So, we graduate at the end of this year. I'm full time, transitioning during university. There is some sort of "group" that we elected to take care of the fine details of our graduation party. One of those details was the photoshoots for the invitations to the party, so  for the photos they selected groups of 7 or 8 that were to be organized by affinity by ourselves, as the lists of groups were sent around, I found not only I wans't invited to any group, but the total count of people allowed in those groups also would exceed itself had I been included. The groups were organized by all of the students.

I sent my concern towards the person who was responsible for organizing such groups and was in contact with the group that was doing our photos, and she said they would discuss it further in another meeting (which is today). Talking with a few other classmates, they gave me the sugestion to see if I could fit into one of the groups that had seven people, and I asked around, I found none of the groups accepted me. Apparently, there would always be one or more person in said group that didn't want to take the photos with me. Also, this seens to be accepted as a right that they have. One of my classmates even sent over a fairly hateful e-mail towards me.

I have realised, transitioning has cost me nearly all of my friends. I'd end up losing them anyway, because I had way too many symptons of dysphoria to do well socially ( I was irritable, anxious, prone to anger outbursts ), however, now, this situation is coming by because of transition. I honestly don't picture me as being such a bad classmate that people would not want to take pictures with me for graduation, I'd have to have done fairly bad things for stuff to get to this point based on my personality alone.

It is hurtful to be ostracized like this by my own classmates, no matter their reasoning. There are people among them who are now rejecting me that, I thought of as nothing else but friends. I wish I could transition and keep them as my friends, but it seens I won't be able to.

There has been a few, before, close friends of mine, that refused outright to change their pronoun threatment of me, they said they weren't even going to try. I told they I was sorry, but if it came down to that, I couldn't have them in my life.  I'm beginning to feel bad for having done this, because these are now friends I lost for good, and don't even want to take a graduation picture with me. At the same time, I see no other way. I can't accept being called by my male name, except in special cases such as by my parents, because if I do, what I am saying is "It is fine,yes, I am male and my name is Y" which is not true, I am female and if you are calling me by a male name, things aren't fine at all.

You need to bring this up with your teacher. The welfare of his students is important to teaching, you're not going to learn a thing if your depressed. This is also a form of bullying. And you're not alone. There are many of us in situations like that. I've got people at work who wont use my name or the right pronouns. And it does hurt. I think the only reason we even talk is because they are in a department I need at certain times. *hugs* they cannot stop you getting your picture taken, nor should you let them.

Wow that sucks bird. I don't know what to tell you except those are terrible people.

@Heartwood thank you

@Keaira

Yes I do realise I should not let them do this, from a "it is my right" point of view and such. However, if the class as a whole is agains't me being there, I see no reason to be there. The moment of a graduation party is a moment shared not only with my family, but with my classmates as well. In addition, there are going to be graduation pre-events which I would have to attend and if I forced me presence, I would be attending to events in a hostile environment.

If it is too embarassing to say hello to me, if it is too offensive to take a picture with me, I can't share that moment with these people. It is hurtful, yes, but it is how they are going and I think I should be pratical. If they are so adamant about not having me with them, be it because I am TG or whatever else they say, it would be easier for me to not do the party and carry on with my life. In addition, I wouldn't be making any sort of political statement by going to the graduation party that I know of, so it is not like even the LBGT rights would gain anything from this.

There is also one minor gain for not attending: It will be easier for me to go into stealth once I'm post op.

Quote from: Bird on January 13, 2012, 10:15:15 AM
So, we graduate at the end of this year. I'm full time, transitioning during university. There is some sort of "group" that we elected to take care of the fine details of our graduation party. One of those details was the photoshoots for the invitations to the party, so  for the photos they selected groups of 7 or 8 that were to be organized by affinity by ourselves, as the lists of groups were sent around, I found not only I wans't invited to any group, but the total count of people allowed in those groups also would exceed itself had I been included. The groups were organized by all of the students.

