We've all got our biases and our ideas of what it means to be a woman.  Years ago I was in a religious studies class (remember I'm an atheist for those who might think I'm fundy) and the professor asked the class "What has been the biggest obstacle in the world that has stopped women from getting ahead?"  And we went around the room and everyone was giving their views on men and social constructs and motherhood etc etc etc.   Well I was busting to speak when they got to me.   I said simply "Other women"  and of course the room exploded into outrage, women were saying that I was crazy and that women supported each other etc etc etc.

So I made a few points.  I said that there is no male equivalent to the Stay at Home Mother  vs Working Mom debate.  And of course women said that was the mens fault or society's fault etc.   But men wouldn't have that conversation. In 18 years of raising kids I have never seen a man get pissed off because another man did anything better than him,  he might have gotten JEALOUS but he didn't get mean.

Now I'm not saying that men can't be mean,  but there's this weird betchy sort of way that women tend to get mean with each other.

Another example is the way women say that men and "the fashion industry" try to force anorexic body images on us which distort our sense of self.  Except men don't buy those magazines.   Whenever magazines try to promote bigger body images women tend to flock to the skinny girls.  We as women are the ones that pour all of our money into things that are not good for us.

We are the same women that will say to the fat girl  "Girl needs to back up from the table" and tell the skinny girl she needs to "Eat a sandwich"

Basically it's like mean girls all over again.  And we take issue when we feel other people's opinions are personal judgments against our life choices.

Ex.

I stayed home with my kids.  I felt for me it was better.  I never put my kids in full time school partly because I saw what it was like at the school when the kids were there from 7 am until 6 pm.  I lived broke with my kids but I cooked their meals and stayed home and went to school got my degrees and opened my own business and wrote a book.  Still broke and happy.

I can't tell you the number of times I've had to bite my tongue on this for fear of people wait not people, women other women getting offended.  But that was my life choice.  I don't raise your kids I don't care what you do with them.  This is my life and I'm happy with my choices.

But instead other women tended to try to treat me like I was brain dead, had no intelligence and no career,  (that was a favorite of my sister who is a long term administrative assistant apparently that's a dazzling career move) I also was told that I was "lucky I could afford it"  by women who drove around in shiney new cars and spent hundreds of dollars on handbags I could never afford.   I wasn't lucky,  I sacrificed for my kids because it made me proud,  but it seems like once I did it,  I was never allowed to be proud because it would start up a tornado of jealous mean girl drama.

Over the years I've realized that the reason people get snarky and defensive is that they are NOT happy with their life and are defensive about it.  We've all been there.   We've all done it.

So for this year I'm wondering,   who are you as a woman?  What matters to you?    What do you like about your choices?

I'd like you all to brag and not feel bad about it.  I'd like this to be an exercise in practicing listening to other women and their joys without thinking that their highs balance out to another woman's lows.

Life is not competition.  To praise one thing is not to damn another.   We are inspirations to each other.  And I do think that sometimes that motivation in hearing other people's joys and choices can sometimes open a part of us we are not willing to allow to be alive.   So it's hurtful to see someone else who is confident in a way we might not be.

But I think we are all works in progress and we'll get there one day!

I'm female in mind and now body, i'm finally free to be myself and not pretend to be a guy. The relationships I make now as female are so much more open and honest and then before. I wouldn't give this up for the world, my freedom is very important to me. The choices I made in the past were not that great (Dropping out of school, drugs, etc etc.) but I guess we all make mistakes and learning from those mistakes is just part of being human.

Transition is probably the best choice i've ever made in my life. I wish I would have sooner but 23 isn't that bad of a starting point, could be worse I suppose.

I'll be frank - I got lost reading halfway --

Give it to me short and sweet; what is it you want delivered to us?

The title of the thread should help.  Just who are you as a woman. What do you like about yourself and your choices.  Some positive vibes I guess.   Brag!

