Kia Ora,

Simple question somewhat stealthy I guess but still....

If you continue to still live in the area where you transitioned, will you ever be truly accepted [seen] as your true gender ?[this is when taking into account your appearance is not too challenging]...

Bearing in mind those that knew you before might accept/tolerate your new 'self', but your former self will always be at the back of their minds...Well for those close to you anyway...

Are you/would you be truly comfortable with this 'honorary' position ? 

Metta Zenda

I'm into my 5th year since transition and I live in the same flat I shared with my wife for 35 years.
I've no idea how they see me, but they all treat me simply as female and I'm quite happy here, no problems at all.
Had it been that I would 100% Pass, then yes, I'd very probably have moved away.

Boy that's a good question. At this point 6 months into my transition I really don't care. For a number of reasons. I don't know if I'll ever pass. And I really don't care if I do or not. I'm happy with me and as long as that works that's OK. My family thinks I'm an embarrassing. My sister hates me. All I really have is me. I know what my gender is and that's all that matters really. Most of the world thinks were freaks. I've come out to some of my neighbors. All of them say they understand. I'm not sure what they understand. Some have even expressed that they feel sorry for me. I guess that's OK. I'm really still me. Although I am starting to look different. But since they see me all the time they can hardly tell. I think the only one that will see me as my true brain gender is me. Honestly, I don't think anyone else cares.

Jennifer

Kia Ora and thanks you all for the responses so far,

Well the main reason why I started this thread was due to those transitioners who on the one hand would like to be 'stealth' [of some sort] but for whatever reason after transitioning they will/decide to continue living in the same area, amongst the same community etc...

Even if it's a 'trans-friendly' environment they will [in a sense] still be seen as 'honorary' males/females...The 'Nearly but not quite/ers!'

I'm fully aware that when it comes to being stealth, there is no real 'deep' without a trace stealth, in other words there will always be a 'paper trail' no matter how much one tries to shred the evidence...But if one moves away from where they transitioned one can for the most part live a somewhat stealth life[provided that is they have a clean record and they don't have some deranged relatives who wish to track them down and cause them grief]...

@ Axelle, you make a good point, however when it comes to "tolerance vs. acceptance" I think if one stays living in the same community then[if one is lucky] there will be both tolerance 'and' acceptance in others words some will just tolerate[somewhat begrudgingly maybe] the transitioner whilst others might actually 'accept' their 'affirmed' gender wholeheartedly...

But if one moves away to 'Stealthville'  and for the most part is 'passable' then 'acceptance'[that is not knowing anything different other than how the trans-person presents to them now] will be more forthcoming by Stealthville's cis-folk ...

BTW * I live in a suburb of 'semi' in Stealthville...*

Metta Zenda    

 I would not be totally comfortable with those that knew me before still subconsciously thinking of me as the previous sex. While it is a small issue on the surface, the fact that I wouldn't really be seen as female is just the same as being seen as male. No matter how "close" one gets, if they are not there, then they might as well be anywhere else. That is the biggest issue for me and my dysphoria: how people see me, and interact with me as such. There is a subtle and obvious difference between those that know that those that don't...

I doubt I'll end up stealth. But there aren't all that many people that really need to know about my transition, to be honest. If the secret gets out, then big deal. Hopefully some will still see me as female, even after any possible revelation of my journey that has yet to come...

Quote from: Kelly J. P. on January 14, 2012, 12:44:47 AM
I would not be totally comfortable with those that knew me before still subconsciously thinking of me as the previous sex. While it is a small issue on the surface, the fact that I wouldn't really be seen as female is just the same as being seen as male. No matter how "close" one gets, if they are not there, then they might as well be anywhere else. That is the biggest issue for me and my dysphoria: how people see me, and interact with me as such. There is a subtle and obvious difference between those that know that those that don't...

I doubt I'll end up stealth. But there aren't all that many people that really need to know about my transition, to be honest. If the secret gets out, then big deal. Hopefully some will still see me as female, even after any possible revelation of my journey that has yet to come...

Kia Ora Kelly,

It's true, it all does depend upon how comfortable one is with their past...

I wish you well on your journey to 'semi-Stealthville'[it's a nice place to live]....

