I had a terrible terrible fight with my dad. It started off with him interrogating me and ordering me around in that tone that makes me just want to yell and kill someone. That tone that makes me feel like I'm in an army and not at home with my family. He saw another LGBT forum I had on in the background, because he just waltzed in with not even so much as a knock, that on top of the tone he's been using with me the entire day, just started a fire in me. I know it was a terrible move, I wasn't thinking and was terribly angry and upset about it. But I slammed the door. Then he opened it and slapped my face, that was 30 minutes ago and it still stings. It was more yelling, then he was threatening to lock me out of the house, turn off my cell phone, and cut off all my connections. That went on for 15 minutes, it was the most intense fight we ever had. I don't hate saying that I wish he never had me. He treats my big sister like a princess and acts like he forgot he had a second kid. I want NOTHING more to do with him. He's been treating me like this long enough. I want to disown him but I don't know how to do it. I feel sick to my stomach right now.

EDIT: Please don't tell me to rethink this, disowning him is truly what I want.

PS It's not the first time he's hit me.

What do you have in terms for resources for moving out? That's the best way to do it. In fact, the only way to do it.

@Casey I suppose there's my grandparent's place but they've also done some things in their life that I haven't forgiven them for either (it involves the reason why my mother is no longer alive)

He's trying to control you and feels he's at his wits end, which is why he's acting out and being aggressive.  (From experience I can say that this will over time subside as he learns to accept you for who you are and not who he wants to force you to be.)  Disowning someone, especially family, is an interesting and sometimes difficult thing to do (for a variety of reasons).  You really can't disown someone until you have some physical separation between you and that person.  That separation provides you with needed space, privacy and independence.  But if you're going to disown someone you need to tell them, not necessarily in person, but your words (however they reach the individual) should be civil and direct.  You may find yourself even after disowning this person missing them for the things you did enjoy and appreciate about them.  It'll be hard for a few years (maybe the rest of your life) to tuck away any memories associated with that person, you may even try to fill the void with other unhealthy situations or relationships, but if it's something you truly want stick to your guns and make a definitive plan to follow through with in a way that doesn't point any fingers of blame (this will just cause more resentment, tension and hostility for both parties).

Deep breaths kiddo.

Slamming a door shouldn't be such a game-changer. Your dad sounds very controlling and insecure.

I know that's not advice. I don't have good advice for this.

Hold on, Cody. If he retaliates in all the ways he mentioned, you'll still be okay. He can't destroy you.

If you can, seek out a shelter for GLBT kids who have been thrown out/abused/manipulated, or look for a trustworthy friend you can stay with.

I disowned my father for similar behavior and abuse about four years ago and everything worked out just fine. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing, but when I see my much more stable home life and supportive friends and how far I've come along, I see that it was necessary.

I don't know exactly what country you're in or how old you are, but in some places, you can report him to the authorities and get him legally punished and you will have a safe space.

Everyone here is right, though. Moving out is the only way to disown him. :/ I was lucky enough to have my mother's support when I cut my dad off, and a few friends who were more than willing to provide shelter and protection for me if he tried to pursue the fight with me.

Breath, do some research, and just be safe dude. Be safe, okay? Do not throw yourself to the wolves, you can make it.

If you really want to do this then my best advice is to lay low and hold on for as long as you can since you are still dependent on him.  Know that he cannot control you forever.  In the mean time perhaps you could save up for an apartment and maybe share it with someone. 

Move out

@Malachite, I planned on doing this long before this happened. The only thing is saving the money and then I'm out. Seems to be taking a long while though.

I just got really pissed because I have zero privacy in this house. he always comes barging in, my sister always goes nosing around in my room after I've asked her not to. They both constantly gang up on me, and I swear I feel like slapping them both sometimes.

EDIT I don't but I really feel like doing that.

If you have the resources to do so, move out and cut him off. I did the same with my father four years ago, when I'd finally had enough of the abuse. I lost more family over it who didn't agree with what I did, but I became a much happier and more relaxed person once he was out of my life. So go do it.

Even if you can only do a part-time job right now, just squirrel away ALL that cash. It won't get you to move out directly, but it'll bide your time, get you out of the house, and give you a little nest egg for when you have employment that can sustain independent living. That's what I'm doing; stashing away any and all earnings I can get until I can have full-time work. It's slowly piling up and it makes the moving out process a little less intimidating, because if something unexpected comes up you can dip into the savings.

