I have been TG'ed from birth and basically tried to live with it.

I never told my wife about any of this stuff because I did not want to make her worry more.

Many friends at Susan's told me she deserved to know.

I agreed with them five days ago.

I wrote some practice scripts and today I said to my wife, "Please remind me to talk to you about some important things this evening.

In the evening she asked me if I wanted to join her to see our son play baseball and I said yes.

After the game my wife and I went to the store to get some dinner for our son.

In the car in the parking lot I said remember I wanted to talk to you this evening?

She said yes.

I then told her in detail about TG and how it has affected my entire life.  I also told her that many married couples get divorced from TG issues. 

She asked if we could be friends?  I told her of course.

I then gave her examples of many things and asked her opinion.

She said I am sorry you suffered these things.

I said did you not notice anything different about me.

She said yes.  You never seemed like the type of person that would leave his wife.  You have been good to the children and good to me.

I told her the TG stuff frequently gets worse.

She said I guess we will deal with it.

We talked for ten minutes and she said to let's get dinner for our son.

I said good we can talk about this at another time. 

She said fine.
....................

I'm stunned......................

That sounds very encouraging Wendy. A first step in a long proces I am sure.

Alice

She sounds like she's in shock, to me. 

I'm not going to sugar-coat it, Wendy.  The going is about to get rough.  If you two truly love eachother, then something remarkable may happen.

Just don't expect anything to ever be the same.

And you certainly shouldn't expect anything but a positive outcome for you, individually, at the end of this long, dark tunnel.

~ Blair

Wendy well done,

OMG its hard isn't it, I am so proud of you, its best that you are honest with you wife so that you can both discuss this when you / she  needs to.  Its is you indeed that needs that BIG HUG this time.

Now comes the realisation, I hope you both ready for this. My wife when I told her started asking more and more questions, making up reasons why im not TG. She is angry at me and distrusts me.  I hope you dont have to go through this. I hope that both of you can talk this throu.

Wendy please be strong for both  of you, you may need to be.
Congratulations Luv Lucy

Thanks.

You are all correct.

Lucy unfortunately my wife is the stronger mind of this pair.

I really do not understand TG. 

I do not expect my wife to understand it.

However she was very nice to me.

My emotions seem to run in extremes within short periods of time.

One emotion that is constant is fear.

Thanks for your input.

W

Quote from: Blair on March 29, 2007, 02:49:45 AM
She sounds like she's in shock, to me. 

I'm not going to sugar-coat it, Wendy.  The going is about to get rough. 

I really agree with Blair. It's a good sign, to be sure - but don't think this is the end of the matter. When I came out to my parents they said they'd love me and support me no matter what I decided. Things change.

I really do think this is a good start, though.

The Party Princess

I'm proud of you for finding your inner strength, Wendy!  It seems like it didn't go so bad. Not to rain on your parade, sweetie, but don't be surprised if a few days pass, the info sinks in and she has some difficult questions for you. Just take everything one step at a time and remember that in the long run, this is better for you both.

Quote from: angelsgirl on March 29, 2007, 02:06:17 PM
I'm proud of you for finding your inner strength, Wendy!  It seems like it didn't go so bad. Not to rain on your parade, sweetie, but don't be surprised if a few days pass, the info sinks in and she has some difficult questions for you. Just take everything one step at a time and remember that in the long run, this is better for you both.

Right, what she ^^^^ said

Now that it's Out There, you two can *honestly* begin to relate to one another and see where it leads. Scary now, I know... but it's what's fair for BOTH of you.

I'm very proud of you too

Kate

Wendy I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO proud of you! You did it. Now, buckle your seat belt, it is gonna get bumpy. Most SO's are not as open and accepting as AngelsGirl and I. It is gonna take a lot of digesting on her part and a lot of patience on yours.

Together in the struggle sweetie. You have a great support structure here and so does she if she wants it.

