oops. Sorry Kim,

I just read the whole of the OP. It's obviously highly dangerous stuff we are dealing with. Thank you for sharing your story

Just go down on your girlfriend and worship her body etc. Bath her. Human touch and company is all that matters. And you have it.

I'm a defeated person in life too. We just need to make the best of our situations

well i worked for a sex shop and there are many double ended dildos just check out some sex toy shops or websites and order some
  not all are specifically designed for lesbian sex but can be used that way.

Thanks, all.