Hi all, I just recently went to my first session with a gender therapist. It felt really good to actually vocalize things and I'll be excited to continue going and growing through it. Now, after talking with her, however, I find myself wanting to get it out there more than ever. Revising my new year's resolution plan in the process. I just won't be able to wait, but I know I need to take it slow. Sorry this is so long, I don't want to become the long-winded whiney one haha ("Don't read pidgeontoed's posts, they're probably over 5 pages!" )

So, I've decided to first tell my mom about everything. My depression, suicidal thoughts, and gender issues. This is going to be a hell of a conversation, I feel like they need to go in that order to really emphasize how much this means to me. I get the feeling that transgender problems are taken too lightly much of the time as a "passing phase" or "just a fantasy", and that can't be farther from the truth. My therapist actually laughed out loud when I told her how I felt that many other people see it as a person's choice to become trans, as if out of nowhere, saying "Who in the world would want that!?"

Now, I know she will be accepting of it, but I'm still extremely nervous. You know, the first step's the hardest and I'll probably be all over the place when I do it. A few weeks ago, my mom and I were talking in the car and she was telling me about how she feels about the LGBT bullying and discrimination that's been in the news, citing that she went to school with someone who was born with both sets of "gear", so to speak. The girl's parents chose to raise her as a boy, and it turned out that they chose wrong. How accepting my mother was at the girl's choice to fix the error, and her statements against all of the people who would hassel this girl about what she was doing really made me feel confident about my own feelings. Heck, that is probably a big factor contributing to why I'm here on these forums.

So, I know she will accept me, but I guess what I'm scared of is the changes that will be happening afterwards. I'll be out, and the snowball will start rolling down the hill. I'll have to tell everyone eventually. It'll be a new social dynamic and that worries me. I'm curious as to how exactly she will react knowing that her son is a daughter...

Just something on my mind going into this. Any advice? Thought I would post and seek some calming for my active mind. I have a final exam tomorrow and haven't been able to settle down. I'll post back after, and suggest that she registers here to get information for herself. So, hey, you might even see her around soon!

I gave this same advice to someone else a couple of weeks ago, and I feel it is relevant to reiterate as a response to your situation due to your worries of the changes transition presents.  There is no rush in transition, there are no deadlines.  Some people want to transition as quickly as possible, others want to take it slowly.  Go at a pace that works for you.  If future changes worry you, it is perfectly normal and quite alright, but I trust there is a bit of excitement as well, yes?  I do hope so. 

As per coming out, the suspense prior to is enormous, I know.  I cannot say how it will work out for you (though you have said you believe your mother will be supportive which is awesome) but I can tell you for myself at least, coming out brought an unimaginable level of relief.  I made the decision to come out to everyone at the same time via social networking; I got a surprising amount of support, with some but very little opposition.  As time passed, everything subsided and people returned to their daily lives.  Two very important key factors to remember are to speak with confidence and stand your ground.  When people see they are unable to manipulate your feelings, as you present no doubt or uncertainty, it may cause their level of resistance to diminish (though never a guarantee, but either way, stay true to who you are and what you want).

I made the decision to come out no matter what ramifications it entailed, and though a friend of mine did seize all interaction with me due to my being transgender, in my mind I didn't lose him, he lost me.  If I was not to be accepted for who I was at the core, then that was a person I did not care to be accepted by.  You can spend every day of your life pleasing others and still die miserable and dissatisfied; rather you can focus on what matters most and ensure true self-happiness above all else first, and if others become stubborn due to this, it is no one's fault but their own and the inclination to counteract their dissatisfaction is within their hands. 

My overall advice is to do your best to relax.  One way or another, everything will work out as it should.  The possibility of losing friends and family due to being transgender is known and should be a valid, present thought in your mind, but it is not a fact and thus thankfully not a guarantee.  As well and to conclude, negativity of any kind should in no way persuade you against actively pursuing the life you deserve in both discovering and becoming your true self.

Best of luck in coming out!  You can do it!

Wishing there was a Facebook-style like on this forum, thank you! It was good reading that. Darn right, I'm proud to be me and if you don't like it then get out of my life! I've spent a lot of my life trying to make sure everyone is good and not ofended. If I offend anyone by the way I am then forget them, it's their fault. I won't be miserable 24-hours a day just so you can have your gender bubble in tact (metaphorical "you", not you ). Also, yes, there is a lot of excitement, especially with my mom because I know that she will be okay with it and help me through the rest.

Ciao!

Awesome attitude!    I am glad what I wrote helped you.

Just told my mom, it feels good to be able to talk about it with her. At first, naturally she was a bit quiet, but we've been chatting since. My dad is walking in and out cooking dinner right now, so it's kind of hilarious how the words we choose change to avoid breaking it to him just yet That'll come in time, but right now i'm moving forward.

Kind of a bit of a slip up last night, though... I got very very drunk at the bar and ended up telling one of my friends whom I've talked about suicide and bipolar and other issues with before. He's a really open minded guy so I knew he would understand, and he did. However... as I was coming out of the bathroom he was talking to my boss who hires me to take photographs for a Cleveland based magazine and told her about it! I just ended up breaking down and making a fool of myself. The guy apologized a thousand times for doing it, but hey, I need to tell everyone eventually, right? Maybe this loose thread will help spread the idea before and prepare the world for the news of me as me.

