Hi, this is an embarrassing question but here goes... i'm post-op mtf. My GF and I want simultaneous penetration. Is there a device which would allow us both to be penetrated as we make love? The double ended dildos I have looked at on line appear to be anal/vaginal rather than the vag/vag i'm looking for.  Any links or suggestions would be welcomed.

It has been eleven years since SRS and it was the biggest, worst mistake I ever made in my life. I will regret it until they scatter the last of my ashes. Just sayin'.

Thanks and hugs, Kim

Sorry but I have to ask. Why was it the biggest mistake?

You could try something like a feeldoe.

This response is to Carolina.

But to whomever else reads this, please understand this is my story alone and everyone's situation is different. I am not advocating one side or another, just answering Carolina since she asked the question.

Carolina, it did not solve anything for me, rather it caused me more problems. I insisted to my therapist & psych. that having surgery would save my life, and they believed me, wrote letters, etc. I did well post op for a few years until I broke up with my GF at the time who was accepting if not a tad bizarre. Since then I couldn't get a girlfriend to save my life and even if i did what would i do with her? At least during the years i was pre-op I could have sex. I am not inclined to have sex with men. I even detransitioned just to give myself a fighting chance with women.

So I have to put on a brave face and tell myself I can get through it, but i don't really know. The GF in my original post is kind of fun & nutty. Maybe if I had such a device I could at least have some intimacy with her, which is what i miss most. These days all I have to hug at night is a Pooh bear and that's really pathetic.

Maybe if I were a different person I could navigate around this. But instead of getting easier each day it gets harder and I don't know how long i can hang on.

Aside from losing my daughter, being trans was the absolute worst fate which could have befallen me. Maybe I could have fought it harder, hung onto the male thing. But I didn't and it's my own fault for not trying harder. I lost my wife, my family life, my job, my beautiful house, friends. I would give every blessing I have ever been given to turn the clock back to 1996 when all this started, knowing what I know now.

My therapist is kind of lame - I went to her to help resolve the loss of my daughter and it was a while until we got to the GID stuff. Rather than do any real research on her part she recommended books like "True Selves," which I had read in 1997 or so but is not really relevant today. So I don't know what to do therapist-wise. Maybe I have to go back to a gender therapist to try to undo all this, but the real damage is done.

Quote from: Kim 526 on January 02, 2012, 11:15:01 AM
This response is to Carolina.

But to whomever else reads this, please understand this is my story alone and everyone's situation is different. I am not advocating one side or another, just answering Carolina since she asked the question.

Carolina, it did not solve anything for me, rather it caused me more problems. I insisted to my therapist & psych. that having surgery would save my life, and they believed me, wrote letters, etc. I did well post op for a few years until I broke up with my GF at the time who was accepting if not a tad bizarre. Since then I couldn't get a girlfriend to save my life and even if i did what would i do with her? At least during the years i was pre-op I could have sex. I am not inclined to have sex with men. I even detransitioned just to give myself a fighting chance with women.

So I have to put on a brave face and tell myself I can get through it, but i don't really know. The GF in my original post is kind of fun & nutty. Maybe if I had such a device I could at least have some intimacy with her, which is what i miss most. These days all I have to hug at night is a Pooh bear and that's really pathetic.

Maybe if I were a different person I could navigate around this. But instead of getting easier each day it gets harder and I don't know how long i can hang on.

Aside from losing my daughter, being trans was the absolute worst fate which could have befallen me. Maybe I could have fought it harder, hung onto the male thing. But I didn't and it's my own fault for not trying harder. I lost my wife, my family life, my job, my beautiful house, friends. I would give every blessing I have ever been given to turn the clock back to 1996 when all this started, knowing what I know now.

My therapist is kind of lame - I went to her to help resolve the loss of my daughter and it was a while until we got to the GID stuff. Rather than do any real research on her part she recommended books like "True Selves," which I had read in 1997 or so but is not really relevant today. So I don't know what to do therapist-wise. Maybe I have to go back to a gender therapist to try to undo all this, but the real damage is done.

I am sorry to hear that. I cant imagine how painful it must be for you =/.

I am glad that I am 100% sure that SRS is not for me. Because if I ever will regret transitioning in the future at least it will still be there. It sounds like your therapist was kind of preset about your GID from the start? The one I currently have did try everything to steer me of the path to HRT etc. Annoying for me but maybe good in a way because I would not want do make the wrong decision when it comes to such a big thing.


Why did you loose your daughter? it must have been a hard blow. I have a son and would be devastated if I lost him.

I hope that everything works out for you and that you find happiness.

Hang in there and dont give up.

I would recommend a Fun Factory Share. I have one and love it. It doesn't come in a realistic color, though, so if you want realism a Feeldoe is the way to go. I went with the Share because I don't care about realism and found the shape more attractive.

Quote from: Kim 526 on January 02, 2012, 10:05:01 AM
Hi, this is an embarrassing question but here goes... i'm post-op mtf. My GF and I want simultaneous penetration. Is there a device which would allow us both to be penetrated as we make love? The double ended dildos I have looked at on line appear to be anal/vaginal rather than the vag/vag i'm looking for.  Any links or suggestions would be welcomed.

