Quotelol! me too! especially to my male self if that makes any sense. -shrugs- very true about the schedules, but for me it also includes distance and acceptance.

I have a lot of characters I do, some based on people I know and some just made up. Different ones for different circumstances.

I think I might be crazy. 

Distance for me is usually impossible, since I can't drive. I have hearing and coordination issues and I can't safely operate a car. I'm always stuck at home when I wish I could be out doing stuff with others.

Jenny, I'm friends with a cop! It's possible! Though I knew him before he went into the academy so maybe that's why also, I've been wanting to use this emote for a long time: But we just went out to get Chipotle (if you don't know what it is, they have awesome HUGE burritos) and he came in his Deputy Sheriff uniform. It felt awesome hanging out and chatting with him with the looks he was getting. In a college town, mind you, "Sorry officer, I wasn't drinking, I'm only 19! *BURP* /vom"

Also, fun thing I like to do when I'm feeling down that there's no one to hang out with is play Billiards with myself, left hand versus right hand. I don't think I've assigned a gender to them yet, I think they're both female, but the left one is a <expletive deleted> She always cheats on the first game and wins until right hand throws it down for a 2 game comeback. Cat fight, billiard-style?

What are "real friends" anyway? I don't think I've had any my entire life. My "friends" are simply people-I-hang-out-with; they will lie to you, cheat you, talk behind your back, never be there for you... but you can talk to them when you've got nothing better to do - just don't say too much. 99% of the people you meet will be like this, sometimes it's best to just ditch everyone and become independant. For me personally, simply having a job or going to college suffices to accommodate for my social needs, the people I meet at work are no different from my actual "friends", I don't trust either really.

I'm genuinely surprised at how many of you don't have friends... I kind of thought I was the only one.
Almost everyone seemed to give off the impression of being perfectly socially well-adjusted.

Quote from: JoeyD on December 14, 2011, 08:20:58 PM
Jay is one of my only friends.
I can count the amount of people who actually care to talk to me on my fingers.

Sucks being lonely! 3:

OK, this is very, very shocking... ~How can you be lonely, Joey?? I really can't believe anyone wouldn't want to talk to you. You have such an awesome sense of humor!

Yea no real friends here either. Just people i talk to on the phone who speak to me becase they feel i am less than and that makes them feel better. I am their friend and keep talking to them. Oh well one issue here at SUSANS is people don't even tell what state they are in let alone what country   That makes it hard to meet people in real life. Anyway i am in central Pa where are you and please add it to your profile so people can get to know you better to be a real friend maybe even in person.

As you can see my the replies you're not alone.

I don't have any friends, real nor imaginary  Except that is for myself and my wife. Sometimes I am not such a good friend to myself but my wife always is the best!

I lost contact with people down through the years. It happens. I would never say I was popular but I had a good group of people to connect with, they would never come round my house but we'd hook up at college and at other youth organisations and events. Since I am no longer a youth I never go to anything. I am still at college but when you do a doctorate it's very lonely. It's not the same as doing a bachelor's nor a master's. I know a few people through my wife but I don't anyone she doesn't.

Being trans has meant that I have almost zero self confidence, seeing that I am not transitioning at present I am very awkward as a male and uncomfortable being read as one, I never seem to be able to maintain any contacts despite making loads over the last few years and now I just hang out at home and my life consists of work, uni and home.

I read and watch TV and films, learn languages when I amn't working or doing my doctoral work.

Part of me says that friends are over-rated, that you are your own best friend, that you come into and leave this world alone. That's all true but it feels very pessimistic.

Would I like a friend, even one, to go have a coffee with once in a while? Sure, but I can get by more or less without that. Not having friends means I have more time to myself to work and do the things I enjoy. If I had friends I'd have to put up with their drama. And, as I am not one that can cope with stress easily that's wouldn't be something I could manage.

Anyway, I know why I don't have friends. Partly it's because I am not out-going, I don't really get out, I don't partake in any events, I have low-self esteem because I am ümber uncomfortable being a guy in society and I tend to find it hard to find people with similar interests as me. A big part of me says that when I do one day transition, I'll still be sitting at home hiding from the world. I can only hope not but I won't hold my breath. 

