Ok..I told my mom that I would ask this question on Susans because she's persistent on this, and I honestly don't know the right answer to this anyway

I pass..pretty well now (don't go from my avatar..my appearance is a little different now). I pass well enough that when I wear a shirt and tie, I pass and have only been miss'd once. I go into the men's bathrooms and I have never been spotted or even stared at

I bought a suit over Christmas..and I feel that I pass even more now

Well...one day when I was wearing my shirt and tie, my mom caught me coming out of the men's bathrooms and ever since then, she tells me that if I'm ever spotted that they'll quickly throw me in jail for..whatever

Now..I feel that I pass about 90% of the time, so getting spotted isn't a concern for me

But..my mom is the non-supportive type of parent. So, I'm about to give up on trying to get her to accept me

But this is wearing on my nerves, and I need to hear from other people and their opinions on this

So, is it true that someone who is trans, and reasonably passes goes into their appropriate bathroom if they would get arrested and do (what my mom says) time in jail for being spotted?

I'm sorry for asking a stupid question if it might seem like it

I am about to stop living my life as Male anyway..living with my mom is getting so overbearing that I can't do it anymore. And with her using this against me and not having anything to counter it with just....beats me to the point of giving up on my gender

So..opinions or input? Please?....

Quote from: Walter on December 28, 2011, 12:10:54 PM
Ok..I told my mom that I would ask this question on Susans because she's persistent on this, and I honestly don't know the right answer to this anyway

I pass..pretty well now (don't go from my avatar..my appearance is a little different now). I pass well enough that when I wear a shirt and tie, I pass and have only been miss'd once. I go into the men's bathrooms and I have never been spotted or even stared at

I bought a suit over Christmas..and I feel that I pass even more now

Well...one day when I was wearing my shirt and tie, my mom caught me coming out of the men's bathrooms and ever since then, she tells me that if I'm ever spotted that they'll quickly throw me in jail for..whatever

Now..I feel that I pass about 90% of the time, so getting spotted isn't a concern for me

But..my mom is the non-supportive type of parent. So, I'm about to give up on trying to get her to accept me

But this is wearing on my nerves, and I need to hear from other people and their opinions on this

So, is it true that someone who is trans, and reasonably passes goes into their appropriate bathroom if they would get arrested and do (what my mom says) time in jail for being spotted?

I'm sorry for asking a stupid question if it might seem like it

I am about to stop living my life as Male anyway..living with my mom is getting so overbearing that I can't do it anymore. And with her using this against me and not having anything to counter it with just....beats me to the point of giving up on my gender

So..opinions or input? Please?....

If you are presenting as male, you should be able to go into the men's bathroom. But what does it say on your ID? I ask because a few years ago, when my ID showed male, I was kicked out of a nightclub for using the women's bathroom. So, they could use that against you but it's not like they check ID's before going into the bathroom. And as far as taking you to jail, they can't do that as far as I know unless you're acting inappropriate in the bathroom.

I think your mom just wants to scare you so can stop going in the men's bathroom.

Do you live in a state where you can change your DL before surgery?

If not do you have a carry letter explaining you are transitioning? 

I'm stuck in the same situation, but I've been able to use the family one or just wait til I'm home for the last 6 months or so.   For a guy I guess the family restroom isn't a really good option is it?

I don't know if there is a law against it.  If there is I don't think it is enforced.  I have been in the mens room when women have come in to use it because they didn't want to wait in the long line to the womens room.  No one seemed to care.  I would be more worried about how some jerk might react to you in the mens room than I would worry about the police.

My grandpa told me that if he caught a 'woman' in the men's room he'd call the police because it'd be 'scary' for the men in there.   As if! I highly doubt they would arrest you, or have anything to charge you with.

I not only use the men's restroom, but the men's locker room.
And that's a step up - at least in my book.
Needless to say, I'm yet to be arrested for this.

In Oregon there are workplace and school laws that state anybody can use the bathroom of the gender they identify with, but I'm pretty sure other public restrooms are a bit of a grey area.

Still, your mom is making stuff up. If you are a man, you are a man, and even if you weren't passing, I don't see what they would charge you with.

I can see where if you were MtF it might be a little scarier, but even then there aren't usually any laws that can be interpreted as prohibiting your being in the bathroom of your choice.

I also want to mention that I often don't pass, and nobody cares. People rarely notice, and I never have any trouble even when they do. I switched to men's rooms completely about 4 or 5 months ago, when it got too uncomfortable using the women's room.

When there was an uproar by half the women at work over my being allowed to use the restroom, another tech said to me, "I dont see what the fuss is about. I mean it's not you're in there to party or have a group therapy session. and you're in separate stalls. Now guy's don't care who's in with them. they get in, do their thing and get out."

