Why is it that men must link intimacy with sex? lol

As my sex drive slowly declines over 2 months I've been on hormones, I find myself just wanting to cuddle with the guys I have brought home from the bars so far - unfortunately, they all just want to shove their cocks up my ortifices, heh.

Do I have to become a lesbian to find intimacy with someone in bed? heh

Quote from: MsDazzler on December 23, 2011, 09:43:04 PM
Why is it that men must link intimacy with sex?

Rhetorical, perhaps?

If you are one to identify and accept having a prior 'male' side, so to speak; rather specifically referring to having once possessed male levels of testosterone and having portrayed stereotypical male behavior in relation to intimacy and sex, one might suggest this question could be answered by the very person asking it, thus in turn not really requiring a contributing answer elsewhere.  "Been there, done that" perhaps a relevant phrase to summarize this, I believe.  Keep in mind that this statement is in no way intended to imply applicability to you or anyone else for that matter.

Regardless, I am confident in time you will find someone.  Browsing in other areas aside from bars might offer better chances, no?  I do not typically go to bars, thus I cannot entirely comment on the overall sexual demeanor of the individuals that frequent them, but I do imagine it is more of a sex seeking environment as opposed to seeking intimacy; though this is merely speculation.

I've never understood the link.

Just cuddling and talking is so much more intimate than sex. I could easily go without sex my whole life if I had someone to hold at night, someone I could talk to about anything and feel completely safe with. Any enjoyment I'd get from sex would come solely from satisfying my partner's need for it.

Because they're guys you've brought home from bars, what do you expect? If you want cuddling you have to become friends first. I'd be pretty freaked out if a girl brought me home from a bar/club to just cuddle. My first area of interest would be the fridge.

Quote from: MsDazzler on December 23, 2011, 09:43:04 PM
Do I have to become a lesbian to find intimacy with someone in bed? heh

You think lesbians take girls home from bars to cuddle? Keep dreaming, love.

Quote from: 8888 on December 24, 2011, 06:22:01 AM
Because they're guys you've brought home from bars, what do you expect? If you want cuddling you have to become friends first. I'd be pretty freaked out if a girl brought me home from a bar/club to just cuddle. My first area of interest would be the fridge.

Why the fridge? lol

Quote from: stldrmgrl on December 24, 2011, 12:06:25 AM
Rhetorical, perhaps?

If you are one to identify and accept having a prior 'male' side, so to speak; rather specifically referring to having once possessed male levels of testosterone and having portrayed stereotypical male behavior in relation to intimacy and sex, one might suggest this question could be answered by the very person asking it, thus in turn not really requiring a contributing answer elsewhere.  "Been there, done that" perhaps a relevant saying to summarize this, I believe.  Keep in mind that this statement is in no way intended to imply applicability to you or anyone else for that matter.

Regardless, I am confident in time you will find someone.  Browsing in other areas aside from bars might offer better chances, no?  I do not typically go to bars, thus I cannot entirely comment on the overall sexual demeanor of the individuals that frequent them, but I do imagine it is more of a sex seeking environment as opposed to seeking intimacy; though this is merely speculation.

Actually, even when I was presenting as a gay male, I still preferred cuddling, kissing, and whatnout over straight-out sex.

I was doing some research on the Internet about the male sexual response - very interesting how evolution designed men to value orgasm over intimacy and women intimacy over orgasm, lol

I'd like to say it's testosterone and male sexual urges / arousal at work.  Maybe a rhetorical question indeed.  I know I suffer from the linkage of sex to intimacy, trying to break it, but it's hard pre-hrt.  Now men in love, I think, will value physical / emotional intimacy, but that takes a long time.

Yes, the phrase "been there, done that" that someone else brought up might apply to my thoughts as well.

As far as "men" in general, I think some men have better self control and know what the lady wants (slow build up) .  Or at least I can dream   

Yea, I am definitely in the "I am pretty happy with cuddles and kisses " category...

But, I actually think this type of "adolescent" mentality is pretty unique to trans people (at least at ages 20+). Of course, the reason is from the pills we take... ((not saying that it is bad, just how it is for a lot of us)).

Then, on the other side of things, I definitely know how it was to be a guy. How frisky they can get and how the drive for more than just kissing can get pretty powerful. I totally don't blame them for this, it is just how they are (and I wouldn't want them different! I think it is fun when they are like that)... so, they can have what they want, if they start doing more my feelings and friskyness can keep up

But, the main thing for me is I gotta know there is still intimacy. They gotta know I am still there (as more than just a body)... if they aren't texting me or contacting me the next day (or even after they go home that night)... I start to get upset and feel like there was no intimacy and I was just a warm body for them. ((If a few minutes after finishing they go "oh, I better head off"... it would be over, permanently)).

