There's a thread going now on emotional changes on T, which kind of brought up something I end up thinking about any time I happen upon these sorts of discussions on "emotional changes" on T both offline and on.  A lot of guys will say that they cry less on T than they did pre-T, that they are emotionally clouded pre-T and so on. Sometimes I wonder how much of that is subconscious response to stereotype and how much of that is related to body dysphoria. I know plenty of cismales who cry often and cisfemales who rarely cry. I've seen emotional guys and women who really aren't emotional at all, but completely logical even in situations that would warrant panic. Additionally, I know extremely decisive and driven women while also knowing some extremely indecisive and undriven men. So when I hear a lot of transguys talking in such a way that it seems that their emotional changes conform to certain social gender stereotypes, it gets me thinking. To what extent are our beliefs of our own emotions affected by social gender stereotypes or, alternatively, dysphoria?

So that brings me to two points for this thread:

1) How much do you think your emotional state off T and/or on T was/is affected by socialization or underlying social stereotypes? Do you think that you might feel a subconscious need to conform to certain male stereotypes regarding emotion? Do you think this might change the way you act or perceive your own actions? How much do you/did you cry while not on T? To what extent do you/did you feel emotion hindered your ability to function and follow your interests? How decisive/driven were/are you without T?

2) To what degree do you believe dysphoria contributes or contributed to your emotional state if you are not on T or, if you are on T, before you went on T. Do you think that if somehow your dysphoria disappeared completely while not on T, you would be less emotional/cry less despite not being on T? To what degree does dysphoria affect how you deal with day to day stress that is completely unrelated to trans issues or dysphoria? If you felt/feel indecisive or not driven while not on T (again, whether you've ever been on T or not), do you think that might be related to a preoccupation with your dysphoria.

For myself, I've honestly never been an emotional person. I have never been a big crier. I find that emotion has always been something that has come out of the blue after very long periods of time. I might feel horrible, but it does not result in actually crying or emotional distraction except the rare occasion. Even as a teenager I would go months to a year without crying or feeling the urge to cry. I was much more prone to feeling angry. Yet even when angry, outbursts of anger were fairly rare. I was always the type to let things bottle than to let them out. Growing up, when I used to see women who cried often I figured they were just attention-seeking. Even today I tend to wonder how much of it, for many women, is pure socialization and the expectation that women are "supposed" to cry more than men, or that it is more acceptable.

As an underlying question to think about: how much do you think sexism and sexist socialization affects women's ability to feel driven in a particular interest or career path? To what do you degree do you think socialization causes men to feel that they must appear decisive and driven when that might not reflect how they truly feel?

Edit: As a closing sentiment I just wanted to express that sometimes I do worry about how some in society perceive transpeople as testaments to the "reality" of certain gender stereotypes. They see us as having lived on "both sides" so to speak, and so look to our experiences when discussing the "differences between the sexes." What worries me is that we aren't as unbiased sources regarding the "differences" as we like to think of ourselves. Many of us do feel the need to conform to certain gender stereotypes, and, of course, for decades we were encouraged to do so in order to be "properly diagnosed" by medical professionals in order to even get hormones. Many still are, and the remnants of that doctrine of gender conformity still remains. I worry that we become a convenient way for society to confirm certain misogynist beliefs that are, indeed, social rather than biological.

Good post. This brings up a lot of things I wonder about. I commented in the other thread that I had always been driven and decisive and that I think physiologically there's a "correct" balance of hormones for each individual. Of course the hormones do effect emotions as well, but the brain really is the ring-leader of the whole body. Mind over matter is something legit and much like if you give a placebo medicine to someone who believes it's the real medicine, they will get the benefits from it, I wonder if the same sort of thing is in play with trans HRT? Interesting topic for sure. I think a really awesome study would be where trans individuals were given their hormone of choice and some would be getting a placebo unknowingly and see what changes they experience. It seems that a lot of trans guys want T so badly, and very much believe that it's a cure for dysphoria and to changing their body to fit their mind more that, yes, it does just that. It delivers what is believed to be needed. For me, I question an awful lot in life and my whole bag is that changing your viewpoint and attitude alone can change your life so barring the actual physical negatives I felt on T I don't think I had the right "mindset" for it to be "medicinal" if that makes sense.

One story that's always stuck out in my mind but I can't recall the person's name was a male who was MTF and supposedly was able to change his body to more female simply by focusing his mind on it. If I ever find the story again I'll post it but to me, it's not out of the realm of possibility. There's a ton about the human mind that even the best scientists out there don't understand.

