My mom doesn't want me to transition.  She was so upset when I told her that I was trans and a year and a half later, she still won't talk to me about it much.   I haven't even asked her to use male pronouns or my male name yet.  Logically I know I shouldn't feel guilty about being trans and wanting to transition.  But of course emotions don't listen to any line of logic.  So I feel really bad about how this affects my mom (and other family members, but the rest of them haven't been as upset about it).  And once I'm able to actually start T, I will probably feel even guiltier about it.  It would make my mom so happy if I could just "forget" all about this.  I can only repress it for so long though before it bounces back.  Anyone else dealt with feeling guilty about transitioning?

Hey there,

I'm in a similar situation. In fact, my mom had me feeling SO guilty I wondered if I should transition at all! I think, for me anyway, it boils down to what I want. It's taken me a long time, but I realize now that my mom does not have any right over my body and her guilt is hers to deal with. I don't know what kind-of situation you have so I'm not really going to give advice on what to do here, but I'd just remember that it's YOUR body and you have a right to it. Transition is something that is for you. Not for her. I'd do my best to remember that and do it when you're ready and able.

For about 5 seconds and then I realized I can't live my life for other people.  It was her decision to have me not my decision to be born so I need to do what I have to do to take care of me and if our relationship suffers so be it.  But our relationship is doing ok.  Maybe not as strong as it once was (I'd say it hasn't diminished, just that I feel a lot more awkward around her) but a lot better than it is for some other guys and their moms. I feel your relationship will be even worse if you try to suppress yourself for her because you will resent her for seemingly forcing you to do that.

My mom has started coming around a little more, at least in the way she acts when we are in public together the further into transition I have gotten and because I stood up for myself to her when she belittled me and still do if necessary.

I did for a while. Being in college I have more space to gain the positive reinforcement of supportive friends in between working with family. I would recommend reading  the book "Trans Forming Families". I bought it for my mom for Christmas and read it first. It really helped me understand the grief she was going through with "losing" her daughter. She and I have reached a point where she knows she needs to spend time with Andrew to get used to the change, but she is trying now she knows why I can't not transition.

Thanks y'all.  I wish I could get her to understand why I have to transition.  At this point, she won't read anything trans-related, she'll barely even talk about it with me.  Maybe once I start transition, she'll see it's not as bad as she thinks.  At least she's still talking to me at all so I guess there's still hope.

I can totally relate.  But I think it all has to do with perspective.
When I first came out, I first came out to my aunt and uncle.  and they basically told me to stay in the closet for the rest of my life for safety because people will not accept me and I'll just end up raped and killed (they referred me to the movie Boys Don't Cry). 
And while I knew what they said wasn't true, I still felt absolutely no confidence to come out to anyone else ever again.

But then I did.
Little by little I started telling more and more people, and I've been receiving great responses, from my friends, other relatives, and my schools.  And it's really given me a lot more confidence to be open about it and come out to more people.

I don't know who all in your life you are out to, but maybe take baby steps.  Maybe come out to more and more people in your life.  And eventually everyone will know.  and people will talk about it in front of your mom.  and she will be forced to faced reality.  Maybe have friends come over to your house who use your male name and male pronouns.  and your mom will hear them using it. 

And I don't know how close you are to 18, the day when you can start T without your mom's approval.

How twisted is it that the fact that my family doesn't love me makes it easy for me to come out and transition? I don't think I envy you guys. I don't know what to say.

I sorta did because I know both my mom and my brother would have prefern a girl.