proscar:

      `http://www.propeciasideeffects.com

    Good Luck!

Discussions of anti-androgens is irrelevant to the OP who began her plea for help with

QuoteI am 22 years old and had my SRS a year ago

I am just about 9 months post op, this has been my experience so far. 

You did not say if your doctor checked your T & E levels recently, if not they should be checked, many hrt doctors want to reduce our estrogen dosage after surgery thus putting us at menopausal estrogen levels, my surgeon told me to stay on my pre op dosage, my endo wanted to lower my E dosage till i told him that my surgeon wanted me to continue on my pre op dosage.

Usually the adrenal gland produces enough T for us that are post op, but for some too much or too little, i am in the too little category, about  two months after my surgery i started feeling tired, lacked energy and had low libido, my surgeon had me have my T & E levels checked, my E level was in a normal female range but my T level was <10,  a normal female range is between 20 and 75, my surgeon put me on a low dosage of T and within 3 days my energy levels started to come back up as did my libido.

Paula

Quote from: annette on January 04, 2012, 05:31:55 AM
Hi Princess

I think Amazon is so right, she really hit the nail, it takes time.
I'm more than 27 years post op and I was walking in your shoes long time ago.
I did call it the post srs depression.
I think it has all to do with expectations, while in transition one will be guided by therapists, endo's and surgeons.
Living with the wish to be completed and have srs, that's the goal.
Once srs is done, there are no people to guide you anymore, suddenly you are on your own.
Before srs I had wild dreams about what to do with my life when all was behind my back.
Everything should be possible and the world was my playground.
The reality is somewhat different, I was a girl now and girly life has limitations, just like menlife btw, only different.
Like everybody, there is time needed to adapt to the new life.
It takes a few years to get used to women's life, to get used to your body, the role you have to fulfill in society.
I made the mistake to rush everything, there were so many lost years, I had to make up time, get what I deserved, and had missed.
It won't make anyone happy to ride in the highest gear.
Don't make the same mistake, take your time and just live, you'll see that every piece of the puzzle will fall into the right place.
just like Amazon said, it takes time to be a woman, you have to go to girlhood first.

Exactly this..

I am nearly 12 years post op, and have gone through depressions, that probably drove my poor psychologist crazy. She WAS good enough to continue seeing me through some of the years after my OP, to help me through any dark moments. You build your self up mentally for the final event, then its over, and you see (for me) anyway, I just wondered what do I do next ? Where do I go now ? is this journey over ? or a new one beginning..? I have never had any regrets about what I did, my depressions were not about my gender, it was probably the fact, that I was on a huge downer after the operation, I was once a girl trying to exist in a body that wasn't right, then I became an Adult, and became a woman, with out ever really actually living my life as a girl. Those lost years I think did make me rush into trying to be a "Woman", rather than allowing the girl in me to mature and breathe more. I find there is a lot of sense that has been written here.

Catherine.

I agree with the people who say this is NOT just needing an attitude adjustment or some sort of post-op depression. I have given up my whole past life as a man several years ago and been living as a woman starting at 48 years old. Never been a "girl" and I didn't have issues like this at all. Sure there were some adjustments to make and it wasn't all rosy. There are problems only women have to deal with in society that aren't nice. But we don't HAVE to live as a little girl (girlhood) to deal with being a woman, that's silly IMHO.

Clearly the OP has all sorts of physical problems related to this, that some posters are ignoring.

(to the OP) I'm sure you are tired of doctors playing around and trying to tell you this same BS, it's all in your head. Been there myself and a couple of doctors came close to killing me ignoring what I was telling them. You sound from your posts like a level headed person who was "damaged" when your hormonal balance was disrupted from this operation. I would spend some time finding a GOOD endoc, maybe not even in your city, who has some experience with this sort of thing. I'm not gonna play doctor on what might be wrong but this clearly sounds like a chemical imbalance.

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling bad post op. I have not been post op as long, but I can share my similar experiences.
1st - I had my first operation in sept 2010. I went off HRT for a tracheal shave. From stopping hrt I lost all my breast tissue within 30 days and was devastated. It grew back in about 6 months, i had swelling in my legs and ankles after the surgery and continues to happen occasionally even today.
2nd - In August of 2011 I had GCS (top and bottom) with the same surgeon and was not wanting to lose my breasts again, so I did the breast aug to keep my sanity. I also had major swelling after and was happy and healthy with normal female E levels according to my Endo on ... post op (cutting in half my pre op dose of ... as instructed by my surgeon.) however, as the months went by my energy dropped substantially and my labido as well. I also had to have a revision on my breast aug and the mistreatment from my surgeon was not helping my mood. She had obvious issued handling failure and was taking it out on the patient (me). So I cannot say that I had depression from the bottom surgery.
3rd - i had to stop estrogen 3 1/2 weeks ago, and 1 1/2 weeks ago I got the revision surgery and during this period of time Life has been HELL! I felt much like you are describing. Only now (being back on E for 12days) have I started to feel alive, but still ZERO energy/libido.

With that said love, hang in there. I have been told that I may need some progesterone or low dose of t to get back the energy. I have an appointment Monday with my Endo and will let you know how it goes. But YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME. And if you already have, find another one and get a second opinion.

BTW, what are your current HRT meds?

Kind regards,
Sara

I just feel horrid in every way shape and form. I definitely look like I have gone off the transition train because my curves are definitely no where near what they used to be. I finally switched doctors as mine was no longer a help after 1 and a half years post op and the new doctor put me on an estradiol gel instead of the estradiol pills. They tested my levels and here are the results:

Estradiol : 37 pg/mL
Testosterone: 6 ng/dL
Progesterone: .5 ng/mL

Girls, I cant even tell you how heartbroken I was when I saw these results. I am only 22 years old and I feel like an 80 year old post menopausal woman. These results proved what I had been feeling and I brokedown in the doctor's office and cried. My symptoms have been brain fog, extremely dry skin, slow metabolism, freezing feet and hands, loss of sex drive, depression, loss of memory, not feeling like myself, fatigue etc.

So, the doctor said I need all 3 hormones replaced and I have been taking my pre op dose of estradiol pills at night. They also prescribed progesterone capsules for me to play with to see how much makes me feel better. Its so difficult trying to find the right dose but since adding in the compounded progesterone pills I do feel better and my hair is thicker. I still feel low E symptoms however, even though I have been taking my pre op dose and my doctor seems to think I should take my E more than once a day but whenever I do, I dont feel right. I feel comfortable on the once a day dose but could it be that I just need more than what I was taking pre op? How is that even possible? I miss feeling like my old self I just want my brain function to come back and this is just aggravating me so much to the point where I am just feeling like I'll never get myself back. I have been going through this for a year and a half now Im going to get my blood levels tested again soon when I go see my doctor. Can anyone help me with advice? What is wrong with me? And please dont even insult me by saying I need to give myself time to heal or deal with emotional issues. I see a therapist and I deal with my internal issues. These are physiological problems.

Hi,
Going through a similar thing and I'm 11 years post op a relatively young. Being messed about here in the Uk as there are no exact guidelines for treatment, or so my consultant thinks. I feel like an experiment and meanwhile my health suffers. Let mme know if you get sorted and I will let you know the outcome of my endeavours.