....

When you tell initially, you can safe yourself time by having a tattoo on your forehead wich says,   hey i'm trans.
It's no ones bussiness.
On the other hand, once the relationships is a bit closer, you need to tell, that's the dark side of being a girl with a transsexual past.
I had have relationships with several men, I told them when the clothes were still on the body but when I had the idea that a relationship could work out the good way.
To give you some courage, there is never been a man who left, but, damn, was I nervious? Oh yeah, shivers down my spine.
Always affraid to be rejected.
Like I said, that's the dark side.
I hope it will work out the good way for you, it looks to me that you have feelings for this guy, so, don't wait too long, if he leaves the pain is bigger than.

Good luck
Annette

As a straight guy I can give you a guys perspective, a former gf was transgender and she did not tell me right away but waited till we had become comfortable with each other. I appreciated the trust she had in me by telling me which I know was not easy for her and I always only saw her as the girl I loved. I can't say that it won't matter to all men but those who have dropped the cave man outlook will be able to look into your heart and see the wonderful girl you are and rest won't mater one bit.

That's what I'm hoping for. I have a feeling he'd do just that. Were you capable of having a healthy intimate and/or sex life after finding out?

I considered it a normal,male  female relationship, and rest didn't matter   

Charlotte I can't really add much more to what Annette and Tigger have posted, but Annette is absolutely right when the relationship gets a bit closer you will know when its the right time to disclose.
I was dating my Fiancé for nearly 18months before I tolded him my history, I tolded him when we got engaged, he never knew me as anybody else, he got to know me and only ever saw me as the woman he fell in love with, Im now his Wife.
Tigger you really are a very understanding guy, gosh you sound exactly like my Hubby, this is the most positive thread Iv read here in a long time.
p

There is no reason a transgender girl and a straight guy can't have a normal wonderful relationship, I wish more guys would realize the important thing in life is to have a wonderful loving caring girl in your life.

I've at least pretended to be a straight guy for the last 26 years, so I feel like a have a little perspective. My generation (22-28ish maybe) seems to be getting more and more open minded and accepting, especially those that are cultured to some capacity, and I feel like most cool guys wouldn't have a problem with it. I think the kicker wouldn't be what he felt, but what others would think, which is lame but that's just how it is. If he's kind of hip and and cool, then chances are he's even more open minded. Sexuality these day's is pretty fluid, if he's straight and is attracted to you, a girl, without any preconceived notion of you being anything other than a girl, finding out your past will probably not factor much into his continued attraction to you.   

As you wish my story didn't go great but in reality I suspect this is what you can expect.

One friday night I was walking home alone, My friends had all cancelled and I was lonley and dejected on my way back I encountered a man in an underpass doing "somthing" to a wall. He noticed me seemed startled and walked off I went to the wall curious what he was doing (I was expecting street art or graffti honestly XD) but instead I found what I identified as Plasmodium Slime mould growing and crawling up the wall. He asked me what it was and said he thought it might be an alien. (as it was moving)

I told him what it was but also joked that I'd like to see its and his spaceship as I know alot about space too. (He laughed for a reason I wouldn't find funny until later) He said he was going out but had nobody to go with would I like to go with him. Hell yes... was my answer.

So we went on a date and got to know one another. He asked me all sorts of odd questions I named nearly every dot of light in the night sky to him and explained how black holes and supernove worked. aswell as odd philosopical questions about him dreaming he was somthing else I explained Zhuangzi and Descartes fundimentally had the same idea that he did and that he wasn't the first to think along those lines... He seemed very enamoured with me discribing me as "a girl who falls into your life and answers a hundred questions you had about life and asks a hundred and one more." it was shortly after that we were kissing.

We saw each other a few more times I saw his "space ship" he was temporarily living in a camper van
While we got along great at the end of the night I would always have to stop myself going too far fearful of what he might discover about my body (my scarring or my _penis ) So it was a block on our fourth date I begun to tell him. I explained my past wasn't happy and showed some of my skin ie my scarring.

Eventually before he tried kissing me at the end of my date I went back to the topic and I explained why my past was so dark. Ie "Do you know what a transsexual is?" Followup affirmative "Yeah, I kinda am one"

He seemed astonished and initially incredulous to my claim. "really?" He seemed generally okay with it and I was glad we parted ways he said while he wasn't angry or disgusted it was a suprise and alot to take in.

unfortunately the next day I got a text message where he told me he didn't want to see me again. but he enjoyed the time we had spent together.

"Yeah sure me too" was my responce and I've never heard from him again.

Aww. That's so sad Pebbles. Well. It's his loss! Now he will never get any answers to life's mysteries.
*hugs*
I've known Tigger for a few years. And he really is as sweet as he sounds. I think the only reason his relationship didn't work out was timing and distance. But I think a lot of relationships failed is because of homophobia. I know Tigger was kind of lost as to how to be around a trans woman. He didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings by saying the wrong thing. But I think by talking to me and with research, he understood that no one chooses this life. We are just like other women, only with a somewhat different upbringing. Now, I think any girl here could do far worse than get to know him ^_^

Thanks keaira, you truely are my best friend, pebbles sorry it didn't work out, I wish more men would stop worring about what some will think about them dating a TG girl and just go for it. I look at things this way :if the worlds thinks it is normal, then I am thankful to be abnormal:

I love talking about this, because I do have a bit of experience in this arena.

Most of the heterosexual men I have dated/had flings with were my friends first. In fact, recently, a friend I knew from high school (who knew my boy self) and I reconnected and decided to hang out. Everything was normal but our conversations became more serious and he kissed me unexpectedly. It was amazing to know that I could still be attractive to a straight guy who knew me even when I was in the wrong body. It was a huge relief that disclosure wasn't even an issue.

No one else but you can tell you what the best timing is for telling him about your past. I would say don't do it until your comfortable, but I must stress that you must carry yourself with confidence when disclosing (as I've said in a billion other threads on this topic). If you cry and act embarrassed it will make him uncomfortable, but if you carry yourself with poise and pride, he will most likely have a lot more respect for you. To date, I have disclosed my trans status to 5 men who I've dated and not one of them has had a problem with it. If he likes you for you, then he will accept you. If not, he is seriously not worth your time.

Good luck girl! Go get him!

I agree with the previous poster 100%.

I think however it depends on the guy and the relationship.  Without a solid, strong bond of friendship, I would think the chances of a positive reaction would be less.  But I'm the type of person who thinks you find a friend, discover you love the friend, and, only then, pursue romance.  Not everyone is like that!

I would consider your own safety when you disclose - some men have reacted violently when told.  Others react well, but turn bad when their "friends" find out.  So make sure that this person is someone who is strong enough and confident enough to be their own person.  I would still say honesty is a good idea.

I would also be very matter-of-fact, not wishy-washy, and confidently tell the facts - you need to believe you are what you are - a woman - first and foremost.  By being confident, someone else will be less likely to challenge it.

We had a discussion and it went WELL!!!! Whenever we get a photo together I'll post it

Congrats honey!
I'm really, really happy for you, and to hear about it.

Axélle
PS: bed time for me now, and going with a good feeling :-)

Quote from: cryan91 on February 08, 2012, 09:56:33 AM
We had a discussion and it went WELL!!!! Whenever we get a photo together I'll post it

Yay!!

p.s. I am so happy (and envious of)  you!

Heart warming and stomach churning...
Simply because this mushy stuff does that to me.
But I would be ecstatic if I were you!
Oh how I dream of such a day. |)

Glad you have found someone darl.  I prefer girls only, but happy for my sisters who prefer the guys, when they find a keeper.