Hello all, my name is Andrea! I'm a 21 year old, M2F Transgendered person. I'm new to Susans but reading your stories and trials have given my the courage to start transitioning. I would like to introduce myself by telling a bit of my story,.
I came to terms with wishing to be a girl about 5 months ago, I sated a new job right before that and I was miserable. I mean the job is not great, but for not having a University degree I get a somewhat decent wage but really good benifits. It was allowing me to start saving to go back to school, I was going to school for computer science and film studies, I want to be a video game developer.
I failed out because I was very depressed, I didn't drink or use drugs but I just couldn't do anything because all I could think about is how I never feel happy, I didn't want to go to class, to do homework, all I wanted to do was just lie there in my bed and go get food from the food court. I let all my exams go and just failed out. Then I sat around for 2 years wanting to kill myself but not because I would not put my Mom through that. So I got a decent job, I really didn't have a reason to want to kill myself any more(at the time I thought me failing out of school was the reason), something I was thinking about doing since highschool.
I have always felt terrible about myself for as long as I remember and I never knew why, I'm somewhat good looking, and I'm smart when it comes to computers and math, not to toot my own horn. One day I was in my room laying there smoked some weed and just asked myself, why? Why did I hate myself so much I wanted to kill myself? Why am I unhappy when I shouldn't be? Then it hit me in the face like a 10 ton load of bricks, Because you're not a girl, silly!That is what I thought to myself. Because you're not a girl, silly! I started to cry becuase I knew that was right immediately. Remembering back I could see things I think are signs now and that only reinforces to me that this is right even more. I also remembered when I was 5 or 6 I saw an episode of The Jeffersons where there was an old war buddy that was Transgendered, I went and asked my mom if I could do that too and she talked me out of it at the time because it was permanent. I think this the first time I really wanted to be a girl.
Now the thought of me as a girl feels so right it is a little scary, but I have no doubt that transitioning is the path to happiness and that I have Gender Dystopia. I wear toenail polish 24/7 right now for 3 months and I wear fingernail polish on the weekends for about 2 months now, I apply lotion after every shower, I started to replace small things with a more feminine style, pink tooth brush, feminine shampoo, things like that when I need a replacement, I feel so much more at ease with my self doing those little things I can't wait till I'm fully transitioned. I'm trying to ease out the start of my transition because I have not come out to my roommates, 4 guys, but they must suspect with the nail polish and the pink toothbrush. When they come back in the new year I will be coming out to them. I plan on starting to transitioning at home starting Dec 28th, I have my place all to myself till the 2nd! I hope to get a good start on my rituals that I will need to do to give me much more feminine skin and start practising my mannerisms and voice in private before I lose some of the privacy.
Thank you for reading my introduction, I'm sorry if I rambled a bit or being to long, this was my first time really expressing how I fell about my transition in words.
Hugs, Andrea!