*tight tight hugs*

Congratulations Wendy.  I agree with what others have said.  Also, judging from her not haveing a big reaction sounds like it's possible that she may have suspected it already.  After all, she did say she noticed changes in you.  Good job.  I hope you are both able to successfully navigate this road together.

Melissa

Thanks for all your comments!

Quote from: Melissa on March 29, 2007, 05:30:19 PM
Also, judging from her not having a big reaction sounds like it's possible that she may have suspected it already.  After all, she did say she noticed changes in you. 

Melissa the changes my wife has seen are behavioral not physical.  She seems to be clueless of physical changes.  The female hormones make me much calmer and more patient.  My wife says the wash looks much nicer since I have been doing it. 

...................
Actually I am starting to get upset.  I told my wife I am actually a woman two days ago.  I was hoping my wife would ask me some questions.  My goodness if my wife came home to me and said oh by the way I'm really a man.  I would ask a whole bunch of questions!
What age did it start?  Give me examples?  Who did you talk to?

She asked me, "Can we still be friends?"  I guess I must be doing too good a job with the laundry!

What is the next question I am going to ask her, "Honey do you know what SRS is?" 
What will she say, "Honey will the laundry still be really clean?"

The female hormones have made my sex drive and functioning near zero.

.........................
I do appreciate the compassion my wife gave me but what about some curiosity?

................
I have not told her about the female hormones yet.  I was hoping she would ask some questions.

I know how this will go:
I will start the conversation with, "Honey I've been taking female hormones for two years?"

She will say, "I was wondering why you have been so calm and nice.  Keep taking them.  It has improved your personality."
................
I am not ready to bring her to this site.

I am not ready to initiate another TG talk with her.

I am totally out of my comfort zone.

She heard me and did not comprehend what I said.

Wendy

ahhh Wendy, comprehension is the in the mind comprehending and you as the message deliverer cannot decide if the mssg is being comprehended.

I do, just as an SO seriously suggest bringing it up again. What's wrong with or so hard about (at this point) in saying "Wife, the other day I shared something with you and you asked if we could "still be firends". So wife? What does that mean to you because as "husband" anbd wife all these years I always felt we WERE friends and I know I just layed something heavy on you but after the past cpl days I just gotta know what "friends" means to you and do you understand TG and can I answer any questions?
Hang in their Wendy. *hugz*

Could it be, Wendy, that your wife thought you were joking?  That you weren't being serious?  I think some people will assume that belief when they hear something they have a hard time accepting or even acknowledging the existence of.

I think you should bring this up again and this time do your best to impress upon her how serious this is to you.  Telling about your meds will help a long way in that respect.

Good luck, Wendy,

hugs & smiles
helen

Quote from: Wendy on March 30, 2007, 11:32:31 PM
I have not told her about the female hormones yet.

Ahhh, then she may not understand the implications of what you've told her - she may think it's just something you wanted to share, but nothing that will have consequences.

OR, sometimes people will go into denial, and try and avoid talking about so they don't encourage things to get worse.

Reminds me of my parents: I told them like a month ago something like, "I'm changing my sex, I have to do it, but it's SO hard and I'm emotionally broken and need support, can you be there for me?" And I haven't heard from them since those initial talks. Sometimes I think people just hope it'll go away if they don't "encourage" it.

Kate

Wendy,

What a giant relief it must be that she knows.

I think some seeds take time to germinate.  Let this one sit.  I'm sure it will sprout in due time.  It has to.  She sounds like she is already head and shoulders above many of the spouses I've heard about. 

Great going!

Kristi

Wendy,

Im sure your wife hear what you said and took it in ok, yes denial is a big part of what I went through and only weeks later is it really sinking in. I do mention the GID to here and try and talk about it. I know your wife is quite ill and your at her bed side at the moment, so now might not be the best time to start pushing this issue.

Please take your time and be paitient with her you dont want to fall out, you have spent many wonderfull years together dont forget that.

