I have a serious question regarding how to live as the opposite gender without hormones, name changes, or surgery? Because the fact of the matter is, I most likely will never be able to afford any of the steps toward transition no matter what I do. I'll never have the money for insurance, to see doctors, or shrinks, change my name or anything else. I of course want to fully transition, but I don't realistically see it being possible. But I have heard of people who haven't taken any medical steps towards transition who get to live full time as their desired gender. I just wonder how on earth they get away with it, why are they allowed to do it, because I'm sure as hell not allowed to give my preferred name for anything, or request of others to refer to me as male. I HAVE to give my legal name for everything. I HAVE to tell people I'm female. I HAVE to accept everyone calling me by my legal name and referring to me as female. I have no choice. So how come other people get to live as they want to but I can't? How do you do it?

No one GETS to live as their chosen gender.  You just do and you don't need any sign offs at all.  Sure certain documents can't be changed, but we all have to face that.  I will NEVER be able to change my birth certificate and my license can't be changed until full surgery.  But that doesn't stop me from living as I really am.

Why do you have to tell people you are female?  Who is even asking?  But, it isn't a bad idea to make sure your doctors know so they can provide the proper care.  Even if you have to fill out the forms for work with gender why does it matter to your co-workers?  They can't see that form can they?

I know a local trans-woman who has never bothered to change her name (after several years) and still everyone calls her what she wants.  Sure her cosmetology license says X and they call her Y, but most places are fairly accommodating.

However why don't you at least change your legal name.  It isn't that expensive compared to everything else and surely  you could save $10-$20 a month toward it?

There's a massive gulf for some of us between what we want, what we can do at all, and what we can successfully accomplish.  Coming out to the people in your day-to-day life is a thing you can do.  You can request that your preferred name and pronouns be used.  You can't escape using your legal name for legal documents and even if you change your name legally, there are times you must list your name assigned at birth for the sake of matching records from when you were using that name.  Even if you request that people respect your gender identity, some might not, but there will also almost certainly be some who will.

There's no strict guide to being trans.  You just need to figure out what you want, what you can do, how you can accomplish what you want in the future, and how to deal with the aspects of the present that upset you.

My response might seem flippant. But I assure you, it's intended as a serious attempt to offer you some food for thought.

I live as the opposite gender and have done so, most of my life. I was raised this way, as a male. No hormones. No treatment.

All that is lacking is the opportunity and the courage/guts/opportunity/self worth to live in the correct gender.

I'll just say that for me, it is getting increasingly difficult to live as a male, but living happily as a female seems to impossible right now . . .

I'll start out by saying I live in Australia, which does make a difference for a few things..

I'm seeing a therapist and I'm on HRT.. However, I haven't done a legal name change yet.. My friends and family all call me Kelly, not my old name, as well as getting pronouns right (mostly). I also have to deal with several government departments, all of whom will use the name Kelly when calling me or during appointments.. Actual legal documents are still in my old name..

You are not really obliged to tell people anything, in general.. Whether it be your gender or not.. Why can't you ask people to refer to you as your preferred name or gender? I did, even before I started HRT, and no one seemed to have an issue with it..  And when people refer to me by my 'legal' name, I simply ignore them or give them an odd look..

Seems the real roadblock here is you and your attitude.. Ask the questions, make a statement.. You may well be surprised at the results.. I sure was..

That's a difficult question to answer. I don't pass, but I did live for a while under my male name while my name wasn't legally changed. Just have to tell everyone what you prefer. If you pass it should be less of a problem.

I do pass, for the most part, with most strangers. But then again, this is a small town, and a lot of people know me and refuse to call me by my preferred name or refer to me as a guy. So I really don't get what I want. I have to say I'm female all the time, because everyone will argue and refuse to accept anything male in regard to me.

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you don't give any clue to us about age or location so that limits our options.

but when things get too much you have to do something about it as no-one else will.

if there genuinely is no help in your town then you have to figure out how to move to where you can get help or move on with life.

been there and done it and it felt good to live as me.

surf around for help in your nearest big towns and then see which fast food joint needs help to get money to be independent.