Man I'm sorry. Your dad sounds seriously controlling and abusive. I don't blame you for wanting to disown him, but I agree that waiting until you're in a safer position, like being moved out a good distance from him, would be wise to do. I don't get along with my parents much anymore either and my dad is similar, though he has not hit me since I was little. It can be enraging and frustrating living in a home like that, the no privacy thing infuriates me too. The fact that he treats your sister like she's perfect while treating you like trash is nasty.

I agree with everybody just suggesting to keep building up your cash and looking for a way out. It feels like forever but to be able to tally the progress of what you've saved could possibly help a bit, and it will definitely get you out one day.

Quote from: Cody Jensen on January 09, 2012, 12:36:01 PM
@Malachite, I planned on doing this long before this happened. The only thing is saving the money and then I'm out. Seems to be taking a long while though.

I just got really pissed because I have zero privacy in this house. he always comes barging in, my sister always goes nosing around in my room after I've asked her not to. They both constantly gang up on me, and I swear I feel like slapping them both sometimes.

EDIT I don't but I really feel like doing that.

Then I say to not only save but to cut back on spending on items you may not need combined with a job and just place it in a jar and label it "freedom".  It may be a good idea to sell some of the things you have that you really don't want or need anymore so you will have extra cash and make the journy a bit more easier with less stuff to lug.

@Solobear, I CANNOT wait for that happy and relaxing feeling. Definitely the relaxed part!

@Caseyyy, I'm going for a job interview tomorrow. It looks like I have a good chance of getting it because we know the people who own the place really well. Yay, my savings for freedom start... well actually they already started. Huh. Okay well they progress tomorrow! :3

@fatalerror, thanks man. Controlling is the one word that perfectly describes my dad. I just want him to treat me equal to my sister. I just want him to LIKE me. My entire family's like that too, they all swarm around my sister and hardly acknowledge a word I say, especially my cousins.

@Malachite, currently trying to sell some of my stuff actually. Kicking myself for not selling it during Christmas when I had more of a chance of getting more for it.

To everyone: update: we had another fight in public today, which made me hate him even more. What I really hate is how important he acts.

Thats excellent that you are selling things though! Some cash is better than none.  Stay strong and hang in there Cody.  Stand your ground and fight the mental battle.

I'm sorry to hear this, Cody.  You don't deserve to be treated like that, even if it is his house and rules.  No one has a right to put their hands on another person.

I have to say that the level of violence that men seem to direct towards FtM is very upsetting and scary to me as a woman.  Almost as though a misogynist gets permission to be a nasty feck to you just because of your gender issues.

I've disowned family members before.  It is often the most intelligent and SAFE thing you can do, especially when you're being emotionally and psychologically abused.

Hang in there.  This is a huge storm at the moment but it will pass on.  You are simply learning the reality of those in your family.

Don't get sucked into negativity.  Let it go.

Firstly I want to say Im sorry to hear of the situation you are in.

I echo what others have said. It seems it would be best to try to save money to eventually move out whenever possible. Untill then, find the opportunitites that present themselves to you, to find freedom, solace and some sort of personal happiness. Even if its something small like going out somewhere with a friend, away from family, as yourself. Things like things to build you up and bring you through each day.

Moving out does sound like the best thing. I had to move out at 18 because of all this I was going through. While my Mum and siblings were not physicaly abusive, or abusive at all (not this part of my family atleast) they made things impossible for me, my depression worse, and I had no privacy. You need your privacy and space. You and you Father need space away from eachother.
Years later, me and my family are now so much closer. The distance helps us. One, for me to be able to grow and live, and two, for them to accept me on their terms, see my happiness, and for me to try to help them understand my side, from a distance.

I hope all goes well for you and,

Good luck with the job tomorrow!! I hope you get it

Good luck Cody! Even if the job doesn't give you enough to live on yet this will make you feel much better, knowing that you're getting measurably closer.

This is a good move. I would have waited on university and moved out earlier if I could do it over again. My family has a lot of the same issues.

Thanks for all the support everyone. I'm headed off for the interview right now.