As I get closer to starting the hormone process (december 27th) I've been realizing i have alot of fears i never knew I had.
I'm starting to become extremely nervous about the way I might smell and things like that and if my boyfriend will find me appealing anymore.
I'm scared of how he will perceive me sexually and physically while my body is adjusting to HRT.
I am also realizing my chance to ever identify as a gay male is leaving. I never have identified as a gay male, which is the strange part of this fear.

What kind of unsuspecting fears have you had if any?

Well there's the fear the docs will find some mystery illness to deny me HRT (low chance, but there)

There's the thought I'll grow a bald spot just in time for transition.

Somethings are really weird.  Like how I used to like my hands and wrists for being small and womanish, and then I look again, and sometimes think they are too big.

Or wanting to slim down, to lose mass, and then thinking, "Gee, if I lose fat, there goes my hips and breasts!."

Or the thought that I'd be "faking" it one day or another, as if the girl in me decided to take a nap at the wrong time.

And there's the basic intrinsic fear of being seen as a man in woman's clothes.

I'm a stop myself now

I have started to become obsessed with my hands and feet =/, they feel so damn big . Although they look female lookswise (smooth soft skin and nice nails) actually many girls would love to have my nails. But still.. The damn size .


The other concern is my head, recently I have been standing in front of the mirror and examined it and it seems to get bigger every time . Hopefully that feeling will go away because its not funny to walk around feeling like having a "hot air baloon head".


And one thing has started to creep into my mind.. Will my wife stand being with me during and after my transition? She likes penetration during sex and that scares me, because from what I have heard the "thing" downstairs will be U/S after a while on hormones. I love her very much and if I loose her it will be a hard blow indeed.

Otherwise I am fine even living without any sexual desires at all, living as a man has made me sick of it! I just want to enjoy life.

That my "nipple boobs" will stay this size forever.

I guess... That no one will ever love me? I already knew I had this fear though, so I don't think it counts.

Quote from: Carolina1983 on December 19, 2011, 08:20:39 AM
I have started to become obsessed with my hands and feet =/, they feel so damn big . Although they look female lookswise (smooth soft skin and nice nails) actually many girls would love to have my nails. But still.. The damn size .

I feel you, sis... I've been feeling self-conscious about my hands lately. If only they were smaller.

fear of being alone and having to fight for my life

I'm afraid of waking up in an ER after an accident and finding they've labeled me a woman.

I'm afraid that one of the places I've applied will flag me for an "integrity error" due to listing my gender/sex as male, despite having my DL and Passport displaying the proper marker.

I'm afraid that after I finish school I'll be unemployed/not employable in my chosen field due to my transition.

I'm afraid that someday I'll settle for second best (partner, job, home town) just to feel safe and secure rather than pursuing my dreams.

Wow, that was actually useful to write out. Thanks for starting this thread.

Quote from: ameline on December 19, 2011, 02:22:13 PM
I'm afraid of waking up in an ER after an accident and finding they've labeled me a woman.

I'm afraid that one of the places I've applied will flag me for an "integrity error" due to listing my gender/sex as male, despite having my DL and Passport displaying the proper marker.

I'm afraid that after I finish school I'll be unemployed/not employable in my chosen field due to my transition.

I'm afraid that someday I'll settle for second best (partner, job, home town) just to feel safe and secure rather than pursuing my dreams.

Wow, that was actually useful to write out. Thanks for starting this thread.

mhm thank you for sharing.

Totally Unsuspected - It's going too easy. Way too easy considering my pre-jurasaic age, 6ft tall, deep voice, and living amongst the hicks. Even more scary when taking into consideration twice before in my 20's I said "No way can I pass".

Basically, freaked out to the point of having to stop and take a very very deep breath 

As an ftm, my hips. I kinda like them. They feel good. But the further I masculinize, the weirder they look. I'm starting to feel bad about them, to feel they'll keep me from passing and being who I am.

Anyway, that's something I didn't see coming.

I've been thinking more and more about my height lately. Makes me insecure and annoyed knowing a lot of straight cis-women really care about how tall a man is. Idk how I'll handle this. I'm not even 5 feet tall

Quote from: Torn1990 on December 18, 2011, 09:57:58 PM
  As I get closer to starting the hormone process (december 27th) I've been realizing i have alot of fears i never knew I had.
I'm starting to become extremely nervous about the way I might smell and things like that and if my boyfriend will find me appealing anymore.
I'm scared of how he will perceive me sexually and physically while my body is adjusting to HRT.
I am also realizing my chance to ever identify as a gay male is leaving. I never have identified as a gay male, which is the strange part of this fear.

What kind of unsuspecting fears have you had if any?

i feared things like becoming female and being treated like one was going to make me a second class and less valuable person. people do treat you differently as a male/female. whatever they take you as, there's definate differences, but i feel like things have changed in that nature. i eventually learned to see that i still retained myself even through transition. it was a growing process, but it's what society thinks that is the only difference. i feel like overall, i'm treated more like a queen compared to how it was as a boy.