I had to take my daughter to emergency room last night. She burned herself making mack and cheese. She is doing fine now. But what happen at the hospital gave me mixed feelings. I was worried about my daughter as I stood by her the doctor came in and asked me if I was her mother. I felt hurt because I had no choice but to say, No I'm the dad. There were about 5 other people standing there in the room all looking at me. Here my daughter is going through this and all i wanted was to focus on her but I was faced with this self outing feeling that I was not ready for. The doctor took off his glasses and tapped them while saying, "I need to get my glasses checked. Everyone else in the room stared at me like they were confused about what just happened. I guess I am starting to pass but it does not feel to good when you have to point out in front of a room full of people that you are a man (dad). Don't get me wrong. I just wish that I could have just said yes, I am the mother. I keep getting slapped in the face with my past present life. How do you handle this? It is starting to hurt more every day. I don't mind people knowing but I would like to be able to keep myself from sudden shock of someone seeing me as female and just wanting to go along with it but feeling robbed of myself because I had to tell them something that I don't want to. I still was happy that he saw me as myself but the feeling of forced out in front of them all was weird to me. Even though I am out to most everyone but this was different for me. I'm not sure how but it was.

Sorry to hear about the daughter's burn...hopefully it's not too bad?

As to the self-outing....myself, being pre-everything (except nails, earrings, etc) I take it as a compliment when someone mistakes me for a woman...I think I'd still take it as one even after all is said and done.

So, my scenario would play out like this:

"Are you the mom?"

"Err...thank you, but no, I'm transgendered...I'm the dad."

(This way the "audience" gets a heads-up about the clothing/person/title incongruities)

*hugs* to you

First of all, I'm glad your daughter is doing fine.

Secondly, I'm sorry to hear of what happened to you.

I have not encountered a situation such as this (with my son), but I can only imagine I would have instead replied with, "I am her parent."

But yeah, sorry to hear

I've used the I'm a parent a lot. Our son has type 1 diabetes so we make regular quarterly visits to a ped endo. I usually fill out the forms and when it asks or a doctor asks I use parent instead of dad or mom.

Quote from: stldrmgrl on December 16, 2011, 09:58:26 PM
I would have instead replied with, "I am her parent."

But yeah, sorry to hear

This is what I go with. I am my daughter's parent until it has to come out that I am her father and then only in private. There is nothing wrong in asking the person in question for a private exchange when necessary.
My daughter is only 2 and a half and she calls me mama + my name. this was easy since she just started to talk not too long time ago.
Yes ,it is awkward at times to out yourself but I just stand my ground and tell it exactly how it is.
Even when my daughter asks where her father is I tell her I used to be her father until I transitioned into a woman.
I don't think these moment cease. It just gets a little easer to handle as your self confidence grows and you stand your ground.
You are doing great progress by the way!

I wish I had children.

I am curious if the mother is still in the picture?

I, too, will say that firstly I'm glad your daughter is doing well.

I, too, will also say that were I in such a situation I would have just admitted to being the father. I used to identify as genderqueer. I'm not genderqueer: I'm trans. But, I like to queer gender roles. Not from a genderBLEEP point of view, but because I find queering gender roles to be fulfilling and worthwhile.

My son (nearly 23 years old) calls me Connie. My daughter (20 years old) calls me Dad, and I'm okay with that. For me, no amount of hormones, surgery, psychotherapy, or passing will ever change the fact that I fathered two children and had been a husband for 23 years. I can't really bring myself to be unhappy about my past, because I love my family.

But, that's just me. My son brings me gifts of chocolate on both mother's day and father's day. But, I'm not their mother. They have a mother, and she is a wonderful person (even if this divorce is extremely upsetting to me). Some families have two mothers and every thing is just fine. I choose to remain known as the father, even though I am a woman. I'm a male-bodied woman, but a woman nonetheless.

But again, that's just me. I don't mind being seen as the father.

@MsDazzler She is in the picture. She came up there just after what happened.

I just have to learn to deal with it. I would not change my past but not having that moment really sucked. I think that telling them I am transgender my be the way to go since I have accepted it. I think that every experience like this is helping me grow. I still was happy that he asked me that. It was a complement to me and I hope to hear it more just next time I will have my guns ready so I don't feel so crappy. lol.

Good to hear your daughter is fine!

I too had the same thing happen a couple of times last year. I wasn't out yet but being gendered quit often as female. The one time it happened the check in nurse nearly argued with me and asked me 3 times "the Father".

It's not a great feeling if your not out.

Now I'm out "so to speak" but I know if I have to bring one of my children to the ER its still going to be awkward. I have updated things and it now names Shelly **** as their Father, this may be even more awkward.

My children still call me Dad at home and Shelly when out. I know they have a Mother and I never try or want to be their Mother but it sure would help in some situations (except with Dr's) They have many times in quick conversations say that I am their Mother.

Quote from: Just Shelly on December 17, 2011, 07:15:34 PM
Good to hear your daughter is fine!

I too had the same thing happen a couple of times last year. I wasn't out yet but being gendered quit often as female. The one time it happened the check in nurse nearly argued with me and asked me 3 times "the Father".

It's not a great feeling if your not out.

Now I'm out "so to speak" but I know if I have to bring one of my children to the ER its still going to be awkward. I have updated things and it now names Shelly **** as their Father, this may be even more awkward.

My children still call me Dad at home and Shelly when out. I know they have a Mother and I never try or want to be their Mother but it sure would help in some situations (except with Dr's) They have many times in quick conversations say that I am their Mother.

I am out but I keep forgetting that I am out. I was in the me mode one night at the bar and this person kept saying, he, him and refuring to me as a man. I got very pissed and stormed out of the bar. This was before I realized I was going to have to except that some people just are not going to except me for who I am and conform to what I want. But sometime I slip back into that mode of thinking and just want to hear the words she, her, maam and so on. I wound love to hear it from people that say they love me. But they have spent the last X amount of years saying him, he and so on so I understand. It would not be fair to them to not give them time to understand that it bothers me.