Hi everyone! I'm Nicole I'm 14 but irl I just identify that way and was born sometime in the 80's. I'm a true girly girl, I love cheerleading, gymnastics, ballet, being hyper, dancing, flirting, and all that other stuff. Anyway, I started my transition about 5 years ago and have had hormones a while, and pass quite well and my voice rocks! Sadly I've had like, zero surgeries :_( No $$$. I've been able to work but I just totally suck at saving and not blowing all my cash as soon as I get it.


TL;DR - Read my list. These are things I really *HAVE* to do to make my life awesome. THey are my goals and I HAVE to do them. There's no option! Tell me what you think and similar dreams and wishes you have, and PLEASE any steps you've taken to accomplish them!
Long version:

I've been stuck on these plans for myself and I'm not really sure what I'm looking for by posting them here, but I'd love to hear any relations anyone might have, ideas, or thoughts!

So pretty much, I've determined that my life will not be "happy, complete, liveable, decent" or whatever other phrase you could think of, until I do these things.

1. Surgery (duh!)
2. Be a cheerleader, in some capacity
3. Go back to school and live the life I should have from the start
4. Drop my old life completely, including friends and family
5. Hook up with and go all the way with a 18+ boy (when I'm a lil older maybe)(even though I feel romantically interested in females)

There's tons of other things but these are the crucial burning ones.

Now, in relation to the school thing. I REALLY like, feel that I will never be satisfied with life unless I was able to get a new identity, move far away, and have "new" parents that raised me as a 14 year old Freshman in high school, and so forth. BUT duh, chances of that actually happening for really reals is mostly that of fantasy stories. HOWEVER, I feel that I would be able to suffice with going back to college.

Here's the kicker though, I have this DREAM. And I say dream because I'm not implying it's something I would actually do for real but lets just say "allegedly" I'd like to do it. I don't want to go back and have everyone think I'm older, but go back with everyone thinking I'm 18 just like they are. I think this is possible in a few different ways and oh it would make me SO uber happy. I'd wanna be a cheerleader of course, and do gymnastics (something I've actually done IRL before and am still like, really flexible).

Okay this is like, become super long! So yeah. I have a dream that I could give myself a new life like this. I MIGHT be able to get by doing it and just not mentioning to anyone my age and stuff. I just want to really live free and know what it's like. Will I be content after that? Who knows! I'm pretty moody sometimes and a lil fiesty. Satisfaction seems harder to come by these days.

My irl parents are both getting pretty old, and are so far disconnected from us younger kids, it'd be so fun to have cooler, young parents, and a life where I can really be who I am!

Is there such thing as people that would "adopt" me as my biological age, and just treat me like I really am? (14) I'm not like, "I wanna be 14 4eva!" haha, I want to grow up, but it's like, I can't start to mature and grow up until I like, go through it you know? You have to crawl befor eyou walk and I just feel so trapped! I see all these people I "grew up with" (haha I never grew up) getting married and having a family now and I couldn't feel More turned off by it! I hang out with younger kids (18-22ish) anyways because they like the stuff I do.

IDK. Someone, thoughts?

<3 You girls! I've looked around here and it's a great place and there are some totes fab looking girls around! Anyone PM me to become friends, I really need more girly friends in my life! IF you like cheerleading, fashion, or super girlie things and wanna gal pal to chat with, msg me plz!

I like this place and plan to stick around and be an active part of it!



*hugs and kisses*

- Nicole

oh hai I guess it's unlocked now - dunno why it was but whatevz, :3. So yah, if anyone has any comments do share

Oh my gosh, we have SO MUCH in common. I wanna be a cheerleader, too. I'm like stuck in 2001. Look at the fashion style in my avatar, LOL. Anyway, I love my family, but they're SO UNACCEPTING OF ME. They tell me to be a man and suck it up. But I'm a girl. My body has been male and I have played the part, but really, on the inside of my soul, I am a female. MY SOUL IS A GIRL!

Congratulations sis. I hope we get to be great friends.