Basically, I see it as a give and take type of thing. They want more physical... sure... but I want more intimacy... so they can have what they want, but they better fill my needs too (which means things like no suddenly leaving after getting frisky, messages to know they think of me, support and talk besides just sex stuff....).

I think that is how a relationship works... a give and take type of thing...

Quote from: stldrmgrl on December 24, 2011, 12:06:25 AM
Rhetorical, perhaps?

If you are one to identify and accept having a prior 'male' side, so to speak; rather specifically referring to having once possessed male levels of testosterone and having portrayed stereotypical male behavior in relation to intimacy and sex, one might suggest this question could be answered by the very person asking it, thus in turn not really requiring a contributing answer elsewhere.  "Been there, done that" perhaps a relevant phrase to summarize this, I believe.  Keep in mind that this statement is in no way intended to imply applicability to you or anyone else for that matter.

Regardless, I am confident in time you will find someone.  Browsing in other areas aside from bars might offer better chances, no?  I do not typically go to bars, thus I cannot entirely comment on the overall sexual demeanor of the individuals that frequent them, but I do imagine it is more of a sex seeking environment as opposed to seeking intimacy; though this is merely speculation.

Wow Girl waht an inspire and superbly articulated post, righ on the money ! Nothing to add + 100

Quote from: Sarah7 on December 24, 2011, 08:02:55 AM
You think lesbians take girls home from bars to cuddle? Keep dreaming, love.

The thing with lesbians is  that it can be hard to tell what is foreplay and what is sex.  Or whether there is actually much difference.
All I know is I am not getting much of either!  Having someone to cuddle would be a big step forward.

Karen.

Quote from: justmeinoz on December 24, 2011, 10:07:49 PM
The thing with lesbians is  that it can be hard to tell what is foreplay and what is sex.  Or whether there is actually much difference.
All I know is I am not getting much of either!  Having someone to cuddle would be a big step forward.

Karen.

http://mycdn.theexcitantgroup.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/lesbian-sex-flowchart1.jpg

Quote from: Sarah7 on December 24, 2011, 10:50:57 PM
http://mycdn.theexcitantgroup.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/lesbian-sex-flowchart1.jpg

Oh man, is that the one from Autostraddle?  I love that chart.

Quote from: Sarah7 on December 24, 2011, 08:02:55 AM
You think lesbians take girls home from bars to cuddle? Keep dreaming, love.

Not after I leave the bar...I take girls home to bone.

Note: I haven't actually done that yet.

Quote from: 8888 on December 24, 2011, 06:22:01 AM
Because they're guys you've brought home from bars, what do you expect? If you want cuddling you have to become friends first. I'd be pretty freaked out if a girl brought me home from a bar/club to just cuddle. My first area of interest would be the fridge.

Referencing Dahmer?

Quote from: Sarah7 on December 24, 2011, 08:02:55 AM
You think lesbians take girls home from bars to cuddle? Keep dreaming, love.

Well, doesn't the joke go like this - what do lesbians bring on the first date? U-Haul! 

Seriously, though - I think I need to pop more horny goat weed supplements or something or I'll find myself completely devoid of sex AND intimacy, considering men will only give you intimacy after they ve gotten their rocks off, lol.

Quote from: MsDazzler on December 24, 2011, 11:55:55 PM
Well, doesn't the joke go like this - what do lesbians bring on the first date? U-Haul! 

Second date.

Quote from: Wonderdyke on December 24, 2011, 10:57:49 PM
Oh man, is that the one from Autostraddle?  I love that chart.

Yes, I lub it too.

Quote from: MsDazzler on December 24, 2011, 11:55:55 PM
Well, doesn't the joke go like this - what do lesbians bring on the first date? U-Haul! 

Seriously, though - I think I need to pop more horny goat weed supplements or something or I'll find myself completely devoid of sex AND intimacy, considering men will only give you intimacy after they ve gotten their rocks off, lol.

I find women too emotional on the sexual side. I have trouble with my gg friends, much less a lez gg. But of course, I lost my PIV virginity to my ->-bleeped-<- hag and yeah, I was in a world of pain for the last 2 years.

Eeek...

Quote from: Sarah7 on December 25, 2011, 01:04:16 AM
Second date.

Yes, I lub it too.

Autostraddle is probably my go-to site for just about everything.

Seriously, though, my girlfriends and I have all been pretty commitment-paranoid.  I don't know where this U-Haul deal came from. >_>

Sigh....

Women view kissing as intimacy; men view kissing as a prelude to sex.

God, what would I give to just make out with a guy all night long without having to get into the nasty. lol

Quote from: MsDazzler on December 25, 2011, 03:53:43 PM
Sigh....

Women view kissing as intimacy; men view kissing as a prelude to sex.

God, what would I give to just make out with a guy all night long without having to get into the nasty. lol

Um...can't it be both?

Maybe it's just because I'm a big homo, but I actually, yanno, like having a lot of sex.