Everyone here says to get a gender therapist if you aren't sure. The question is what kind of gender therapist is best?

I'm wondering what is standard and effective in gender therapy these days for those not 100% sure of their direction.

My current therapist encourages me to try whatever I like such as going out dressed, getting voice lessons, etc. She seems to be more of a coach than someone who is helping to provide deep introspection about my gender issues. She is very highly thought of by many people and I'm generally comfortable working with her. I'm also a deeply analytical person. 

I'm wondering if her approach is the best or if some other method could help clarify some of this.

I think, though others with more experience may correct me, that many therapists personalize therapy and leave you in control of the direction it takes.

I think you might be over analyzing this part of the equation, in the sense that maybe you have to do the introspection on your own time, and then bring your problems / thoughts from it to your therapist.

Then again I tend to be independent, where you may be craving direction.  But I do think you'll find your way

As far as what is best for you, that's for you to figure out .

Embla

I'm not really craving direction. I'm just wondering if the experiential method is the best way to figure it out vs some form of deeper psychological therapy.

No therapist is going to be able to tell you what to do, and any that try are not one I would personally see.  Only you can know what is right for you, a therapist cannot tell you that.  Trial and error is what many of us have to endure to know what is best.  A therapist can only offer a map; which path you walk is entirely in your hands.

Quote from: stldrmgrl on December 20, 2011, 04:28:41 PM
No therapist is going to be able to tell you what to do, and any that try are not one I would personally see.  Only you can know what is right for you, a therapist cannot tell you that.  Trial and error is what many of us have to endure to know what is best.  A therapist can only offer a map; which path you walk is entirely in your hands.

My therapist seems to be supporting exactly that: trial and error. She doesn't probe my past much mostly focuses on the future occasionally giving an opinion about me.

Well, you are paying your therapist for guidance, so if you feel she is not fulfilling this, by all means you need to let her know.
If you feel she is just not right for you, then perhaps seeking a new [gender] therapist would be an ideal [possible] solution.

Quote from: stldrmgrl on December 21, 2011, 05:05:16 PM
Well, you are paying your therapist for guidance, so if you feel she is not, by all means you need to let her know.  If you feel she is just not right for you, then perhaps seeking a new [gender] therapist would be an ideal [possible] solution.

I don't have a particular negative opinion of her. It is mostly positive.  She is very supportive and open. I'm just curious what it is that successful gender therapists are generally doing and how they are doing it.  In my case, I define success as figuring out where I fit in the "gender spectrum."

Quote from: Vanora on December 21, 2011, 05:25:44 PM
I don't have a particular negative opinion of her. It is mostly positive.  She is very supportive and open. I'm just curious what it is that successful gender therapists are generally doing and how they are doing it.  In my case, I define success as figuring out where I fit in the "gender spectrum."

Where do you feel you fit in the gender spectrum?

Quote from: stldrmgrl on December 21, 2011, 05:31:58 PM
Where do you feel you fit in the gender spectrum?

Somewhere in the middle but with persistent low to mid level gender dysphoria, never suicidal but usually distracted and sometimes significantly so. 

Quote from: Vanora on December 21, 2011, 05:25:44 PM
In my case, I define success as figuring out where I fit in the "gender spectrum."

Quote from: Vanora on December 21, 2011, 06:28:59 PM
Somewhere in the middle but with persistent low to mid level gender dysphoria, never suicidal but usually distracted and sometimes significantly so.

You've just succeeded in this aspect.  Only you can know where in the gender spectrum you fit; there is no right or wrong answer, and you certainly do not need to remain within the binary.  Terminology merely exists for organizational purposes; it offers no insight or aid in counteracting the dysphoria, thus I would not worry about the "proper term" identifying where you fit.

Let me ask you, when your dysphoria is at its worst, what bothers you the most and what do you feel you [could] do to counteract it?