Quote from: JulieC. on December 28, 2011, 01:37:50 PM
I don't know if there is a law against it.  If there is I don't think it is enforced.  I have been in the mens room when women have come in to use it because they didn't want to wait in the long line to the womens room.  No one seemed to care.  I would be more worried about how some jerk might react to you in the mens room than I would worry about the police.

Yea there's a double standard there. What if the men's room is full? Women tend to get more sideways with guys in their restrooms.

Quote from: Keaira on December 28, 2011, 06:02:17 PM
When there was an uproar by half the women at work over my being allowed to use the restroom, another tech said to me, "I dont see what the fuss is about. I mean it's not you're in there to party or have a group therapy session. and you're in separate stalls. Now guy's don't care who's in with them. they get in, do their thing and get out."

Yea there's a double standard there. What if the men's room is full? Women tend to get more sideways with guys in their restrooms.

Yeah I actually just noticed this the other day. I was at Fred Meyer, and there was a line in the men's room. I almost went over to the women's, but then it occurred to me that maybe I'm not supposed to do that. I called a cismale friend of mine later and he said no no men don't do that. His opinion was more that it was just something guys don't do, rather than something they shouldn't do. I'm glad I didn't risk it. Definitely a double standard.

Walter, whatever you owe your mother, doesn't she owe you the right to live your own life? And don't you owe it to yourself? Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Walter on December 28, 2011, 12:10:54 PMwith her using this against me and not having anything to counter it with just....beats me to the point of giving up on my gender

Instead of you spending all this energy trying to prove you can, can you ask her to prove you can't?  She's the one that's so concerned about this, so the burden of proof should be on _her_ shoulders. 

In most areas there are actually no laws regarding gender segregated restrooms. It's enforced by social custom.

It all depends on where you live since laws are different depending on the local books.

I work security and from my experience I can tell you that what is likely to happen (where I work) is that if someone complains then you'll just be told not to do it again by someone in charge like an employee or security or the property owner. At worst you'd be asked to leave the property.
Only if you stayed in the restroom and refused to leave after someone in charge asked you to leave would the police be involved and they would basically just make you leave, but they would have the option of charging you with trespassing. I'd have to look up the punishment for that since I don't deal with people after the cops take 'em away, but I don't think it is serious enough to come with jail time. You'd probably be given a Promise to Appear and have to show up in court and then pay a fine.

You could make the "i'm transgender" argument, but if someone presses charges yes you can end up dealing with that.
so the question is: can you be arrested for having the wrong body?
It becomes more complicated but it is considered a harassment charge.

You know what, if you use the men's room, ninjas will fall out of the sky and they will grab you and take you away, and you will spend the rest of your life wishing you hadn't disappointed your mother.

I saw a news story posted on youtube of where 2 transmen used the mens room in the mall and one guy just had so much of a problem with it that he called security to have them escort them out and now they are looking into laws making it okay for trans people to enter the restroom of their choice.  They had a gender netural restroom but the 2 men said it was full and they really had to go to the bathroom.

It makes me wonder who stays in the restroom so long to tell others they can't be in there.  That guy really should get a life.

I just found this link: www.transgenderlawcenter.org/pdf/PIP%20Resource%20Guide.pdf in the bathroom news section of the site and figured I'd re-post it here since it's directly relevant to the conversation.

is a pretty handy map that shows states which protect gender identity and sexual orientation (applies to restrooms)

Quote from: Felix on December 28, 2011, 04:59:12 PM
I also want to mention that I often don't pass, and nobody cares. People rarely notice, and I never have any trouble even when they do. I switched to men's rooms completely about 4 or 5 months ago, when it got too uncomfortable using the women's room.

I also have reached the point where it's wicked uncomfortable using the women's bathroom.  I work at a residence home and we have a "Men's Side" and "Ladies' Side" and I started using the bathroom on the men's side last week and no one has said anything (although they all know I'm Trans and view me as male anyway). 

I pass about 50% of the time or so.  The problem I run into with public restrooms is most of the time I'm around one I'm with my dancing group that I've been dancing with for 8 years now so they all knew me as female.  Most all of them know and are starting to view me as male so I think it's even more awkward using the women's restroom, however for the males I don't know how awkward it's going to be for them initially seeing me in the men's room.  On the other hand, some of the new dancers DON'T know and just know me as Paul which could get WICKED confusing if they see me go into the women's bathroom.  So I just try to avoid it as much as possible for now.   

One of my fears was getting used to using the Men's Bathroom at dancing and then being spotted one of the times I don't pass when I use it somewhere else, but by the sounds of it, no one cares anyway so maybe this will go better than I thought, lol.