I learned some motions and I know how to fist pom poms and shake them, too. However, it will take some practice on hurdlers, toe touches and other aerial moves. I wanna be a flier someday!

! I would lovvve to be a flyer, that would be so awesome! I've gotten pretty good at motions over the years. It's just somethign I'm so like, obsessed with. I don't really understand WHAT exactly it is about it. There's like, too many factors I think.

But n-e ways, hi! I like your avatar! I love that kinda style too Boot cut jeans, white sneakers, and a cute t is always a win 4 me

Oh dear god. You don't have a bracelet obsession do you?

Cuz the other day, I told somebody: "I'd rather talk to a 14 yr old blonde cheerleader with a bracelet obsession"

Careful what you ask for 

She isn't really 14 kelly... she was born in the 80's....

Nicole, it seems a lot of what you want is kind of removed from reality (unless you are 21... which, I guess you could still do the cheer thing in college... after that, it gets kind of umm...)

Maybe you could live out some of your fantasies online?

But, really, I am a little (a lot) worried that your desire to transition is based on some stereotype idealistic view of what you see on TV (perhaps on iCarly or some other tweens show?). Transitioning should be about just being yourself... if you try anything else (like trying to be something you aren't)... you will eventually run into the hard cold reality if you ever leave the house... and... it will be painful.

Now, don't get me wrong! Being "girly" isn't bad! I have a lot of stereotype things I do (I am a bit hyper sometimes, I LOVE stuffed animals, pink and white are pretty), but, well, I have been that way even before I considered transitioning. And, more importantly, I definitely ground these things in reality and work them into my life as an adult ... for example, I would never walk around with my giant pink stuffed bunny under my arm or in my backpack like a little girl... because... well, I'm not a little girl.....

This thread is great!

What's so great about being 14-21 anyway? I mean, why do you want to live the life of a 14 year old, at college or not? People generally go to college to study not adhere to a certain lifestyle which differs from that of which when you are older. For example, I'd love to be 14 so I could work harder at college than I actually did, maybe start a dentistry degree etc... which I think is too late for me now at 22, although Uni is really for any age and I still can if I want, I just don't like the idea of studying 6+ years and graduating what I'm like 30. But for you it seems to all stem from the fact that you want to be a cheerleader, and cheerleading is generally restricted to the ages of 14-21?

I can understand wanting to look like a 14 year old, but acting that way :s How old do your friends see you as?

Quote from: fionabell on December 27, 2011, 02:45:22 AM
This thread is great!

Rah! Rah!

 

I think you are my twin honey.  I would LOVE nothing more than to wake up PERFECT 16 year old girl - hairline, long hair, the right nose, a small chin, rounder face, and yes, I dream about it all the time.  It does paralyze you though so be careful. 

It is completely natural for a transgender woman to wish they were a teenage girl.  We never got to live through it.  A lot of us would also want to go back and live our lives over as little girls too.  I know that I certainly would love to get into a time machine and go back, but if I was going back, I'd go back all the way to my days in the womb and give me that female body then so when I was born people would be delivering pink balloons to my mother instead of blue ones (:

I was born in 1985.  You said you were born in the 80s, which means you are in your 20s today.  I'm 26 and four years from thirty.  Even though I would love to be a teenage girl, I know that I can't.  My teenage years were a blur and a haze, they were filled with tragedy, misery, depression, and suicidal thoughts.  It was as much of a hell and a nightmare as it is today.  I haven't transitioned yet but at least I don't have to get on a school bus and go to middle school or high school anymore.  College is over, I got through that, but it was not at all what it should have been, which explains why I'm the way I am today: alone, isolated, no career, no real future.

I think maybe I would have liked being a cheerleader.  The girls at my high school in my grade that were in cheerleading were nice to me, at least to my face.  They were popular.  They weren't exactly Miss America contestants, but they were cute and fun.  They were very short.  Back then the popular hairstyle for girls was short, not long.  So most of the cheerleaders had short hair.

Fashion was different around the turn of the millennium (which is when I was in high school).  Watch an old TV show like "Popular" (it was about these two girls that didn't like each other) or go on YouTube and watch a Miss Teen USA pageant from about 1999-2002 and you'll see the styles back then. 

