Hey all,

I've recently come to terms with the fact my sexuality is more fluid than I had previously thought. I'm scared about that happening to my gender identity as well. Especially after starting hormones. I ID currently as a very femme man. But I'm concerned that that will change and I'll be on T. Like I've said in previous posts, I plan on starting T by February and was wondering what you guys think? I know there are some genderqueer/andro people here that are doing HRT. Just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this.

I did for a little while, but my confusion occurred after starting T not before. Gender and Sex are hardly the definitive concepts we'd like them to be. I dealt with my questioning by working to define how I see sex and gender and reached the point where my gender is male and I'm a gynandromorph for my sex. Genderqueer is a label I've used in the past, but I avoid now since its not my gender that's queer, its my body.

The only way I know to deal with fear is to process what is causing it. Are you scared that you won't like the changes T will cause? That you'll be stuck "in between"? That you'll transition to male and not like the results?

The only thing I've come to be able to say for sure is that all things are possible when it comes to gender and sex. All you can do is make the choices you feel are right for you based on what you know about yourself and by asking yourself the hard questions. The fact that you're posting this shows that you are considering all possibilities, which is a good thing. If you feel T is right for you, whether your identity remains male or not, it is the right thing. Hormones can do a lot to change how we feel about ourselves, but I'm finding that, in my case at least, T revealed parts of me I would never have otherwise seen.

Good luck on your decision.

I've rarely identify as a man and currently feel very hesitant to identify as male, yet I'm 3 months on T and it was crucial for me to start. I id as genderfluid (between 4 genders... jeez), so it was a really tough for me to decide whether to start or not because I was afraid some part of me wouldn't like the changes. I had been considering testosterone for 6 years on and off and then it just hit me earlier this year that I'd much, much rather had been MAAB (I get a lot of body dysphoria from not having male junk) and get read as male even though I would still be getting misgendered either way. Since starting T and living as male, I've felt so much more comfortable with myself.

My advice is just listen to your body. If you find it's telling you to start T and you desire those changes, then by all means go for it. If you're on it and it doesn't feel right, then you can stop at any time! Clearly no one is forcing you to take T.

As for your sexuality being fluid... I think sexuality tends to be a lot more fluid than gender/sex identity (not your expression of it however). I wouldn't say that being sexually fluid is indicative of being somewhat genderfluid, it's just what you like vs. who you are, you know? I can't really say as I've been out as bi/pan/queer since forever, lol, and well, it's harder to tell if you sexuality is fluid when you're attracted to a random assortment of peoples of all genders. 

Hmm. I dunno. It doesn't seem like it'd be much of an issue being "queer" or "gender nonbinary" and trans on HRT. I know a lot of guys like this and being on hormones sometimes influences your sexuality more than your sense of gender fluidity, or so I've seen from experience. I don't think this will be much of an issue, but if you don't like how testosterone makes you feel, you can always choose to stop taking it anyway - because you should start noticing differences pretty quickly.

I was thinking that too, that you could always stop if you weren't comfortable. And we have a few people on here who are non-binary and have started T/plan to start T and are happy with their choice.