Quote from: stldrmgrl on December 21, 2011, 07:40:08 PM
Let me ask you, when your dysphoria is at its worst, what bothers you the most and what do you feel you [could] do to counteract it?

I'm not sure what bothers me the most.  I guess that I'm not presenting as a woman in public.  I notice it most when I am out where there are a lot of women around.  I'm not sure how to counteract it.  Going out dressed seems to help.  I'm not full time but get out when I can.

Quote from: Vanora on December 21, 2011, 09:01:45 PM
I'm not sure what bothers me the most.  I guess that I'm not presenting as a woman in public.  I notice it most when I am out where there are a lot of women around.  I'm not sure how to counteract it.  Going out dressed seems to help.  I'm not full time but get out when I can.

During the times when the dysphoria is at its lowest, how would you rate your contentment with having male characteristics and presenting as male, say on a scale of 1-10 (1 being highly uncomfortable; 10 being just fine)?  As well, to as far back as you can remember in comparison to now, has the dysphoria progressively gotten stronger over time, remained relatively the same or weakened?

I apologize for the many questions.  I assure you there is a reason for them.

Quote from: stldrmgrl on December 21, 2011, 09:24:31 PM
During the times when the dysphoria is at its lowest, how would you rate your contentment with having male characteristics and presenting as male, say on a scale of 1-10 (1 being highly uncomfortable; 10 being just fine)?  As well, to as far back as you can remember in comparison to now, has the dysphoria progressively gotten stronger over time, remained relatively the same or weakened?

I apologize for the many questions.  I assure you there is a reason for them.

No worries on the questions! When the dysphoria is at its lowest, I am mostly content as male say 8 out of 10. I'm not a macho guy put a pretty cool slightly nerdy intellectual guy. The dysphoria has gotten stronger and is present much more frequently so these 8 out of 10 moments are fewer and farther between.

Quote from: Vanora on December 21, 2011, 09:32:37 PM
No worries on the questions! When the dysphoria is at its lowest, I am mostly content as male say 8 out of 10. I'm not a macho guy put a pretty cool slightly nerdy intellectual guy. The dysphoria has gotten stronger and is present much more frequently so these 8 out of 10 moments are fewer and farther between.

So, what do you think?  What do you feel is necessary to begin counteracting the dysphoria?

Quote from: stldrmgrl on December 21, 2011, 09:38:20 PM
So, what do you think?  What do you feel is necessary to begin counteracting the dysphoria?

I feel like I need to be a woman. But I don't know what that means exactly. I know dressing and going out helps.  I wonder if HRT would help. 

Quote from: Vanora on December 21, 2011, 09:54:52 PM
I feel like I need to be a woman. But I don't know what that means exactly. I know dressing and going out helps.  I wonder if HRT would help.

Hun, there is no set definition of what it means to be a woman.  We are all unique and diverse, offering different perspectives, characteristics and personalities.  Gaining a clear understanding of who you are takes time, and I do not feel it exclusively enables the ability to know what you want.

I think it is important to remember that transition is molded around each of us individually.  What works for one person may not for another.  Some who experience high levels of dysphoria tend to want to pursue certain things within their transition that someone who may be experiencing lower levels of dysphoria does not, and quite possibly vice versa.  My point is, don't feel pressured into an assumption that you must do this or that within your transition for it to be acceptable or "credible" (as sadly, some people do operate with the "trannier than thou" mindset).  Do only as much as you feel is required to counteract the dysphoria to the point where you are comfortable.  I cannot say whether hormone replacement therapy is right for you; I cannot say anything is right for you in terms of transitioning or transition in itself for that matter.  The only thing I can say without a doubt that all of us with gender identity disorder should remember, is to remain honest and open with, as well as accepting of ourselves.  I do recommend, however, that if you feel hormone replacement therapy may be something worth trying, then perhaps you may want to bring it up with your therapist next time you have a session.