Quote from: mixie on January 02, 2012, 11:48:09 PM
The title of the thread should help.  Just who are you as a woman. What do you like about yourself and your choices.  Some positive vibes I guess.   Brag!

ooo... funny thing is ...

1) I transitioned from being a gay man who dressed like a woman part time for a decade to being a hetero woman full-time. Still trying to sort out what is old and what is new - and what I should keep from my gay past to carry forward with me into the hetero future. Mahsa probably knows what I am talking about here.

2) I liked that i decided to go ahead and take the leap off the cliff. It was the biggest, life-changing decision I ever made and I do not regret it ever since

What a fantastic thread. Real positive one. I love that.

I agree with the whole Home Mother vs Working Mom debate. I've never heard fathers talk that way at all. The brotherhood of man doesn't work like that. .. funny isn't it?!?!

Me... I'm a bloody good listener. This makes me a great project manager (TV Producer) as I can take the needs/cares of others, and place them in a time/accounting sheet and make the time table count.

So who am I?  I'm a team builder. The mother, the nurturer, the leader? ... no.. not really. I'm just happy to get people together. That's what gets me off. May I soar the great heights of TV stardom?  Well .. probably. But only because I have a great team of individuals that are happy and productive.

Thanks for listening,

Jen

OXOXOX

I am almost the same as I'v always  been.

I was a stay at home parent for a short time. Unfortunately it was when I was a man. During this time with my children is when I truly experienced being a parent.  I have always had nurturing instincts but never had the need to use them until I had children. When I was a stay at home parent the nurturing habits became even stronger. I am not one to wish I had given birth to my children, I created them (well God did) and I am fine with that. Would I have a more intense connection to my children if I gave birth? Yes, that would of been nice but I don't dwell on it.

As for being a woman I am really not much different then before. Sometimes I think "oh maybe if I was more girly I would feel more like a natural woman" I don't like the word tomboy, it seems many may use this term, once they hear me describe myself further. Its funny cause I'll see so many woman wearing the same type outfits I do and they look quite feminine. I am at a different age though, I do imagine if I transitioned at 24 like I wanted too I would be a bit more girly.

As for who I am as a woman. This hasn't changed dramatically. Sure the ruggedness (beard thing) is gone, the voice has changed and I definatly look different. For who I am though the core hasn't changed. I'm still a honest, passive( too much,don't like) caring, sensitive, (again too much) person I always have been. The only thing I have purposely changed is my appearance and voice. Much of what maybe called feminine or womanly has come out but I have done nothing to force it. I did try when I first started to transition but I felt like I was faking. When I just relaxed and was myself this is when I became more a woman.

Its funny, when I first came out to people I would ask them what if anything different they noticed. I was waiting to hear voice, face maybe body because of some of the andro (at the time) clothing was a bit tight. Too my shock everyone said it was my gestures and just the way I talked not how my voice was (it sucked, still does) Now I was never an overly feminine person when I was a man. I wasn't a tough and burly but I was nothing not even close to someone like that Kugo (or whatever) from E.T. tonight. I became what was locked inside me for years because of fear and not accepting who I was.

Its strange, many of my habits, likes, dislikes and activities havn't changed. I go shopping with my children quite often, many times they ask to go (their also boys) I thought to myself one day, this is something many mothers do especially with daughters. You don't see to many fathers shopping with their children unless they have too or there is a definite need. I thought back 6-8 years ago I was doing this same thing with my children when I was a man. Huh! not much has changed. How many men bring thier children to church or go ice skating I did and I still do now. The only difference now, is how people view and interact with me when I do these things with my children.

Thank you for the nice post!

Love and family are everything to me. I dream of building a home for my future children who I can devote my life to, together with a partner who I can love, and who would be my best friend in everything. I want to live to help build a safe and loving home for all of them, and I want one day to be old and have grandkids.

These were wonderful to read.  I hope there are more forthcoming!

I'm a geeky girl in the body of a geeky guy. That's about as good a way to describe me as any.