I sent my concern towards the person who was responsible for organizing such groups and was in contact with the group that was doing our photos, and she said they would discuss it further in another meeting (which is today). Talking with a few other classmates, they gave me the sugestion to see if I could fit into one of the groups that had seven people, and I asked around, I found none of the groups accepted me. Apparently, there would always be one or more person in said group that didn't want to take the photos with me. Also, this seens to be accepted as a right that they have. One of my classmates even sent over a fairly hateful e-mail towards me.

I have realised, transitioning has cost me nearly all of my friends. I'd end up losing them anyway, because I had way too many symptons of dysphoria to do well socially ( I was irritable, anxious, prone to anger outbursts ), however, now, this situation is coming by because of transition. I honestly don't picture me as being such a bad classmate that people would not want to take pictures with me for graduation, I'd have to have done fairly bad things for stuff to get to this point based on my personality alone.

It is hurtful to be ostracized like this by my own classmates, no matter their reasoning. There are people among them who are now rejecting me that, I thought of as nothing else but friends. I wish I could transition and keep them as my friends, but it seens I won't be able to.

There has been a few, before, close friends of mine, that refused outright to change their pronoun threatment of me, they said they weren't even going to try. I told they I was sorry, but if it came down to that, I couldn't have them in my life.  I'm beginning to feel bad for having done this, because these are now friends I lost for good, and don't even want to take a graduation picture with me. At the same time, I see no other way. I can't accept being called by my male name, except in special cases such as by my parents, because if I do, what I am saying is "It is fine,yes, I am male and my name is Y" which is not true, I am female and if you are calling me by a male name, things aren't fine at all.

idk if you can do this, but for me it worked at my last year at school.

so how do you start.

first of if you have a fb, delete them all - even on your phone, deleeeeeeeete those guys.

then - no social interaction FROM you. if they talk to you about school stuff like "do blabla together" - never be like "i dont wanna work with you" because they'll say that and then you have the scepter in the hand :>.
you can go to your teacher and tell that they dont want to work with you, because you're transitioning which is discriminating and you'd like to do a part of the work for yourself to contribute something. (or do it all yourself like i did)

after that you'll go through weeks/months (it was like 5 or 6 weeks for me, because i wasn't made being fun of before i gained alot of weight) were they really will try to bring you down, but NEVER ever show any emotion, because when they see "lol she doesn't even care" they'll search another victim, and with that victim you can "team up".


i think i had it alot easier than you, because i was like made being fun of for a short time, but those fake-friends never came up to me anymore, so i guess its okay and i hope you can go through this ->-bleeped-<-.

They actually should have a right, however wrongly exercised, to freely associate with whomever they choose - unless the teacher or university has rules stating otherwise. But it sounds like your classmates are horrible, transphobic people who don't value or respect you. I wonder what values you would gain from having your picture taken with them (or otherwise associating with them)?

Trying to force them to take a picture with you isn't such a good idea. Personally, I would just shrug and walk away and find people who DID accept me.

I never really went in for the entire "school function" type of event. I didn't care to go to graduation...

@Rabbit

Yes this can quickly escalate to a point where it is not worth it. I'm watching out for that point and waiting. It will be hard for me to do this though, because I have always wanted to go to graduation, have my parents there, the works.

With the people from university not wanting me there, and my family in general not wanting me to be there, it seens I'm starting to be a thorn on everyone's side for wanting to be there. I wish to see just how far this goes and if things turn hostile agains't me, I won't go.

Quote from: Semiopathy on January 13, 2012, 02:03:26 PM
They actually should have a right, however wrongly exercised, to freely associate with whomever they choose - unless the teacher or university has rules stating otherwise. But it sounds like your classmates are horrible, transphobic people who don't value or respect you. I wonder what values you would gain from having your picture taken with them (or otherwise associating with them)?

That is the question I am trying to answer, time will tell.

We have a graduation pre-event this 28, I'm thinking, it depends how that goes, I will either push for the graduation party or quit.