I'd like to set him on fire and watch him explode, but is this healthy?  What do trans women do with the anger, the loathing, the sickness, the fear, the horror, the misery, the bitterness, the hatred of their male faces, bodies, and lives?  How can I become this new person if I can't make peace with James first?   

I've never been manly so I've never been a man, just a girl in a male body.

But you don't have to "make peace" with your former self, just do what you gotta do to transition and things will fall into place.

the day after I chnaged my nameand told everyone I was transitioning I had a bonfire of all the male stuff and felt that was the end of him.

Hmm are'nt you really still one and the same?of course the outside changes..but its not like 2 diiferent people inside is it?ive always thought its more like im playing a part pretending to be normal to everyone else

I love my male self and miss him. He was such an awesome guy.....

He taught me a lesson and that you can't deny who you once were and made me a much stronger person. He still lives inside of me.

Quote from: sysm29 on December 22, 2011, 02:26:51 AMHow can I become this new person if I can't make peace with James first?   

You can't. You need to self accept who you once were and use that person to elevate who you are now.

I haven't started my physical transition but I certainly don't hate my male self. What I hate is my male characteristics. This person is me - but just not the reflection of me that I'd like. I may have a different viewpoint but I never understood the 'bonfire' concept. I don't like being male but it'd be like destroying a major part of my life. I've been in this body for 20 years. I'd like it different but it is still mine. And I am still me.

I wasn't technically a man before transition.

I was cute ghey boy that listened to too much pop.
But i liked him, he left me something nice to work with.

Quote from: JoeyD on December 22, 2011, 03:53:53 AM
I wasn't technically a man before transition.

I was cute ghey boy that listened to too much pop.
But i liked him, he left me something nice to work with.

I wasn't much of a ghey "man" either...I was one of the girls, always.

In a way... yes! I hate him. He kept me locked away and hidden from the world. Yet, He did his best to protect me from harm. He was a good man and I know that many people miss him. But, John couldn't stand to keep me locked up anymore. And so he gently took my hand, stepped aside and let me free.
There was a sad look in his eyes when he did so. For he knew that I would be taking a very hard path in life. He knew that we would lose family and friends. And it hurt us both dearly. But he also knew that I would go on with his strength and stubborn determination. And I would forever be myself.
That's my romantic way of looking at it. ^_^

No! I would NEVER want to hate him, but rather hug and comfort him. Really would.
This was one sad, valiant person that tried soooooo, so hard.
I have tears in my eyes when I say that. Just one misgendered person that didn't really cut it in the male world, much as she tried.
I'd do better as a hard nosed bitch in the same environment these days - pretty sure, when I say that.

Axélle
PS: If I'd meat some male like him I might just would want to be his friend... maybe more, who knows.

No, gratitude that he managed to survive long enough for Karen to be born. He lives in another country called the past, that Karen emigrated from a couple of years ago.  He's not dead, just gone away.

Quote from: lauren3 on December 22, 2011, 03:35:50 AM
I haven't started my physical transition but I certainly don't hate my male self. What I hate is my male characteristics. This person is me - but just not the reflection of me that I'd like. I may have a different viewpoint but I never understood the 'bonfire' concept. I don't like being male but it'd be like destroying a major part of my life. I've been in this body for 20 years. I'd like it different but it is still mine. And I am still me.

This is a good way at looking at it; after transition you'll still be you, there never was a "male you" in regards to yourself, just a male body. You don't have to disregard who you are before transition just because the outside looks different. I know I'm still the exact same person I was, just that the rest of society can see who I am and that myself can see the body reflect the inside.

A couple days ago I was looking at pics of me before transition when I was like 15 years old. It felt so weird. It was as if I was looking at a completely different person. Well, I guess I am now.

I just think to myself: the man you is amazing - he got you far enough through life that it was finally safe for the woman to wake up and take over.

So I have retired him with full honours . Occasionally, I use his teeshirts for nightwear, because girls do that .

I LIKE MEN but, in detesting "sex as a gay male", just gotta figure out what it takes to get them to better like me too!

My reply to "Braid", a forever grumpy 'ole co-worker who finally demanded of me "get a haircut, you look like a girl" . . .

"Well BRAID! I quess as long as YOU don't find me An Attractive Girl then we really don't 'ave a prob do we"? (lol for sure!)

I thought I made a great guy I looked really good in a suit too!

The thing is, I don't think I am a different person. I am still "him" (I don't really refer to pre-hormones as someone else).

I just see me as the same person... but evolving forward a little bit by enhancing my body and mind with estrogen.

 I actually work from the perspective that i have always been in a woman's body, it's just a different type of body.

I don't hate anyone. I had to carefully weigh out the two genders, and for the mission I'm on, it's more appropriate to be a girl.

I do not hate my "male" self; he is still around and always will be.

I think it is a bit harsh to state you completely hate your male self, as without it, you would not exist 

I do strongly dislike the majority of my male characteristics, however.  Nonetheless, as Mahsa and others have said, peace can only be found by accepting who you were and incorporating that into who you are now.

I'm the same person I was before, my interests have not changed at all. All that's changed is that I'm a bit more open and comfortable about myself.

It's just my physical body that I dislike.