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Do we all hate our mothers?

Started by CaptainFantastic, December 08, 2011, 04:11:09 AM

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insideontheoutside

I love my mom as well. She'll never understand how my head works and we used to get into tons of arguments when I was growing up because she wanted to make me into more of a girl, but I know she was only doing what she thought would make my life ok. In spite of everything my life turned out ok anyway. She still throws a comment around here and there about how I don't look or act like a girl. She also still thinks I don't have a "real" job. But that stuff doesn't bother me. Other than that she's a lot of fun and she's taught me a lot of important things in life.
"Let's conspire to ignite all the souls that would die just to feel alive."
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Tossu-sama

Mom tried to "make" me more of a girl when I was a kid. For example, she didn't allow me to wear certain kinds of clothes or get my hair cut short because that would've made me look like a boy. But I'm sure she was just concerned about me not getting bullied if I didn't fit in. Well, I never did fit in after all... :P
As for now, I think Mom is my biggest supporter along with my fiancé. She's completely okay with my process and took my coming out of the closet phase well. She does have her problems, like the everlasting name issue, but I'm sure she'll get over it.
Sometimes, it feels like I'm the only one who doesn't have any issues with their mother about transition process... :-X
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Superrad

I hate my mother because she physically and mentally abused me as a child. I wasn't really trans, I wasn't really even a full person. The reason I dislike her has nothing to do with being trans, nor does being trans have much to do with her I think. I realised I was trans after I got out of that toxic environment but to believe that the two are related just because they both happened is (in my opinion) a bit silly. It might be true for some but correlation does not equal causation and generalisations always leave out a good number of people.
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Sam-

I love my mom very much. We're really close. We had a rough patch a few years back, but we're over that. I call her mommy. 98% of the reason I'm not out yet is because of her. It will kill me to hurt her. Making her cry...ugh. I can't handle it. I know it's going to break her heart, I'm her only 'daughter' (three sons and me) and it means a lot to her even though I've never been feminine. I'm sorry to all of you who don't have good relationships with your mom/parents  :(
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meh

I love my mom.

My dad on the other hand...I wouldn't say I hate him, but I don't really have a good relationship with him...or any kind of relationship actually. I used to hate him when I was younger, but now that I'm grown I don't. I just feel sorry for him.
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Arch

Not a fan of my mother. I'll be happy never to see her again.
"The hammer is my penis." --Captain Hammer

"When all you have is a hammer . . ." --Anonymous carpenter
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Noah James

My mother and I have an interesting relationship...

To put it simply, I'm like my father and my sister is like my mother - my mother hates my father's guts, but since I'm her child, she tries to look past our differences. When my sister's around, though, she's a time bomb waiting to go off.

We fight a lot, and although that's not abnormal for a mother-teen relationship, we fight about all the wrong things. She constantly crosses lines I've previously and clearly drawn - bringing my father into arguments, bringing my step-sister/step-mother into arguments, and questioning my love for her - though I have yet to say anything she'd find offensive. I sometimes wonder why I hold back, since she claims that I've said all sorts of horrible things that I didn't, but then I remind myself that she's my mother and I know I love her - even if she doesn't think so. The woman may be crazy, childish, and a pain in the ass, but we have our moments and she accepts me for me, so I can overlook all the bad things.

As for my father, he's an older version of me - literally, now that I actually look male.
We get along swimmingly. :P
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Kyle_S

My mother gets on my nerves a lot, childish and has her own little temper tantrums. Makes me feel guilty cause I don't want to do EVERY little thing here. I don't think I really love her that much, no...but she raised me herself. My father had nothing to do with me and my brother because he was already married and didn't want to ruin it. Mom never forced anything on me, not religion, not gender, not sexuality. She has tried her best to support my atheist/woman loving/male identified self, as her child. So, no I don't HATE her, just minimal love, and more respect than anything, I think.
'Though all men be made of one metal, yet they be not cast all in one mould'

- John Lyly Euphus, The Anatomy of Light (1579)
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Felix

I know my daughter loves me but I wonder how she would answer this question.
everybody's house is haunted
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justmeinoz

I don't  hate mine. Just the indifference or blindness to the suffering I went through from about 13 until I left home.  And the refusal to see that I never was a boy now that I have started transition, regardless of what I look like.
"Don't ask me, it was on fire when I lay down on it"
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Rossiter

I don't hate mine but I don't love/like her much either. She's been a pretty terrible parent and while she admits to some past mistakes, she's oblivious to the current ones, she's completely impossible when it comes to me being trans, and she's probably still mentally abusive to my younger siblings, even if she can't get to me anymore.

