What's the case here... lack of exposure to some normalcy?

I can be quite sweet, sexy, and entertaining to boot - tough if needs be?
Good in the kitchen, eh... between the sheets? Hum. Domina? Nahhh, not really.

So all I get is chatty sweet feed-back from gay guys ... my age, nog all!
Do I have the image of your aunty in stilettos or WHAT?

Does one wish me pre-op (dangle, yum)? Wish me kinky? Weird and deliciously corrupted?

Just some thoughts from the blue chair,
Axélle

Quote from: Axélle-Michélle on January 12, 2012, 08:32:33 AM
What's the case here... lack of exposure to some normalcy?

I can be quite sweet, sexy, and entertaining to boot - tough if needs be?
Good in the kitchen, eh... between the sheets? Hum. Domina? Nahhh, not really.

So all I get is chatty sweet feed-back from gay guys ... my age, nog all!
Do I have the image of your aunty in stilettos or WHAT?

Does one wish me pre-op (dangle, yum)? Wish me kinky? Weird and deliciously corrupted?

Just some thoughts from the blue chair,
Axélle

Hmm.. I am not sure what you specifically are asking?
How to meet a nice guy that appreciate you as the woman you are?

* How to meet a nice guy [actually or girl too] that appreciate you as the woman you are? *

Yeah, how embarrassing, no?

WE, should be noticed - or chased, until we catch one...

I know that's grey theory. But what do you do to GET noticed without soliciting on a street corner these days?

Are we singles overlooking something simple, that all those couples know?

Sounds daft I know, but how to go about it in OUR situation.

Gay bars... hum. They don't look for girls, now do they?

Lessie bars... none in Pee-town so far as I know.

Watching TV won't do either, that I DO know :-)

Thank you for caring to ask, hon
Axélle

Speak english girl, not code! Nonetheless have you tried a dating site? 

Yeeeees! PinkCupid,

Hopelessssss - so far.
Me... now I'M way past THEIR shelf life.

Eh, say no more...
Axélle

Quote from: Axélle-Michélle on January 12, 2012, 11:28:53 AM
Yeeeees! PinkCupid,

Hopelessssss - so far.
Me... now I'M way past THEIR shelf life.

Eh, say no more...
Axélle

Plentyoffish,e harmony, match; etc. You have to try multiple sites, that way you cover more ground. 

Axelle: I understand your issue, then.

You are Post-op, correct? And, you are Bi, or..?
If you would like to meet someone that gets to know you for being you, then I would think the best option would almost be a mainstream website, go dancing, or, some mix-bar, if you know any, or just any ordinary nightclub or other place for social contacts and bonding.

Ofcourse it would in some aspects be much easier and better if the person you met "knew" beforehand, so to speak, however it may also cause extra problems, such as risking that the person you meet then wants to be with you only because of your status- and not your personality.

You could, ofcourse, also try putting an ad on a heterosexual contactsite and describe your status in the Profile and also describe carefully what you wish and what you do not wish, from those contacting you.
In fact, I personally think that mainstream websites in some aspects almost works better than gay sites.
However, if you want to meet a woman(As you mentioned lesbian bars), a gay site or a gay club may actually be a better option, in my opinion.


I wish I could give you the perfect advice on this, but if I could, then I would not be single.

Thanks dear,

Question: "Why does it all sound so intimidating, not to say desperate?"

Answer: " 'cause I'm desperate... ?"

Oh @#$%^, I was afraid of just that --- and EVERYONE will know!!!

This will take one's pride and self-esteem a good couple of notches down, now wouldn't it.

Am I allowed to cry some just now... please?

OK, bed time on my own now with no disturbance other then myself,

Axélle

Well, in the course of a day, where do you go, what do you do, and do you actually talk to people when you are there?

When I think about all the people who I have had relationships with (granted that isn't a high number I have been with 1 person since 2004) I mean, I didn't meet a single one in a bar. Most I met in school, another I met when I was out shopping at the mall, and the one I married I met at an amusement park, one I met online.

It is about getting out there, and talking to people, and keeping your head up high with the attitude that meeting someone would be nice, but you don't need to. I know it can be hard not to come off as desperate, but for whatever reasons that is a turn off for most people.