Metta Zenda

I'm okay with being an honorary male with some people. I've been in the same 80-unit apartment building for more than 4 years, and I know some people here think of me that way, even though they are chill with how I present now.

I don't really blame them. I'm not exactly a walking ball of compassion and understanding myself, and I'm sure I hold some incomplete and ignorant views.

Quote from: Felix on January 14, 2012, 01:57:59 AM
I'm okay with being an honorary male with some people. I've been in the same 80-unit apartment building for more than 4 years, and I know some people here think of me that way, even though they are chill with how I present now.

I don't really blame them. I'm not exactly a walking ball of compassion and understanding myself, and I'm sure I hold some incomplete and ignorant views.

Kia Ora Felix,

It's like I said to Kelly, "It all depends on how comfortable one is about their past !" If people know of your past and don't hassle you [that is they don't make an issue of it] then all is good...

And you don't have to be a "walking ball of compassion and understanding" just be yourself Felix...

Metta Zenda

Quote from: Axélle-Michélle on January 14, 2012, 01:36:14 AM
Kelly, one thought, not sure to have an answer though - you say:
"That is the biggest issue for me and my dysphoria: how people see me, and interact with me as such. "

Now for me, post-op, my dysphoria as is the case with others, is actually gone.
Well, IT'S THE CURE for it, and that's what I can tell to date.

It is one marvellous 'tool'  for me, to 'refer' to my vj in thought, if the situation gets - empyreumatic - lovely word, eh.

I don't know your status, so I can only mention that GID is no more the issue for me now - BUT - getting PLAIN pissed off sure is, when being misgendered :-)
What audacity if done on purpose!

Axélle

I have tried to imagine what it would be like after the surgery... you're probably right as far as I have guessed. Surgery is on the horizon; I'm still only six and a half months into full-time. Will probably be full time for another year before I get that done, unfortunately. I'm very impatient for it.

Hehe. Really brings up memories, though - I remember when I was posting here, working out when to go full-time, and trying to build the courage. It's pretty amazing how much time has passed in such a little while.

I dropped contact with my non-Queer friends when I transitioned so...yes?

I choose to go stealth as well, obviously some people will know and find out but the least that do the better. 

For example I had a normal conversation with this guy until he talked about his gf and I said my gf was amazing.  Rather than continuing normal conversation he basically attacked me for being a lesbian...  I can only imagine if I told him I was born with a wing wang I might of had to fight off knights templars that night.

I mean I didn't come out and say I AM THE L WORD, it was just normal conversation and immediately everyone does this O_O and then says your les? like I am some alien from another world for loving a woman as a woman O-o.

If something so simple can be so damaging to a sociable conversation, then I am sure the other would be even worst.  Our lives will be dangerous forever, no matter how we pass or not pass.  Stealth or non stealth~


We have to worry about the things woman have to worry about, and we also have to worry about transphobia as an added benefit.  Not to scare anyone of course...  This is not what MAKES US, it is just a kind of strength we have to build up.  A kind of vigilance we must maintain always.  Whether we pass or not.

Quote from: Zenda on December 28, 2011, 02:42:09 PM
Kia Ora,

Simple question somewhat stealthy I guess but still....

If you continue to still live in the area where you transitioned, will you ever be truly accepted [seen] as your true gender ?[this is when taking into account your appearance is not too challenging]...

Bearing in mind those that knew you before might accept/tolerate your new 'self', but your former self will always be at the back of their minds...Well for those close to you anyway...

Are you/would you be truly comfortable with this 'honorary' position ? 

Metta Zenda

I don't think that the world is humoring me and I am just being "tolerated" by those around. So in answer to the first question, will I be 'truly' seen as my true gender? The answer is yes, I do believe so. My friends have been fantastic, and the old me is really becoming nothing more than a distant memory. Family took some time to adjust, but even they have been coming around. Will the old me be in the back of everyone's mind who knew me prior to transition? I guess so, but I feel accepted and loved. There's nothing honorary about the fact that I'm seen as me.

  For me, I was talking to a coworker the other day and she said no matter what surgeries I have I  would still be a male to her.  They all call me by the right name and pronouns 98% of the time.  But she says to from my co workers perspcetive I am still male.