There were a few guys I thought were really handsome in high school but they were all older than me, like a few years, but I looked very young then so they seemed much older.  There was this one guy who played on the soccer team that I couldn't stop thinking about.  One day in culinary arts class he came over to our table to flirt with the girls sitting across from me and he must have not even seen me sitting there because he put his hands on my hand, which was resting on the table.  It was probably, and this is soooo ->-bleeped-<-ing sad, but it was probably the best moment of my high school career.  That this soccer stud almost crushed my hand but I didn't want to wash that hand for like days.  He was GORGEOUS.

There was another guy too - a senior, blonde, and really buff and on Field Day I have this memory of seeing him.  His name was Marc.  He was shirtless, really sweaty, and it was unbelievable.  Another GORGEOUS hunk.  Being a geeky, ugly, awkward nobody, and a boy, he never once looked at me. 

Another guy at my school had a body that was so ripped he wore tight white T-shirts to school and damn, he looked hot. 

Those were the three guys I remember- all of them I think 1-3 grades ahead of me but it's really common for freshman-sophomore girls to look at senior boys that way I think.  Most of the boys in my grade were so immature.  None of them were what I'd call hunks and that included myself, lol.  However, if I had just had a nose job and a chin augmentation, gotten a tan, and maybe joined an athletic team, I think I would have actually been one of the cuter boys.  I just didn't give a ->-bleeped-<- what I looked like because I was depressed all the time.  Actually my grade was kinda just weak in general.

If I could be that teenage girl, I'd be friendly and pretty and kind.  I'd treat everyone in the school like they were my friend, no matter who they were or what they looked like.  I would not be a Mean Girl (they didn't even have that expression when I was in school).  I would secretly hope that all of that genuine kindness would lead me to a Homecoming Queen nomination and of course the crown itself, but I wouldn't be obsessed with it.

I think I would have liked to have had a really good table at lunchtime instead of eating at the unpopular table where I was even out of the unpopular kids' clique.  It was a crazy table.  They were into witchcraft, cried all the time, and I don't think their home lives were good at all.  They were considered the town trash, from the poorer side of town, and sometimes they smelled but they were all that I remember ever having.  They didn't like me - nobody really liked me - I was at the bottom of the social heap.  It was a ->-bleeped-<-ing nightmare.  Most people in the school had heard of me but they had never really known me because at the end of our senior year, they voted me the Quietest Kid in the class.

However, in my fantasy, I'd go from one of the loneliest, least popular boys in the school to one of the most popular girls at the school.  50% of that popularity would come from the way I treated other people and 50% of it would come from natural facial beauty.  I think I would have been beautiful as a girl, if I never went through male puberty, because I'd know exactly the way I wanted to look: a good year-round tan, long brown hair, some light makeup, and a wardrobe from Heaven. 

My name would have been Mary Ellen actually, but my girl name is Juliana.  As for what I would have liked to have done, maybe cheerleading would have been it.  I like to be the center of attention and I think it would have been really fun.  I actually have the kind of personality for it. 

I would have never dated any high school boys to preserve my virginity and if a boy flirted with me, well I would have shyly talked back to him but I would have never expected to be hit on by anyone.

In college, I would have joined a sorority and made a bunch of great friends to do things with in the summertime, like go to the beach.  You know how all those girls on Facebook have pictures of themselves together, on the beach or at a party or on Spring Break.  I wanted that too.  My pictures would be all pretty but Facebook friends are meaningless, I'd want just a few real-life girlfriends (: lol  One girlfriend probably would be closer than all the others.

So that's my fantasy and it will never ever happen.  Why don't you try out for the Dallas Cowboys?  They have a TV show and not all of the cheerleaders are in their early 20s.  If you really want to be a cheerleader, try out for the NFL (:

Quote from: Rabbit on December 27, 2011, 02:28:38 AM
She isn't really 14 kelly... she was born in the 80's....