That is all, signing off...

Several people have posted  a similar thing, at some point we just start to tell people and damn the consequences. It's sort of not being able to live the lie anymore.

Good Luck

Cindy

My mom's nervous. She's worried that something will happen to me (ie. hate crime potential). I'm telling her to come here and talk to people in the SO section. I hope she does, but I don't really know what to tell her... Yeah, it's possible that through telling those in my life, people will react in a very bad way. I'm proud of me and if they do, I know I'll be able to handle it, but I don't know what to tell her...

We all face the same problems. Asking your Mum to the SO board would be great for her, and you.

Hate crimes differ from place to place and country to country. But crime, accidents and stuff happening is, sadly, just part of life. You could get hit by lightening and no doubt some preacher would say it is a sign from god. Others would say s*** happens.

Good on you for a big step forward.

Cindy

Quote from: pidgeontoed on December 17, 2011, 04:54:32 PM
Just told my mom, it feels good to be able to talk about it with her. At first, naturally she was a bit quiet, but we've been chatting since. My dad is walking in and out cooking dinner right now, so it's kind of hilarious how the words we choose change to avoid breaking it to him just yet That'll come in time, but right now i'm moving forward.

Kind of a bit of a slip up last night, though... I got very very drunk at the bar and ended up telling one of my friends whom I've talked about suicide and bipolar and other issues with before. He's a really open minded guy so I knew he would understand, and he did. However... as I was coming out of the bathroom he was talking to my boss who hires me to take photographs for a Cleveland based magazine and told her about it! I just ended up breaking down and making a fool of myself. The guy apologized a thousand times for doing it, but hey, I need to tell everyone eventually, right? Maybe this loose thread will help spread the idea before and prepare the world for the news of me as me.

That is all, signing off...

Awesome!  I am glad you are getting support!  Weight off the shoulders, yes? 

Quote from: pidgeontoed on December 18, 2011, 12:31:31 AM
My mom's nervous. She's worried that something will happen to me (ie. hate crime potential). I'm telling her to come here and talk to people in the SO section. I hope she does, but I don't really know what to tell her... Yeah, it's possible that through telling those in my life, people will react in a very bad way. I'm proud of me and if they do, I know I'll be able to handle it, but I don't know what to tell her...

Well, to tell her nothing could happen would be untruthful, as you've realized.  Hate crimes do exist, unfortunately.  But, the more of us who take a stand for what we believe in and band together (not necessarily just those within the LGBT community either), the stronger we become.  I am a no-nonsense type person.  If someone becomes confrontational with me due to my being trans, and attempts to deescalate the situation prove unsuccessful, I will fight for what I believe in and who I am.  Now, I am not suggesting to get into fights all the time to prove a point, but, it is important to carry yourself with utmost confidence; bullies like to target those who appear vulnerable.

Crimes are going to happen.  If everyone in the world hid from the truth of who they are due to fear, no one would exist.  Hate crimes exist for far more things than simply race, sexual orientation or physical appearance.  In this world, there will be at least one person who hates another person who differs from their ideal standards.  Subjecting yourself to fear only enables the bullies further, and many times hate crimes occur simply due to the bully having a similar issue but is unable to deal with self-acceptance.  The more information put out there in support of things like being transgender, and the more people openly come out with pride, the more many who are in hiding may come out, which very well may have been a potential bully.

Life's a gamble.  It's a gamble every single day of our lives.  It's something we either choose to live with, or choose to remain in fear of; but I can assure you the odds do not change either way.  I want to live happily, and I'll be damned if anyone is going to attempt to take that from me.

Thanks for the encouragement, stldrmgrl. She has agreed to talk to someone about it. Also, I'm out to my ex-girlfriend/best friend and my two best friends from grade-school as well as a newer close friend of about a year. Just told my closest friend from when we were at least 5 years old over Skype. He's in Afghanistan right now recovering from surgery (nothing too serious, don't worry!) It went well, and it feels good to be out to the people closest to me, that I know will understand. I know I'll need the support when this knowledge starts to spread to my more distant or newer friends.

I was out at the bar earlier, and I found that, since identifying myself as trans, being around cis-folks having a good time starts a bit of dysphoria within me. I feel uncomfortable unless talking about something, but when I drop out of the conversation, it really hits. However, there was one funny thing that happened earlier that I would like to share:

I was talking with my roommate's girlfriend about how long it's been since we've seen each other and suggested us going out to "The Valley" ie: the strip of bars near her new apartment. I almost slipped up and said "Yeah, we should go out to the valley. Just us girls!" but I covered it up so as to not yell across the bar! Afterwards I texted one of my friends who I am out to and we had a good laugh about this near slip up. It just felt good to be able to text someone after something like that and have a talk.

Also, this same person I texted I've not known for very long, but he has another life-long friend who just came out to him as MTF, so next week we're all going to have a drink and chat together about whatever comes up. I'm sure that trans topics may rule the night (2 vs 1, as it will be ), but it's exciting to be able to discuss with someone who is in the same place. Helps me through the day knowing that I'm not alone. Just thought I'd give an update on my coming-out progress on my coming-out thread! See you all later!

Congratulations!  That is awesome