Good Luck
Lucy

All thanks for your comments.

Quote from: Kiera on March 31, 2007, 02:29:18 AM
Wendy, that was the first question that came into my mind - was there any discussion, concern about sex?? My wife's endo claims her and I can have it both ways (me HRT, her sex) but still not sure exactly how that works. I hate to say it but it sounds to me like the two of you have outgrown each other and already parted ways, long ago perhaps? Your wife's apparent calm indifference toward the whole matter speaks volumes to me and I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't solely sticking it out for your child(ren). Are you indeed OK with that if that turns out to be the case?
"Emotion = Interest". Is there anything there at all?

Kiera I share details not because I condone what I do but rather so that friends at this site can give me their thoughts.  I totally appreciate a different point of view.  I do not think what I am doing is correct; however, this was my decision.  I hope no on feels they have to do what I do.

Two years ago I wanted my wife to leave so that she would not have to tolerate what I felt I needed to do.

We stayed in the same house and we shared tasks.  My behavior has become self-destructive and I am moving into total isolation.  The TG issues are consuming my mind and my mind refuses to accept it.

I do not wish to talk to psychiatrists at this time.  I am tired of all the pills and combination of pills.  None of them work except the addictive ones.  They will not prescribe the addictive ones so that they do not have any pills that work.  In fact they will admit their pills have not worked.

The HRT has shut down all male functions.  All.  I can manually give my wife an O.  That is how you can have sex if you take HRT.

I came to this site thinking maybe someone would have experienced some of the things that have troubled me for my life.

Many people on this site have common threads with me.  They have been troubled by many of the same events.

People told me I needed to share TG with my wife.  I told my wife I am trans gendered and my brain is wired like a female's brain and starting explaining fact after fact that I had never shared with her.  I told her is tends to get worse as people get older and mine is getting worse.  I told her that is why I have wanted her to leave me.

She was very nice to me.  However after a day I would not be saying La de da de da.  I would be asking questions.  Many many questions.  I would set up the appointments for her to visit the doctor if the roles were reversed.

I do have several TG issues along with a whole bunch of issues that have developed from not addressing the TG issues for my lifetime.  I never talked about this stuff to anyone and I have tried to forget it.  When I was young I was a girl but now I am not interested in sex with any gender, not interested in a prom dress, or make-up, or a boy holding a door for me.  My conclusion is I have TG issues and I am not TS.

I only feel comfortable at Susan's Place to discuss TG since the people here are more sensitive than the majority of my fellow human beings.

Any problems between my wife and I are totally my fault.  It was very tough for me to share TG with her.  My wife will be going on Spring Break with her friends and my two youngest children next week and I will have some time to formulate another discussion.

I apologize for my absolute stupidity and do appreciate constructive criticism.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

W

Wendy, I think you'll find your therapist are unhelpful because you haven't told them the truth about yourself.  I would be surprised if they manage to prescribe anything that would work considering they can't make an accurate diagnosis from your refusal to discuss your real issues! Unfortunately, there isn't much in the way of psychoactive drugs that work for GID from what I've heard.  You could try opening up to your current therapist and maybe they can recommend a specialist for you. Would it really hurt to be honest with your therapist now that your wife knows? (well, since you told her what's on your mind anyhow, it seems like she doesn't have much of a clue)  Who knows, maybe it will open doors for you?  You could definately use that!

Ditto

I agree

Quote from: Kate on March 31, 2007, 08:50:45 AM
Ahhh, then she may not understand the implications of what you've told her - she may think it's just something you wanted to share, but nothing that will have consequences.

Kate you were correct.  She shared a few words and really was not interested in my comments.
................
Kiera, the domestic chores are from more time which has exacerbated the TG issues. Good input.
.............
Angelgirl good input.  It would move things alone if I can share what's bothering me.
........
Lucy almost any decision I make regarding TG is irrational.
..................................


I will tell you that you were 100% correct for me to tell my wife. 

W