That aside, I see a lot of gender stereotypes being perpetuated - not just by society itself but by trans people too. Sometimes I feel like an outsider simply because I'm not trying to be the "malest male" possible where for a lot of other people that is their main drive - to be that thing that the rest of society considers male. Yeah, I guess it makes life easier that way if no one gives you a second glance - if you just blend in and you can live your life in your chosen gender. I get that. But at the same time there's also the duplicity of being "accepted" by society as trans. It's like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. To THEM you're never going to be a "regular guy" - even if you look like one. You're trying to force people who have other viewpoints and opinions on it that your choice is perfectly acceptable and that they should accept it too. Of course I believe that would be a nice goal - that people who are perceived as "different" by society's standards are not ridiculed or harassed or discriminated against, etc. etc. And I know that there's plenty of trans people that just want to be "stealth" and live their lives. But at the same time, you can't rally and cry out against gender discrimination if all you want to do is fit into the current stereotype. I'm not sure if I even explained all that in the greatest, least-offensive way, but hopefully it makes sense.

For the first question, how I grew up was a bit unique. I think because of that uniqueness in both my body and mind and the fact that my parents of course were well aware of that, I was afforded more fluidity when it came to things associated with gender. My mom still had me doing girl things and activities but once she saw I didn't like a lot of them it wasn't a high pressure thing. It was only after puberty that she laid it on thicker with the "act like a lady" business. Which of course I fought against. Up until about age 12 I was accepted "as is" in that I was allowed to just be myself, wear (mostly) what I wanted, participate in whatever activities I wanted (although I was pretty put off by the fact I couldn't play actual baseball because I was a "girl" and had to play softball, which I thought was uber lame). So over time I started to see the stereotypes in society and how men and women were treated differently. Walking a line in between the two genders I saw as a curse after awhile. I didn't fit in either 100% so as I got older things got worse. I absolutely hated my body. I hated just about everything, including "the universe" as a whole for making me the way I was. So my emotional state changed drastically overtime and being given additional female hormones at puberty was one of the worst things that ever happened to me, but in hindsight I can see that it just wasn't the right thing for my body or my mind. It was a learning experience for sure. I was way beyond emotional during that time. That was the first time I ever contemplated killing myself just to make the misery stop. So, definite no on the extra female hormones but later in life when I tried extra male hormones that was a definite no as well. I don't even know if that really answers the question properly but for me personally, dicking with my hormone levels has led to misery one way or another.

I will say that my own form of dysphoria was vastly increased when I was younger and being subjected to the effects of estrogen. The only thing that's gotten rid of dysphoria for me was changing my outlook on certain things. T just showed me that I didn't really need it, basically. So that too was a learning experience and strengthened my outlook on life and other things so even though that was also a miserable experience there was some good that came out of it.

I can certainly resonate with the having lived on "both sides" thing.

I understand where you're coming from, but for me, at least, taking T resulted in emotional changes that seem to be purely chemical. They simply arrived out of the blue and although I had heard about them, I was faintly surprised to see them actually occurring.

The first change I noticed was that I felt really, really chill. Without T, I felt like I was at sea in a raging storm. T calms that. The effect is more pronounced within six to twelve hours of my shot, at which time I can happily drive behind someone's grandma at fifteen miles under the speed limit while whistling "St. Elmo's Fire" without the slightest frustration. I am often surprised on shot days to find myself doing something like that, and then I remember why.

The second is that it is more difficult to cry. Physically more difficult. One day I was feeling really ->-bleeped-<-ty and just wanted to get it over with, so I sat down to cry and I simply couldn't. It just wasn't in the drop-down menu anymore. I tried, but it was like trying to hiccup on purpose. Couldn't do it. That's how it's been, with the exception of when I was in bad physical pain after hysto. Screamed and wept with no problem.

The third is that physical exercise now improves my mood instead of fouling it. It feels really good and afterwards I feel calmer, happier, more balanced, and able to handle life. It was exactly the opposite before.

Each of these changes came as a surprise. Maybe stereotypes are involved sometimes, but I do not think it was true for me for these particular changes.

1) I like the male stereotype thing, and it's something I try to focus on in regulating my emotions. I did that both before and after starting T, however, and wow it got easier with testosterone.