Quote from: hwytoaster on December 19, 2011, 03:59:08 PM
I have a serious question regarding how to live as the opposite gender without hormones, name changes, or surgery? Because the fact of the matter is, I most likely will never be able to afford any of the steps toward transition no matter what I do. I'll never have the money for insurance, to see doctors, or shrinks, change my name or anything else. I of course want to fully transition, but I don't realistically see it being possible. But I have heard of people who haven't taken any medical steps towards transition who get to live full time as their desired gender. I just wonder how on earth they get away with it, why are they allowed to do it, because I'm sure as hell not allowed to give my preferred name for anything, or request of others to refer to me as male. I HAVE to give my legal name for everything. I HAVE to tell people I'm female. I HAVE to accept everyone calling me by my legal name and referring to me as female. I have no choice. So how come other people get to live as they want to but I can't? How do you do it?

I did it because I just DID IT. You don't have to ask permission. You can't because you haven't. It's really that simple.

Honestly tho a name change is NOT expensive and most states you can do it yourself. That said I lived full time for almost a year before my name change was final. I mostly paid cash for stuff to avoid the issues of "You aren't *blank*, he has to sign for this." crap. I am a VERY extroverted person and have a lot of self confidence as well as a thick skin. I'm sure all that helped.

I've been trying this no hormones, no surgery and not even binders, and it sort of works for me. But I have an advantage of looking kind of androgynous anyway. Also having a name that could be shortened to a gender neutral name (alex) which works well. I started identifying more as alex even though I don't have a legal name change, and identify as masculine or male to people that accept it but there's plenty that don't.  I also changed my wardrobe almost completely to mens clothes and that's all I almost ever wear now. Got a short haircut too, work out more now so my arms and legs are more muscular. And use guy's deodorant etc, but I've always done that. A lot of people kind of know I'm female so I've played with the idea of calling myself a female crossdresser instead, but I can say it's a definite improvement over before dressing in women's clothes and allowing everyone to call me female and just feeling awkward all the time. It's kind of half and half. I do a little more stuff that's masculine identified than before too, and have changed my personality a bit but it's tough to unlearn some of the feminine side that I always was sort of a part of before, but never fully.

Here is my two cents - Just be who you are and be happy with yourself. I might not be the right person to give advice but it really is nobody's business but your own that you feel that way. I mean I think to be happy as a woman why do you have to have surgery and take hormones? I mean that helps if you want to feel like a woman but if you are a woman then you can be one. I say just be happy with you really are and everything will work itself out. I guess I could also take my own advice as well.

You don't say where you live, hwytoaster, but in the USA it is entirely legal to go by any name you choose, with the probable exception of the name on your driver's license and social security card. However, you can open a bank account, get a credit card and almost anything else as any name you choose as long as you do not do it to commit a crime. A lot of people don't seem to know this.

It's actually not very difficult or expensive to change your legal name, either. I think it's like a ten dollar filing or fee or something (in the US). Gender change is another situation, of course. That is probably something you'll have to put up with, at least for now. I don't know your whole situation, but I've not run across many people who can "never" get gender therapy or make a transition if they really want to. Perhaps I'm wrong, but this sounds a bit like your current frustration talking rather than a fact. Things can be done if we really, really want them.

As for lifestyle change, I don't think it's that hard for many people. I can't remember the last time I had to show anyone my driver's license. If you can put together a masculine look (and most genetic females can, I think) just start doing it. Tell friends your name is Bob (or whatever) now. If they don't accept that, they probably weren't your friends to begin with. New friend time.

I think what you need to do the most right now is to list for yourself exactly what activities or appearance changes are most important (and least important) to you regarding gender. Consider how you might do those things without a complete life and body transition. Work though them one at a time. I suspect you can achieve a good deal of satisfation if you do this. One thing being TG really requires is a good deal of creativity. Design your own life. It's kind of fun once you get started.