Nicole, it seems a lot of what you want is kind of removed from reality (unless you are 21... which, I guess you could still do the cheer thing in college... after that, it gets kind of umm...)

Maybe you could live out some of your fantasies online?

But, really, I am a little (a lot) worried that your desire to transition is based on some stereotype idealistic view of what you see on TV (perhaps on iCarly or some other tweens show?). Transitioning should be about just being yourself... if you try anything else (like trying to be something you aren't)... you will eventually run into the hard cold reality if you ever leave the house... and... it will be painful.

Now, don't get me wrong! Being "girly" isn't bad! I have a lot of stereotype things I do (I am a bit hyper sometimes, I LOVE stuffed animals, pink and white are pretty), but, well, I have been that way even before I considered transitioning. And, more importantly, I definitely ground these things in reality and work them into my life as an adult ... for example, I would never walk around with my giant pink stuffed bunny under my arm or in my backpack like a little girl... because... well, I'm not a little girl.....

^ what she said

I think you may be in for a rude awakening.

Please be careful, I do mean that! There are many perverts out there that look for people like you for there fantasies also.

Transgendered may seem like science fiction but it damn well ain't fantasy!

There are several cheer groups (mostly gay) throughout the US.  So you can be a cheerleader if you are out of school.  Besides the only cheer you need to know in SF is "Beat L A".

http://www.cheersf.org/

Quote from: Just Shelly on December 27, 2011, 10:43:00 AM

Transgendered may seem like science fiction but it damn well ain't fantasy!

Really? For me it just feels like I am a glorified DQ....

*checks mirror* Oh I am.... LOL

Hi everyone! Sorry to take so long to reply! I totally read all of your responses and THANK YOU! It means so much 2 me!

N-e way, there's a lot to respond to and like, I'm not really sure where to start, but I want to respond to everyone.

To one poster, I'm very aware of NFL cheerleading being a viable option, and actually like, there's been 40 yr old cheerleaders in the NFL so I have LOTS of time b4 it'd be 2 late.

However a LOT of colleges do NOT have an age limit on their squads. They only require u be a fulltime student, so that's like, one thing I think abotu a lot cuz I want 2 go back to school, however i'm not sure if I can handle it.

To explain my situation a lil more. I've always like, been stuck on wanting to be younger, but I could like see past it for a while. But about 2 yrs ago I started thinking about it more and more until it became a total obsession! Now I'm at the point where it's totally affected my life!

I've been working with a counselor to make sure I don't make like, total devastating decsions, and she's like really awesome!

Wat I mean by it affecting my life is like, I act a lot different than I used to. My parents were like, totally shocked when I saw them after not seeing them a while. I thought maybe like, I'd have a hard time, but it wasn't even soethign I had to think about.

My counseler has said it's like some schizo effective ppl's behavior. And I knew a cis girl liek that once! What I'm talkign abotu is regressive behavior, or identity. Like, this girl I knew who was very very disturbed but a sweetheart was 18 but she acted like she was 10! This was a while ago. N-e way, I had a convo with her mom once and she said she had acted very much like a "young adult" until a few years before she turned 18 so i guess like 16. And that's when her "disorder" got really bad, and she started regressive behavior and went to the hospital. So they got her stable and on meds which stoped like, BAD behavior, but her therapists and doctors said she would most likely behave like a younger kid, and be into kid like things for the rest of her life.

So anyway, like i was tested for schizo effective and I'm okay there, but my therapist and a psychiatrist i go see are exploring other things.

The reason I say this is...well it's really hard to explain! But "being a teen girl" has gone from FANTASY to reality, whether I like, really intended that or not. I've been unable to live an "adult life" for a year now. I did it on purpose at first but then when I tried to stop, I COULDN'T. Like I lost control, so I started getting help, and I just----I don't think it's going to turn around until I'm in a safe and like, positie environment! My emotions have gotten out of control and like, i used to babysit a lot but I had to stop because I have trouble handling feeling responsibility now. I really like, did NOT mean to make myself this --- I don't know...something.

Anyway, i'll try and respond to you all instead of blab sometime later this week.

<3 xoxo