It has been eleven years since SRS and it was the biggest, worst mistake I ever made in my life. I will regret it until they scatter the last of my ashes. Just sayin'.

Thanks and hugs, Kim

Your search is over.
http://www.edenfantasys.com/dildos/double-ended-dildos/feeldoe-more
Get this, reap in the fun! :3

Omg, that story made my toes curl  to have that kind of regret post op

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, (for that matter, I do hope you take it seriously).

You absolutely must go to see a decent gender therapist or preferably a psychiatrist.

It simply isn't normal to have this about of regret about your decisions.

We all take decisions, some irrevocable. We sometimes have regrets. But the normal way to deal with these is to learn and build.

Frankly, form what you've said, you haven't learnt anything.

What's done is done. It wasn't the golden opportunity you thought.. It was just a new way to deal with the same crap that everyone else has to.

But you are stuck in the past. It's time to move on now.

I'm asking this not to judge, but to educate myself because I'm pre-transition MTF.

Can you tell me more about your problems having lesbian relationships? My only lesbian friends are cis, and I'm not out, so I can't really ask.

So in this case, SRS didn't have a fairy-tale ending...

Quote from: Kim 526 on January 02, 2012, 11:15:01 AM
Aside from losing my daughter, being trans was the absolute worst fate which could have befallen me. Maybe I could have fought it harder, hung onto the male thing. But I didn't and it's my own fault for not trying harder. I lost my wife, my family life, my job, my beautiful house, friends.

This was not your fault and it breaks my heart to see you blame yourself. People leaving you, disowning you, losing your job--this is discrimination. You can't blame yourself for other people's intolerance and ignorance. Trans people have lived throughout human history in one form or another, and virtually ever society on the planet has some sort of record of our existence. We are a naturally occurring human variation. People need to understand this. Societies need to understand this. Social institutions and governments need to understand this. No one should have to hide who they are to avoid discrimination.

Quote from: spacial on January 02, 2012, 04:59:57 PM
You absolutely must go to see a decent gender therapist or preferably a psychiatrist.

I completely agree.  Find a good therapist or psych that you are comfortable with to discuss these feelings.  They can't reverse what has already been done, but may help you to cope a little better with your current situation.  If nothing else, they are a trusted shoulder to lean on.

Thank you all so much for your thoughtful and kind responses. I am so happy to be part of such a nice community.

@spacial & Holly, Thank you for your advice, I do plan to consult with a gender therapist.

@MsDazzler, perhaps the fairy tale has not ended. And my, don't you look dazzling in that dress pretty lady!

@Dresden & Julian, thanks for the advice.

To all: Many people have – such as I did – scrimped, saved, prayed, bargained, begged, and borrowed for their opportunity to become whole via SRS. It just didn't work out for me. PLEASE don't let my experience give you pause or make you second-guess yourself. Continue your wonderful journeys and keep searching for your truth.

Sorry if my original post turned this into a discussion about SRS when its intention was merely to find a sex toy. I should have kept the remarks about my regret out of the original post and for that I apologize.

Hugs, Kim

I admit that I've seen such a double device in some pornography clips online before.  It just looks like two joined like one really long one, but with heads at both ends.  If you search "double penetration dildo" on wikipedia, it has a photo of one, but no information on where to find one.

Quote from: Kim 526 on January 02, 2012, 06:56:32 PM

Sorry if my original post turned this into a discussion about SRS when its intention was merely to find a sex toy. I should have kept the remarks about my regret out of the original post and for that I apologize.

Hugs, Kim

You obviously needed to vent that regret somewhere. I have a feeling you've been bottling it up for some time. But it's okay. Everyone needs a safe place to vent their frustrations in life. Just to read some support can make the difference between hope and despair. I'm so sorry SRS does not seem to have made life easier for you and I can only hope that you will find what it is you are looking for, whether it's dildo's, dill pickles or a partner for life. *hugs*

Thank you Keaira. Having a supportive and understanding community is wonderful.

Big hugs, Kim

@valyn_faer, i appreciate your very righteous indignance. I'm not an angry person by nature, and since all this took place in the late 90's and early 00's, what anger I had has long since been assuaged. But I agree - what's right is right.

I mentioned once to an evil old mercenary that i wanted to experience two women at the same time. He warned me that they'd just leave me and go off with each other. "Beware the double ended dildo," he would often intone with great solemnity.

Hi, Kim,

I'm so sorry to hear of your regret and sadness.  I'm sorry in advance for being ignorant or not understanding, but it sounds as if you are in a typical lesbian relationship (two females with female parts in a romantic/intimate relationship).  I'm just wondering why you are so sad and why you are different than other lesbian couples.  I know now that genitalia doesn't determine gender -- that a person can be female and still have male genitalia.  Is it that you are female yet prefer penetrating another female with a penis?  Sorry to be so personal, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to.  I know that there are non-ops who are lesbians and want to keep their male genitalia for this reason, but not sure if this is your situation. Again, you don't have to answer if you don't want to.

I do hope that you can find happiness.  I think you can - sex can be anything that makes you and your partner happy.  I think the love and compatibility is a much tougher nut.  If you have that, you're most of the way there.

I wish you much luck and this place is a great place to vent and get compassion and help in working your issues out.

Sono