What I am saying basically is, people won't notice you if you don't be noticable. Even once you have been noticed there are a multitude of things that would prevent them from wanting to get in a relationship. I used to look at it like this, out of all the people I meet only about 3% are people worth dating from the outset, and once I have dated them only one person out of that group has ever led far enough to a long term relationship (i.e. over 1  year continuously), so that means the odds are well less than 1% that a person you meet will be LTR material, so that means in order to have good odds, you need to be interacting with hundreds of people.

At least, that is my take on the whole dating thing.

Hikari thanks,

I go with being 'visible' and 'being out there'.
I'm not anymore in a working relationship (since some years!), it's 99.9% black sales assistants, they mostly pretty young, very friendly with me, but have their own agendas - plus there IS a racial barrier at that level too. I'm just a pleasant (trans) shopper, they DO always remember me, but that's it.

I'm trying to get back to a work situation (and not just for meeting people only – also $$$).
In fact MOST people, and quite some leading to a relationship, I used to meet at or through work (not the last years of consulting work though).

In bars... nada, through dating agencies... BIG nada, on any 'family' related activity, camping, biking, wind surfing - big nada, etc. etc.

In my knowing, you quite right in all you say.
Then I dislike the zoo these days (reminds me of my former self too much...), and WHAT other venues are there, I'm stumped right now. This is SA I live in after all.

So, hold thumbs, my first job interview I had since ages, will bring me back into circulation...

BTW, doing IT and Productivity-consulting for years did not yield ANY relationships at all.
It was a very lonesome live too - maybe because most people just new how temporary it all was, and some feared us also as we had the 'power' to select people to get laid off. Bit of a 'hang man's' situation when I think of it.

Now I have to get a break, 'cause I'm close to tears... self pitty here I come.

Hug and thanks again,
Axélle

Hey become a NUN .. i am basically one .. i've been celibate and asexual since dec 8th 1998 ... besides who cares about sex anyway

Become a NUN, eh... a darling nun..., hum.

Well something to think about. Thanks for that 'job suggestion' I'll look into it, yes.

Axélle

I feel for or you. There is always a need to feel wanted... But maybe there are other ways to get this and not just through dating sites?... I'm not suggesting in the least that you don't try the obvious methods above, but why not improve your chances with people that you'll for sure have something in common with.

So question 1: What do you like doing? As in do you have hobbies? Photography, knitting, quilting, hiking, arm wrestling? If you do then get out and do what you enjoy but do it in group environments. Do your homework (many clubs are online now) and find one with a wide membership and that appear to have at least some people in your age group. Benefits: even if you don't find someone, you will be enjoying yourself and that feels great. Second, the fact that they may not be single does not mean they don't know people who are! Once you make some good new friends and they know you are great and available... Good things might happen.

So question 2: If you don't have any of the above or not enough of them then ask what is it that I've always wanted to do, be, try. If you always wanted to be a writer then take a class or writers group. Again, you give yourself something else to look forward too and you might just meet the right person doing it.

When you do things that make you feel good and share it with others then I think it will help you attract the right people. Regardless, you'll feel good doing it and it will help sustain you through the internet dating scene which can be challenging. All the best! 

Find an activity to get you out of the house and away from your computer.  Take a dance class, join a MeetUp.com activity.  Search your local area for classes or activities you might be interested in.  You can't rely on someone else to make your life better.  If you approach dating with the idea that you are looking for someone else to make your life better you will come off as unattractive.  Get out there, find something you enjoy and throw yourself into it, something involving other people.  When other people see how you enjoying life they will become interested in you.

Dance, yoga, meditation, activity group, painting, sculpting, photography, literature...

Thanks, some great ideas, past becoming a darling nun...

Are there shopping, clubs? I love shopping.

Are there beauty treatment clubs? I LOVE beauty treatments (even waxing once in a while seems OK :-)

I had MANY hobbies I'd gone through over the years - funny enough most left me - on my own sweet own...

Biking, windsurfing, wood-working, HiFi, LP shopping, etc. etc.
Seems symptomatic, don't feel very into 'group activities' as it panned out.

Even Group Therapy sucked and became, (single) Primal and Gestalt therapy.

Oh, I forgot knitting, cooking, gardening, walking, cycling,  - again all one (wo)man shows... and it makes you wonder why?

Born to be single? Hm.

Axélle