My father isn't a whole lot better though, haha.
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Andris

Quote from: Tossu-sama on December 10, 2011, 07:26:04 PM
Mom tried to "make" me more of a girl when I was a kid. For example, she didn't allow me to wear certain kinds of clothes or get my hair cut short because that would've made me look like a boy. But I'm sure she was just concerned about me not getting bullied if I didn't fit in. Well, I never did fit in after all... :P
Quote from: AugustFalcon on December 11, 2011, 04:30:38 PM
I don't hate mine but I don't love/like her much either.

Similar,.. almost same here.  :) I don't hate my mother, but that's not full love I feel. I've tried to understand her, I accept her - it must be hard to accept things which she doesn't know yet very well. I know her thoughts and ideas are not clear, she does not know many things all around the world so... One day she's okay, she asks many things for I feel great, then next day she's on the edge shouting me.. and I see on her face she would not say how shame I am for my family but she feels that within.
What to do? Hating her won't solve problems, won't wash away the mistakes... I remember those days when we had our family-shoppings, everybody should have been together, aaah. But I cannot hate her because she tells me all the time that I should wear this or that (which is not also a female piece, but old-fashioned that SHE wanted to wear but no chance on that...) - I even won't forgive her when she attacked me in front of my friends on ~ how I dare buy a baseball cap, it looks so boyish, may I wanna be a boy or what?! ~ then another day bought my sister three baseball caps in pink and gave me one... I won't forgive, but won't show my back either, I won't shout but won't gulp the pain either, if have some because of her deeds and words.  :-\
In the last month she calls me once a week, talks about herself then nothing. When I go home, she shut her mouth and walks away. But I cannot blame her or hate her. No way. I talk more often with my feminine dad, we get on well - sudden weird-good thing it is. :)
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GnomeKid

My mom is awesome.

She just sent me home with cookies, muffins, and soup for finals week. 
I solemnly swear I am up to no good.

"Oh what a cute little girl, or boy if you grow up and feel thats whats inside you" - Liz Lemon

Happy to be queer!    ;)
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anibioman

i love my mom so much. she loves me and i love her i really hope nothing will ever change that. i hate my dad sometimes, he is an ass.

fionabell

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fatalerror

My mom and I got along quite well when I was younger, before I started to think for myself more. Now I wonder if she's at an early stage of Alzheimer's or something too, her personality has changed drastically to me as well, becoming more high-strung and quick to yell "sin!" at practically anything I defend. I'm not out to either of my parents but I think if I was out to her, it would break her entirely (though I have early memories of crying and telling her I was a boy). Her irritability and constant "you're a sick, disgusting pervert" perception of her kids (my brother is gay) makes it hard to talk to her.

My dad and I, on the other hand...always rough, always a relationship of fear. Yet I also see more of myself in him and hold him more as a role model than my other family members.
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Morgan.

Quote from: JasonRX on December 08, 2011, 04:47:34 AM
I've had much more daddy issues growing up than I have ever had with my mother.

This. Although now that I've spoken to him in much more detail about my transition and what changes he is going to see, he's really supportive. It just takes time. My mother on the other hand, there is no human being I am closer to than her. Even though she has told me seeing my transition is going to be a huge deal for her and a journey for both of us, she is supportive 110%. She's my mother and my best friend.

Quote from: fionabell on December 12, 2011, 01:19:32 AM
My grandfather was in the SS :P

I just thought I'd add, so was mine :)

Half of life is f**king up, the other half is dealing with it. - Henry Rollins


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wesxx

I love both my parents, though I relate to my mom a lot more than to my dad. My dad is just... there. He's a good guy, but we're so alike in terms of our personalities and quirks that it irks me to spend significant amounts of time with him. We rub in the wrong direction yet still love each other dearly. And even though my mom can be a little over-the-top when it comes to drama and emotions, we always get over it. Pretty much your regular semi-functional family unit, lol.
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dmx

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kaelais

I really like that you asked that question, and it looks like it gave us all some thought. I love my mother and my grandmother very much but I know being trans is very hard on them. I used them both since I actually ran away from home when I was a child to live with my grandmother. Its taken me awhile to figure out how I felt about them but I do love them both even though I dont always like or agree with what  they do. My grandmother is mormon and generally doesnt think its ok to be gay or be trans and gay so when I came out it really made her think about everything. My mother is a recovering meth addict (clean 12 years and I am very proud of her) so shes accepting of it all and just wants me happy. They both stated the only problem they had was in thinking being trans and being gay was a CHOICE. I think they have finally realized its not a choice its just part of who I am. Even my grandmother is coming around, she tries hard to call me by my name and use male pronouns. I don't push her to do it, its her choice and I dont freak out on her if she gets it wrong..I mean shes almost 90 lol she deserves some slack. So no I dont hate them, they are trying so hard.

On a flip side I met my boyfriend/partners parents in june of this year. OMG talk about supportive. They are very proud of their gay son and show it and now that I am in the mix they are proud of me too. They treat me like one of the family and really support both of us. I say not bad for an older catholic southern republican couple ( no disrespect to anyone btw when I say that)
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