I know lots of people and I run into them almost everywhere I go. There are a few that I regularly visit and some that I can count on if I need something, just as they can count on me. Some of it comes from seeing so many of them come in where I work and after a while, you learn more about them and they learn about you during idle chatting while waiting on the card thingy to clear or something. A few have felt a need to vent something, which is fine, they might not have someone else to do that with. I think they sense that I am a good listener when they do that.   

I don't have friends that I really hang out with though other than when a few are down from their main residence up north, then I spend a lot of time around them, we eat together a lot, our dogs play together, etc. I'm also fairly close with my immediate neighbors as I've known most of them a long time and they know my history pretty well.

I suppose I can't really complain as I see so many people get used by friends and I am able to keep that from happening to me and I certainly don't use anyone else.  Also, I spend so much time around people at work, that honestly, coming home to a relatively quiet house with just my dog there makes for some good relaxing time.

Quote from: Beverley on December 16, 2011, 09:49:39 AM
Are there no people studying in the same subject area as yourself? Does your advisor only have you as a student? The reason that I am asking is it is sometimes easier to talk to people who have interests in the same area as yourself. It gives you a common subject to begin a friendship with and develop from there.

Beverley

No, no, there are a good number of students studying for the same degree as myself and my super has two other students apart from me. I joined the programme this year and 6 others joined with me at the same time. I have been very polite and friendly to all the people on the course but many of them know each other from before (this uni is their alma mater but not mine) and whenever I have gone to talk with them they act very disinterested. It's like highschool all over again (I changed schools between 9th and 10th grades) with others not wanting to make newcomers welcome.

My friends back at home were very much like this. I miss them so much. I have maybe one friend here who I can be silly with, and not worry about a thing. There's just so many fake people any more. And yes, anymore everyone is so socially screwed up. Social networking and videogames are destroying people I think. 

I have many friends but only a few that are close enough that we call each regularly for no other reason than we want to talk. The best and closest friend that I have ever had is sitting across the table from me right now and I met her on this forum almost a year ago. I drove 900 miles wednesday after work to get here and it was worth every mile!!!

Not sure if it makes things feel better but I am also completely alone.


No friends to talk about, only shallow people who doesnt really care. I am always the 2nd choice at best!


Is this a trans thing or what? I have always wondered why people seem to withdraw. Are we radiating something? it sure seems that way.

Anyway if you lived in the same country as I do I would gladly hang with you. Why cant we all buy a town or something ? no more loneliness then .

Zero, none, nata, zilch!!!

But it's partially my own doing.

I do try to reach out to some people, though I think I come across stranger then I am already.

My children are my buddies, probably not a good thing but I make sure I let it be know I am a parent first. My one child said one time "Dad, (I'm still their dad) what are you going to do when we're gone" he said it jokingly like many children but I almost broke down right then and there. I didn't show any feelings and told him back jokingly "what do you mean me, what about you!"

You know, I have to tried to reach out to people and have become a bit more social but I realize what I was before isn't going to change because I transitioned. If someone had low self esteem kept to themselves before, they will still do the same during and after transition. Sometimes even more!!!

Oh well.

Friends today, gone tomorrow.   People suck !

I think this thread has established that many of us lack temporary friends. We all have the 2 or 3 real friends. But real friends have their own lives so they can't always be there. Transient friends are nessesary too. They are the work friends etc . They are available company.

Quote from: Carolina1983 on December 17, 2011, 12:48:41 PM
Not sure if it makes things feel better but I am also completely alone.


No friends to talk about, only shallow people who doesnt really care. I am always the 2nd choice at best!


Is this a trans thing or what? I have always wondered why people seem to withdraw. Are we radiating something? it sure seems that way.

Anyway if you lived in the same country as I do I would gladly hang with you. Why cant we all buy a town or something ? no more loneliness then .

As my brother had said before, often times people are just unsure how to take us. As "assigned" gender, people we try to friend as such gender often get confused about our personalities. That's why when we make really great friends, they're friends for life.

Real can of worms this is , but sad fact that most of us have no real friends,it,s even gross we have to use the words real friends , knowns would be more used not friends.
And here we have many equals in problems ,sort of friends in fate.

May we all find love and friendship.  hugss

and a kiss for a special one  

Quote from: JennyCop on December 14, 2011, 12:50:28 AMIt does feel so lonely! My career choice doesn't help either, no one wants to be friends with a cop!