2) This is huge. Simply taking that transitional step is a relief, gives me confidence, and the whole makes me a lot more stable. That part is certainly nominal or symbolic or whatever.

I was emotional and cried a lot before T. Now I still cry, but it takes a lot more for me to need to. I can control it better, and I do it less often. Now I read less into things, and I'm better at staying focused and not getting distracted by the horrors of life.

Re your underlying question: I felt huge pressure to appear decisive and driven even when I was trying to live as fully female. Growing up I was expected to be tough and know how to solve problems. After I had a kid (alone w no help) I without question had to always look like I knew what I was doing. So I think that stereotype might come from the fact that we as a society usually put more responsibility on males.

On a side note, nobody batted an eye that I half-killed myself all the time to make a life for my kid as her mom, but as her dad I get compliments all the time about what a good job I'm doing and how cool it is that I'm doing it.

I think the stereotype "men don't cry" has planted its roots deeply into me back in childhood since I don't cry publically. Some rare occassions do happen with my fiancé but those are usually very sore things for both of us.
Even if I feel some need to cry because of some irrelevant thing, I fight it till the end. So far, I think my Mom is the only who can tell when I'm about to cry.

All in all, I get pretty emotional basically about anything if I think about it too much. Movies, tv series, stories, music, comics... You name it. I just sometimes get sucked into it way too much and that's just how it goes.
And I seriously hope I'll get rid of it with T. It's kinda annoying.

I think there is a strong social connection to how we regulate our emotions, and how this is connected to transition.

I'm not on T, but my emotions have changed significantly over the past three years. I used to be a mess. People always said that it was healthy to reach out and talk about your problems with others, and I did, but I found it didn't help me get a good grip on things AT ALL. I could never get into the whole intimacy thing of sharing my problems with people, and I found that 'just having someone to listen' did nothing for me at all, with maybe a few rare exceptions. what's more, is my (extended, which has a huge influence) family expects women to be emotional whenever they make a 'big decision.' Because that's the only way to justify a woman making her own choice, is if great emotion brought her there. Going to college? Cry. Changing majors? Cry. Moving away from home? Cry. Transitioning? Cry. Etc.

Anyway, it wasn't working for me AT ALL. I only experienced emotional success when I put it all in my own hands. I didn't consciously attempt to regulate my emotions like a 'man', it just happened. I'm happier dealing with my emotions alone. The fact is, most people CANNOT help you with emotional problems - it's about managing what goes on in your head and, if possible, doing something to solve the problem.

I think that the whole 'bottling up' thing is only unhealthy if you don't do something with what you've bottled up.

I've been conscious of severe gender dysphoria since I was 4 years old, so I don't have a dysphoria-free self to compare anything to.  I've been chronically depressed since puberty and have always been emotional.  When I began to suffer from depersonalization 10 years ago, my emotions polarised - months without feeling at all then months of hypersensitivity.  I honestly can't say what stems from where and why.  I feel that a lingering sense of helplessness, being trapped and zero self-confidence figures into it all in addition to my dysphoria.  I will have to wait and see what changes, if any, initiating HRT facilitates.

I didnt feel I changed so much emotionally.
I had alittle puberty up and downs..
and my abilety to cry got worse..
but got the same fellings as before, whenever im sad or happy..

I'm not on T yet, and I'm honestly an emotional wreck half of the time. Now, its mainly because of my life circumstances but being trans obviously hasn't helped any.
I used to cry a lot, but since I have gotten more and more depressed over the last 3 years strangely, I don't cry as much. Really only when I'm on the brink of suicide. Then I cry for hours on end.
Lately, if its bad and I want to literally stab myself in the head, I just tourniquet my arm and cut. Gets me through, at least. and I don't cry.

I'm a little worried about how testosterone might affect my anger problems. I am already a very angry person, with a very short fuse. I fly off the handle at the drop of a hat. That is something I will have to watch out for if I can manage to get a script.

My emotionality does affect my personal relationships. I find that I'm too "sooky" for a male sometimes, and that does not pair well for how I want people to view me. Also, the anger has gotten worse in regards to the fact that women don't see me as a man. If I am out and a woman I like is very flirty with a random bio-male, I am ready to rip livers. This ends with confrontations, hurt feelings, resentment, and eventually, the loss of the woman completely.

I am hoping T will even me out....

I am, however, a very driven person if I have found the strength to follow through with something. Once I've decided to do something that matters, I will find a way, despite setbacks.