Even though i was read by a couple of the 20 or so firemen from our local department - they all treated me with respect. They were the judges at our communities' first annual chili cook-off today.
I was a bit nervous about today - it was just a completely different level of exposure than i have had in our community before. Hell. I'm really used to living and working in the public eye at this point - and frankly - i am not one of the people that could wait until i could fully pass before beginning - although this has quickly and vastly improved even within the last 6-8 months. This was a nervy step in front of my whole community. I almost didnt do it. I am a Chef. An excellent one at that. I must do it. I was invited. I could bail. So many things going thru the mind - usually i walk straight into almost any trepidations.
One of the girls in the office begged me to enter - they know how much i love to cook. Some of my neighbor friends did the same - told me i "just had to" enter. They would come and see me. I had a birthday dinner party last night and got to bed at about 4AM. Didnt wake up until 12:30 and i had to have my crock pot over to the office on the judges table by 4PM. hadnt even started an ounce of my preparations. Got started really cooking at about 2PM - walked into a clubhouse at 4:05 filled with people - maybe 30 or 40 neighbors plus children everywhere - most of whom i had never met before. -
Peach colored Tanktop. bluejeans. A standard white kitchen apron. Baseball cap. Sandals.(toes, of course - always pedicured with little flowers painted on my big toes) Utter MINIMAL makeup. Got read by a few of the people there within minutes of walking in. But they just seemed stunned quiet. - i dunno - it was different. I really do feel very good about my looks and fitness level more now than ever before. I know people can still tell fairly often - but what i project is always very warm, very intelligent, very unafraid and very outgoing - and VERY natural.
Didn't care - held my head high and talked with whoever i did know there - the office manager - another one of the other girls that works there.
Our next door neighbor friends (a very nice young couple with a beautiful baby girl) came in and we sat and talked while the judging was going on. They've only ever known me as i am now. She was one of my "pool buddies" last summer (my first summer ever out in all life, all the way)... Talk about support from your neighbors - these people have been INCREDIBLE.
I could tell that it had gotten through all the fireman about me by this point - you can always tell by some of the looks - but this wasnt ridicule. It was almost a compliment. i could see that probably a few other people knew too at that point - but they didnt sit and shoot weird glances, or stare for long, or go off whispering with others - radar was on high - i know what's going on around me most times - I have to...
They could have slammed me - they all gave me the highest marks in every category - and these guys didnt know i was a chef, either - no unfair advantage.
I won. I feel like new breakthroughs again. I walked into a lot of my still existing internal trepidations today. Got treated with face to face respect, civility, and neighborly good manners by almost every person there.
I won a nicely loaded Amex Gift Card. It was good to hear my name announced out loud and not feel scared at all in front of a roomful of people as i graciously said thanks and took a slight bow/curtsy.
Wow - my mind is exploding. Every day is still filled with such amazingly new and wonderful experiences - no matter how difficult some of them are - the deep self-awarenesses keep coming - keeps coming in waves. Still being flooded with it from deep inside, every day. As Rhonda put it so well - "Multiple concurrent internal healing processes".
Indeed.
Wow.
I'm just kind of blown away by a lot of things right now.
Thought i would like to share this one with you all.
Sincerely,
Annagirl