I don't see why I couldn't be friends with a cop... It's not like I think you would randomly pepper spray me or something.

I don't see why I couldn't be friends with a cop.

In LA the cops used to say "just arrest him, we'll find out what he is guilty of later."  And to no small degree, its' true.  And that's why people don't want to hang with cops, somewhere/somehow they are doing something illegal.

And, like the job itself, the good ones are lumped together with the really foul ones.

I have a good friend and across the street neighbor that is a sherriff's deputy. I use to tease him about corruption and graft, but I haven't done that after the former sherriff went to jail for it, lol. Luckily, my neighbor was never involved in that stuff. Plus he's fun to try to hit with my car sometimes if I catch him at the right time. I tell him that I'm just testing his reflexes, trying to keep him in top shape. Same with the other little pranks I do to him from time to time.  Just had another deputy that moved in next door too, still haven't decided on him yet though as I've only met his family and not him yet.

Ever taken notepads or pens from work?

I had a boss almost faint once when I went in and handed them a huge wad of about 30 pens saying:  "Hey, they followed me home."  She said that in 40 years she had never seen that happen.  Eh.  They were crappy stick pens and I use better ones.  But, to the degree that I have ended up with pens from work at home (or anything else) I take it back.

I always thought that most cops hung out with other cops.  Like criminals tend to hang with criminals.  Like for someone in a gang that gang becomes 100% of their social life.  Because the cops are (at least over here) just another gang (with all the same gang rules in effect - Thin Blue Line/Blue Wall and all that), they are just the gang we hire to protect us all from the other gangs.  And cops and criminals have far more in common than your average 9-5er has in common with either.  And, like gangs and criminals, outsiders are really, really not welcome or wanted around.  And once you find that out it might make people more reluctant to form friendships as they would be limited.

And, as I know from working strange hours as many cops do, it's hard to make friends with the 9-5 types when you're crawling off to bed finishing your last beer as they are walking to work.

True of all jobs, not just policing.
Oh sure, I'm sure that there are musicians and other performers who have a very real, well-founded and intense dislike of stagehands, particularly IATSE stagehands (and there are lots of 'stars' we love to hate on too, and then... there are actors - oh no!).  The same way I used to hate on the A&R guys from the record company.  The difference is that outside of the actual show people no one else ever has to deal with us, so they don't know how when it comes to being dick-heads this is the major league, we're the Yankees, and this is OUR house.  Same with the record company guy.  Sure the band hates him.  Ditto the crew and the venue people too - but very few other people ever meet that guy so they don't know.

But, lots, and lots, most maybe - close to all? - of people have had dealings with the police, and often at the wrong end of the nightstick or traffic ticket.  And, unlike stagehands, rock stars, and record company lizards, that cop has the ability to profoundly change your life - and not for the better.

Heck, the reps of most cops would go up 100% if the police association could stop college towns from hiring guys who were just too much of a dick-head to be a stagehand, so they 'police' students instead.  Lots of people leave college with a profoundly lowered opinion of law enforcement due to their college-town experiences with the town cops.  (BTW, that's nothing new, 'Town and Gown' Riots go way, way, way back in history.)

And, of course it's not 'all' cops - not by any means.  But in some situations its' 99% of them (like the college-town cops).  I lived for years in a small town.  One cop.  He'd come around the Malibu Lounge (the only bar in town, odd name for the middle of Iowa) round about 1:30 every night and take the keys away from those who should not drive home and put them in the patrol car and drive them home and get the keys back to them in the morning, or drop 'em off with the wife.  I never had a problem, I lived two blocks away.  But I always liked that - that's both protecting and serving.  Unlike the ones here in Santa Rosa who just wait outside the bars at 2am.  It's just a small town thing.  I also never have problems with Oakland/Chicago/NYC/San Francisco cops.  Big city cops rarely hassle people, they have real crime to deal with.  Five kids with a six pack on the beach is not going to be a big deal.  If your wrong you get busted or beat - either way - and it's professional.  They tell you to 'MOVE IT!' - you're moving.   But the ones in the middle.  The ones particularly in suburban towns - yikes! 

So yeah, it's true of all jobs, but the police have a huge outreach (in usually profoundly dismal situations) that few other professions can touch.

And who makes personal calls from work anymore?  Doesn't everyone have their own phone that they are using?