This is as much as I can offer you in terms of guidance and advice, I'm afraid.  I hope I have helped in some way or another.  Oh, and by the way, re-reading through your responses to my questions, I think perhaps you've made some sense of your gender identity "confusion"    You had many of the answers all along, my friend.  The rest, I am confident, will be revealed in due time.  Best of luck, and no worries! 

Quote from: stldrmgrl on December 22, 2011, 01:33:05 AM
I cannot say anything is right for you in terms of transitioning or transition in itself for that matter.  The only thing I can say without a doubt that all of us with gender identity disorder should remember, is to remain honest and open with, as well as accepting of ourselves.  I do recommend, however, that if you feel hormone replacement therapy may be something worth trying, then perhaps you may want to bring it up with your therapist next time you have a session.

Oh, and by the way, re-reading through your responses to my questions, I think perhaps you've made some sense of your gender identity "confusion"    You had many of the answers all along, my friend.  The rest, I am confident, will be revealed in due time.  Best of luck, and no worries! 

Thanks! I have already begun discussing a trial HRT period with my therapist and she thinks it is acceptable. Beyond that it seems I just need to keep exploring.   It is hard to be honest with and accepting of ourselves. That's a challenge that takes time.

Quote from: Vanora on December 22, 2011, 06:54:59 AM
Thanks! I have already begun discussing a trial HRT period with my therapist and she thinks it is acceptable. Beyond that it seems I just need to keep exploring.   It is hard to be honest with and accepting of ourselves. That's a challenge that takes time.

Exploring can be one of the greatest experiences of a journey    Not always knowing your way is quite alright; that's why we attend therapy.  The therapist can offer you a map and offer to be there [in some aspects] to steer you if you drift off course.  Your destination does not yet exist on this map, thus the therapist cannot tell you how to get there.  Perhaps on your first attempt, you will choose the path that leads you to what you seek, or perhaps you will need to try different paths to get there (this is all metaphorically speaking, of course).

Trial and error, I feel, is not all that "misguided" (if you will) of an approach; it is merely a method allowing you to discover and get to know yourself.  Confidence is most definitely a necessity in order to maintain motivation throughout life's journeys; and while nervousness and a smidgen of doubt may also be present, it does not need to lead you.  Being honest and accepting of one's self does take time, but with confidence, it can most definitely be achieved 

Quote from: stldrmgrl on December 22, 2011, 01:41:22 PM
Exploring can be one of the greatest experiences of a journey    Not always knowing your way is quite alright; that's why we attend therapy.  The therapist can offer you a map and offer to be there [in some aspects] to steer you if you drift off course.  Your destination does not yet exist on this map, thus the therapist cannot tell you how to get there.  Perhaps on your first attempt, you will choose the path that leads you to what you seek, or perhaps you will need to try different paths to get there (this is all metaphorically speaking, of course).

Trial and error, I feel, is not all that "misguided" (if you will) of an approach; it is merely a method allowing you to discover and get to know yourself.  Confidence is most definitely a necessity in order to maintain motivation throughout life's journeys; and while nervousness and a smidgen of doubt may also be present, it does not need to lead you.  Being honest and accepting of one's self does take time, but with confidence, it can most definitely be achieved 

That makes a lot of sense and seems to be what the therapist is doing. So now I think I have a better understanding of the process 

I dont think a trial period og HRT will help anything apart from further complicating a person's thoughts about being TS/TG.

Depending on the age of the person the HRT time may set them to an unnatural choice of presentation the way that a spell in a seminary, jail, convent or single-sex school will make many people experience feelings of LBGTGness that are based on the pheromone laden atmosphere triggering same-sex attraction rather than because their brains are set to TGness.

And if a person is genuinely TS/TG then a faster better test period would be to say trying crossdressing and socialising with the group/milieu that seems most appealing and natural.

Like likes like and likedar quickly accepts or rejects non-likes as can be seen at any LGBT venue/group/club.